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Cut off, NEEDING it and feeling desperate

afriendoftina

afriendoftina

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 11, 2016
Messages
71
Location
London
I'm trying to distract myself. I have run out of Crystal. Completely.

I have scraped the bag for dust. My pipe is crystal clear (pun intended). I have scouted for far too long on my floor: there's none left. Not a shard.

I can't cope with this, I just want a little bit more. My supplier is my best friend and he has cut me off since the scary-ass picking session with a metal tool last week. He wont give/sell me any. I can't get any.

I have some Coke and some Ket and some Meph - but I just want a little bit T, just a bit. Fuck. I know I'm addicted now. I can't stop thinking about it.

Any advice/suggestions? Distraction tactics? Anything...fuck, argh.
 
It seems like this may be wake up call that you need ? Realizing your in to deep is scary process, maybe use this opportunity in giving yourself a break.

Try changing your surroundings it's all to easy to become focused on looking for that last bit so go outside, go for a walk, make yourself busy.
 
I hope you're doing ok....

Can you.... check into rehab? Lol. Your will does not seem strong my friend!
 
Sirtophamhat's advice is solid. I'd steer clear from the uppers for now. A benzo, some tea, maybe some weed, and Netflix or just TV/movies in general.

The fiending will lessen over time, it doesn't even take THAT long to do so with amphetamines IME. Being cut off from amps ain't the worst thing.. It could be worse (think c/t benzos, opiates...)
 
Ok. So as a update, things got a lot worse - I became crazy depressed after I went frantic and posted this:

20 pills of 7.5mg Zopiclone (Non-benzo hypnotic)
10 pills of 10mg Valium (Benzo)
20 pills of 5mg Percoset (Opiate: Oxycodone)
3 pills (unknown mg) of metoclopramide (anti-emetic)

I have no tolerance to any of these. I am a methamphetamine addict.

That has to be enough. I cannot face it anymore, I have felt numb/dead inside for ages. I am filled to the core with apathy. I don't care anymore, I don't care that I don't care. I don't care that I don't care that I don't care. It's a never ending vicious circle.

I am tired. I am exhausted. I have no energy left. If I give up on going through the motions, robotically carrying out my activities then I will lose my job and be out of the street. Then it will be worse. But I don't have the energy for it anymore or for anyone. I have no capability for happiness, nothing can make me happy, I forget what that feels like. I don't even feel human anymore. The real me died a long time ago. The anti-depressants, the therapy is all just trying to save someone that isn't there.

I feel rational, I feel like I have thought this out - there's nowhere else to go from here. Trying to find one reason to stay, just one.

So that happened. Re-reading this in the morning is painful reading. I can't believe I got into such a black hole. Thanks for the advice, I'm not much of a downers person - I only really use Zopiclone to get to sleep and weed makes me sick...I can't imagine things without amps, how people live their lives without them I don't know or can't remember. Thanks so much for the advice - I really appreciate it. Bluelight has been a bit of a lifesaver for me frankly in just the very short time since I joined.
 
Percocet can definitely help with the depressed feelings. And Valium can really help you relax. Be careful when mixing the 2 though. Since you say you have no tolerance, keep the dose of both drugs low. (e.g. 5mg valium & 15mg oxy should be fine)

I'd try to take away the meth-crash symptoms using these drugs. Back when I did a lot of amphetamines, I actually even enjoyed the inevitable crash when I had opiates and benzos because the contrast between feeling depressed and just shitty and being euphoric and relaxed from the opiates & benzos was just SO freaking big. They took away virtually any and all crash-symptoms, and replaced them with a euphoric, relaxed benzopiate high.

Ahh, those drugs are life savers for amphetamine-comedowns.. IME, at least. And I know the same is true for many others.

Good luck with your future abstinence from meth! Though the nature of your posts kind of lead me to believe you will use again as soon as you have access to meth again, I hope those ideas vanish as time goes on.
 
andy85258 said:
Threads like these are why i just stick to pot......
Click to expand...
Good Idea, serious shit. I dont know what the OP meant by the best friend and a picking session, but hes not a real dealer if he is missing a sale for something petty. Then again, who knows what u did to piss this guy off lol. U cant have someone else cop it for u from him temporarily so u dont get caught hanging without preparing
 
Last edited:
MadeInChicago said:
Good Idea, serious shit. I dont know what the OP meant by the best friend and a picking session, but hes not a real dealer if he is missing a sale for something petty. Then again, who knows what u did to piss this guy off lol. U cant have someone else cop it for u from him temporarily so u dont get caught hanging without preparing
Click to expand...

Hate weed, not an option. But I should have stuck with amphetamine sulphate.

Anyway - thanks for the comments. My dealer is my closest friend, I can't even convey to you how close we are - he's everything to me. He says he doesn't want to sell (he gives it to me for free) it to me because he doesn't want to feel responsible. It's nothing to do with "missing a sale" - he makes enough sales trust me, plus it wouldn't have been a sale. I didn't piss him off.

I found another contact and told my friend I was going to buy off him and he said, don't waste your money and gave me 1/2 gram. I managed 3 days off the Tina (Meth).

and yeah...if you haven't started, my advice is don't.
 
You might want to look into my post:

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...Formulation-Discovery?p=13507451#post13507451

You might be surprised to notice that the meth amount you require to feel happy is actually only 5%-10% of the daily abuse amount. Cutting that amount with antabuse dissuaders is perhaps the answer you need. This is a VERY powerful tool that I urge you to look into. It can change your life.
 
Ksa said:
You might want to look into my post:

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...Formulation-Discovery?p=13507451#post13507451

You might be surprised to notice that the meth amount you require to feel happy is actually only 5%-10% of the daily abuse amount. Cutting that amount with antabuse dissuaders is perhaps the answer you need. This is a VERY powerful tool that I urge you to look into. It can change your life.
Click to expand...


Thanks for message
Nice Idea, but Meth isn't dextroamphetamine...
It's N-methylamphetamine. I've tried using Amp sulphate to ween off which does help yeah :)
 
afriendoftina said:
I'm trying to distract myself. I have run out of Crystal. Completely.

I have scraped the bag for dust. My pipe is crystal clear (pun intended). I have scouted for far too long on my floor: there's none left. Not a shard.

I can't cope with this, I just want a little bit more. My supplier is my best friend and he has cut me off since the scary-ass picking session with a metal tool last week. He wont give/sell me any. I can't get any.

I have some Coke and some Ket and some Meph - but I just want a little bit T, just a bit. Fuck. I know I'm addicted now. I can't stop thinking about it.

Any advice/suggestions? Distraction tactics? Anything...fuck, argh.
Click to expand...

Sleep for a while and use sedatives if need be, then deal with your situation when you're in better state to do so.
 
damn dude, be grateful you got the meph and coke...shit I want tina bad too, I want to do dirty, filthy things with her, I want to ride with her to the edge of sanity, and then fly off the cliff with that bitch.
 
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