Rahcookiemonster
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2008
- Messages
- 204
Okay,
Just a bit of a warning.
This is part of some scribbles I do whenever I am coming down from Amphetamines (Lol...). I've always wanted to start a blog on a few differen't aspects of personal and societal effects of pscyhostimulant use. So far I just have random chapters and things jammed together, with some nonsense in between. I do it to remind myself of the stark emotional differences dopamine down-regulation can cause
This bit reads a bit like a trip report, so I thought I'd post it up.
Enjoy me sending you kilabytes of mah words.
---
Fetta Means by All Means.
---
-8 Years of Use.
-Initial reason: Add to the list of psychoactive compounds I had
ingested. For some reason this list had to be big, and one of the most common
compounds was not yet listed.
At age 16.
(Have since lost the list. RIP chronologically dated list of pscyhoactive compounds
I have put into my mouth. (Or nose, lungs and wherever else body will accept.) )
---------
"Wake Up"
D-Amphetamine (Prescription, 5mg Tablets),
20MG Followed by 10MG.
Practical Euphoria
Utilizable State
Beneficial subtle action
-Click
"Wake Up"
Usually psychoactives give a sense of inebriation or distancing from reality.
D-fettameans does the opposite. Enhances my sobriety.
Strange, and noted.
Vivid memory of this night. 16, naive and trying to understand what in the actual
fuck is going on (At all. Even in my immediate vicinity most of the time).
Identify my 16 year old existance with a thirst for knowledge, self awareness (Ha..) and...
Pharmacokinetics??. I need that list filled, man.
Oh, to be young and find a temporary cheat (Life-Hack) like Amphetamines again. Manufactured
by your friendly legal pharmaceutical factory, too! Unbelievable! (Top shelf battery acid).
I feel better right now than when I achieve all those things I'm told to try and achieve.
Achieving shortcuts to a better destination? Alright, sure
Understanding of social dynamics was forced upon myself instantly, rather than slowly watching
and interpreting. Ability to see just how much can be manipulated or persuaded in communication.
Ability to see only some people are aware of this, yet cannot perform the art
others are not aware, yet unknowingly perform all the time.
And those completley oblivious, well.... They are probably enjoying themselves the most.
Right, that old school compound lent to a long night of philosophic thoughts all crammed up into one
17th Birthday Party hip flask gift. Thanks speed!
I now know people will enjoy my company more if I put in less effort with my words, and pretend to genuinely listen instead. (Yeah, you're right man)
I now know why that loud guy immediantly checks every face for reactions whenever he presents his heroic jokes or wisdom
I now know not to be so godamn autistic, all of the time.
I now NEED to know the full economics of all communication. I remember turning to my best friend at the time
wanting to explain my new thirst for understanding. Of course, the explanation was a slightly exaggerated
comment about our soon to be unfathomable surge in popularity throughout the whole world.
I left it at that, but for some reason I feel like I could have talked about that for hours upon hours... (Strange, right?)
"One day, man. One day".
8 years has passed since that night.
Out of every first experience,
And out of every compound on that list,
I remember this the most. It had a long lasting impact on my psyche.
Or maybe it was the continuation of Amphetamine use afterwards, or the additional Methyl group that snuck its way in there.
No amphetamine high has come close since.
------------
(Still try'na wake up)
Just a bit of a warning.
This is part of some scribbles I do whenever I am coming down from Amphetamines (Lol...). I've always wanted to start a blog on a few differen't aspects of personal and societal effects of pscyhostimulant use. So far I just have random chapters and things jammed together, with some nonsense in between. I do it to remind myself of the stark emotional differences dopamine down-regulation can cause
This bit reads a bit like a trip report, so I thought I'd post it up.
Enjoy me sending you kilabytes of mah words.
---
Fetta Means by All Means.
---
-8 Years of Use.
-Initial reason: Add to the list of psychoactive compounds I had
ingested. For some reason this list had to be big, and one of the most common
compounds was not yet listed.
At age 16.
(Have since lost the list. RIP chronologically dated list of pscyhoactive compounds
I have put into my mouth. (Or nose, lungs and wherever else body will accept.) )
---------
"Wake Up"
D-Amphetamine (Prescription, 5mg Tablets),
20MG Followed by 10MG.
Practical Euphoria
Utilizable State
Beneficial subtle action
-Click
"Wake Up"
Usually psychoactives give a sense of inebriation or distancing from reality.
D-fettameans does the opposite. Enhances my sobriety.
Strange, and noted.
Vivid memory of this night. 16, naive and trying to understand what in the actual
fuck is going on (At all. Even in my immediate vicinity most of the time).
Identify my 16 year old existance with a thirst for knowledge, self awareness (Ha..) and...
Pharmacokinetics??. I need that list filled, man.
Oh, to be young and find a temporary cheat (Life-Hack) like Amphetamines again. Manufactured
by your friendly legal pharmaceutical factory, too! Unbelievable! (Top shelf battery acid).
I feel better right now than when I achieve all those things I'm told to try and achieve.
Achieving shortcuts to a better destination? Alright, sure
Understanding of social dynamics was forced upon myself instantly, rather than slowly watching
and interpreting. Ability to see just how much can be manipulated or persuaded in communication.
Ability to see only some people are aware of this, yet cannot perform the art
others are not aware, yet unknowingly perform all the time.
And those completley oblivious, well.... They are probably enjoying themselves the most
.Right, that old school compound lent to a long night of philosophic thoughts all crammed up into one
17th Birthday Party hip flask gift. Thanks speed!
I now know people will enjoy my company more if I put in less effort with my words, and pretend to genuinely listen instead. (Yeah, you're right man)
I now know why that loud guy immediantly checks every face for reactions whenever he presents his heroic jokes or wisdom
I now know not to be so godamn autistic, all of the time.
I now NEED to know the full economics of all communication. I remember turning to my best friend at the time
wanting to explain my new thirst for understanding. Of course, the explanation was a slightly exaggerated
comment about our soon to be unfathomable surge in popularity throughout the whole world.
I left it at that, but for some reason I feel like I could have talked about that for hours upon hours... (Strange, right?)
"One day, man. One day".
8 years has passed since that night.
Out of every first experience,
And out of every compound on that list,
I remember this the most. It had a long lasting impact on my psyche.
Or maybe it was the continuation of Amphetamine use afterwards, or the additional Methyl group that snuck its way in there.
No amphetamine high has come close since.
------------
(Still try'na wake up)