TDS Curing post bad trip anxiety disorder

[probably]

Hello, bluelighters!
Well, I definitely need some advice of yours what to do with my life after experimenting with psychedelics.

First of all, i gotta say that i was a pot smoker for like 2.5 years, during which I decided to quit cold turkey for 6 months thinking that i got really slow and not willing to do anything w/o pot, but eventually started again, however in less quantities. It was all fun, I did well in studies, went to gym, partied and smoked in the evenings with my close friend. I did like 15 times XTC on home parties like 1 time a 1-1.5 months, tried mephedrone 2 times (didnt like that shit, had to admit i was absolutely "not myself" when taking it"), 3-4 times speed, but never abused anything except pot.
One day I finally decided to try acid, as everyone of my friends have already had an experience, so I was really interested what is it.

The first time I got NBOME and it was pretty fun and the trip ended in smoking some hash to get down. Everything was nice.
The second time I did 250mgs of LSD-25, i tripped for like 10 hours, 3 hours just flew off my mind due to overwhelming mind-activity, closer to the end I felt extremely tired, but nice and comfortable with the whole experience.

Anyway, here goes the 3rd one which just crashed me.
This summer, July, I was on a 2-night home party with 10 buddies. We decided to take 3 grams of crystal MDMA, lots of weed, somebody also brought some amph and lsd-25 for the 2nd night. (absolutely mad idea to mix everything, I know)
Well, that was absolutely nuts, cause I couldn't fall down to sleep and I missed like 18 hours of my life from 9 p.m. to 3 p.m. next day, not able to understand what the fuck is going on, what I'm supposed to do and why the fuck do I party with these guys lol.
That night I dropped about 0.4 MDMA, 0.1-0.2 amph, had only 1 hit of bong in the very first hours of party, smoked like 2 or 3 packs of cigs and for some reason was talking whole night to myself and "telepathically talking" to others with baseless ANGRINESS and unsatisfyiness of like EVERYTHING, starting from my own life to my friends' behaviour (they were doing nothing really odd), started to feel deeply paranoid and anxious for no reason, having my jaw going back-and-forth and (later) feeling very high blood pressure in temples area. After that night I got to idea that I've broken my mind.

I realised that I have deeply disturbed nervous system and I gotta stop partying and doing shit for some time. So I quit everything, going out w/ buddies, having fun or what so else. The following 3.5 months up to the present moment I feel like I'm not myself. I cannot relax, therefore cannot hold any random conversation with anyone, literally anyone. I have started to have extreme social anxiety, problems in choosing what to buy in grocery, forgetting what to do throughout the day, what I gotta do tomorrow, losing my confidence, "easiness" in everything. Now I feel like I'm in a "permanent hurry", almost not able to concentrate on anything that I gotta do, from studying to watching movie, losing the plot line, losing the conversation theme, not able to do smth calmed down and that leads me to even more anxiety, so its like vicious circle that not allows me to feel comfortable again. I feel like I'm not satisfyed with EVERYTHING, like I was that night. Plus I got a some kind of "mind fog", probably due to qutting pot again (2 months now). I have also problem in coherent conversation with people, my message here may look a bit inconsequent too, sorry for that. (Sorry, English is not my native language)

I tried yoga, meditating, excercising, managing my sleeping, eating well and have to admit that nothings really helps for a long period of time.

Searching for some kind of solution of my permanent anxiety and dissatisfaction led me to this forum and I got upon this old thread http://bluelight.org/vb/archive/index.php/t-580155.html
I finally have some hope that lack of blood pressure in frontal lobe and my anxiety will disappear with right set&setting, because in my opinion it was been induced on that summer madness. Thats exactly what I've been experiencing these 3.5 months.
So what do u guys think, will a theraupetic dose of MDMA like 0,07-0.1 will likely help to make me a positive person again? I also think of doing acid in 50-100mgs dose in order to reset myself for a better mood, but on the other side MDMA will be more appreciable, as I'm depressed and introvert person mainly my whole life.

Any advice will be appreciated!

 

[Young_ile]

I'm recovering as well. I had a burning sensation in the sides of my brain that you might be calling high blood pressure. I too have pressure on my frontal lobe maybe due to anxiety. If I were u I would quit everything and not touch drugs again. It's not worth it for people like you and me. Just let your brain heal. We're in this together.

 

[Moreaux]

Welcome to Bluelight probably! Please don't do any more MDMA or LSD for a while - as I really think that is part of your problem. Before I answer further I have a few questions. How old are you? Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression previously?

 

[probably]

Welcome to Bluelight probably! Please don't do any more MDMA or LSD for a while - as I really think that is part of your problem. Before I answer further I have a few questions. How old are you? Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression previously?

I'm 21 right now.

I've always been good in studies in school and had a dream to make a career in finances until I met a "gang" on my first course in university and so when I was 18 I started smoking, having fun and doin' nothing basically.
The main thing that after doing acid this summer I suddenly realised that almost everything, that I've been doing for the past 3 years had absolutely no sense as I haven't made almost any efforts in studies and in finding opportunities to get a good job and make a good career for myself. That, of course, put me in depression. Finding a good line for talking to smb was a problem for me since I was young, to be honest. (I guess I've got a some form of schizophrenia, but didn't made real sense until recently).

Well, I had always been a very kind person, the "soul" of companies and my family and when I started doing pot I became more indifferent, apathetic, going deeper inside my mind and overthinking a lot of ideas and shit and also fell down into electronic music heaviely for like 2 years. I was like in unconscious state of mind for that period, but today I feel like I cannot get back to my real identity, my speech is slowed and I cannot read/think that fast as I could 3 years ago, AND when I try to do my best like not being dull and dumb every moment of my life, I get an instant anxiety as my cognitive pattern of "I dont give a shit about anybody or anything" still cannot transform into a "be a good guy, and start doing smth for your future, what the fuck, man" that I had before, so this is one more anchor, that puts me in permanent depression. I'm really trying to do my best, but as far as my brain cannot function to 100% anymore, I get really upset, as I gotta be a head of my family (my dad and mom are in divorce and my granny with which I've been living for my whole life as well, and who was the main person in my mom's life has died this May )

By the way, 5 hours ago I decided to go out and meet an old friend, with whom we were smoking before I quit this summer. Occasionally I did some weed in order to set myself for a good mood. The thing is that my frontal lobe got really warm and hot when I was chilling, and I found myself really comfortable and not anxious at all, joked with him and had a talk (some kind of nonsense, as I couldn't talk with anyone these months because of anxiety). Now I'm sitting at home and when I've started writing this response I had a really messed up mind and anxiety, but now, as I started thinking of what to answer and how to do it, I find myself more consequent in my thoughts and relaxed overally.

So, when I'm home I can watch youtube of listen to music for hours, doing nothing and being relaxed. If I've got to read smth, I cannot stick to the text for more than like 5-10 sentences (I find either everything or nothing interesting, so it's really hard to stick my mind up to 1 concrete thing in 1 moment). Sometimes I just can't remember what I got to do today according to my day plan (do I got to study for tomorrow, or fuck it I just watch movie, but I gotta study, OW fuck I had to go to studio to talk about my mom's dress, so why the fuck I'm thinking about movies and shit & so on). When I get out I just got social anxiety, "speeding up" everything in my mind, up to the point how to fucking get my wallet of my pocket in order to pay in grocery (what the fuck). When I have a call I very often can't calm down and listen what the person says and make a logically correct answer, but if I do it I sound really strained and intense 8(8(8(

So answering your question, yes, I had some bad mood swings before, but now I just feel like I'm going either mad/crazy or numb/dull, not being able even to keep the fkin conversation going until I somehow relax.
Reading up that post with a guy saying about rising blood pressure in his front lobe gave me a real hope to get rid of anxiety and to straighten my thinking patterns using MDMA with right set&setting

 

[probably]

Up this thread in order to get some advice from you.

Things get better from day to day, but these days I for sure realized that everything goes from my anxiety and inability to sort out upcoming information from the all the sources outside me. There goes the great lack of concentration, especially when I'm talking to someone and overall bad mood.
Benzos help in slowing me down and making somewhat more calmed down (taking amythryptiline a quarter /25g per day), but in long run I have a feeling of numbness which is not good.
Thinking straight positively helps a lot, but It feels like I look a lot goofy when going all way around with a slight kind of smile on my face.

Did anyone had the same problem, when dropping using pot (approx 8 months) and having a bad trip in almost simultaneous periods of time? And did anyone had help by dropping low dose of acid and making a better mindset? The speeding up of my mind made almost impossible to study in university, receive upcoming information in a right logical way, like 50/50 altered. Feeling fucking dumb, when (it seems like) unable to understand written sentences from 1st try or recall words/numbers

Thanks for any suggests, really need some piece of advice here!

 

[probably]

Sadly, no replies.

Well, I'm a lot better. My mood gradually impoves, as well as my memory and overall health, seems like the little toke i got on 10-11 november made a big deal for setting me up for a less anxious feeling.
I have ADD/ADHD and after giving up pot after having a bad trip this summer, it just seems like my mind is overthinking everything.
It's very hard to concentrate, I cannot concentrate even on what the teacher's lecturing during classes for more than like 2 mins, getting distracted really fast by any shit going around.
Still very hard to interact with people, seems like I'm too tense.
Some of my friends suggest me getting a gf, but how can I have a gf, if I cannot normally talk to others, my old friends, without any tension in speaking, like I'm trying to testify them or what more, which doesnt sound really affably.

 

[mathael]

I experienced exactly what you have been through.
High doses of lsd and mdma resulted in extreme social anxiety. I kinda had social anxiety before but it came to level that i cannot even walk on the streets without thinking someone is judging me or something like that.
I think you do not have ADHD. The symptoms is almost same with extreme anxiety and depression.
I went to a psychiatrist. He put me on lexapro 20mg and dogmatil 200mg(sulpiride).
He also made me rorschach test and find the real problems behind the anxiety. We made 25min small talk therapies about each problem for 2 months.
After that I was better than before.
I strongly advise you to go to a psychiatrist. You definetely have to use an antipsychotic for a small time, its gonna diminish the racing thought and your brain come back to normal. Sulpiride is great, is an atypical antipychotic and does not really fuck your brain like others. 200mg is also increase dopamine level by binding receptors, and it make depression more easy to overcome.

 

[probably]

Thank you for your reply, Mathael!

I think you're right saying it's more of a extreme anxiety and depression than ADD/ADHD, however I had never been a quite child So it may play some role as well.
I don't want to take any neuropsychotics or SSRI's cause even a slight dose of SSRI make me feel more numb and unwilling to do anything. I checked the sulpiride, it looks fine though.
Again and again I'm getting to the point that I feel great after a sauna or a hot bath - so everything is around the thing that I'm too nervous and anxious because can't really relax.

I also feel great when I sleep for 3-4 hrs, sleep deprivation SIGNIFICANTLY improves my mood and I feel more confident/less anxious/more grounded.

Still thinking that I've got some kind of brain damage cause everything I do takes a lot more time that it would take before I started taking psychedelics.

Funny thing: on X we've been tripping to Tame Impala a lot, so their songs stick to that euphoria that we had those nights. Now I randomly put on 2 their songs and they gave me shivers and It feels like I've smoked a good bowl of weed and really fucking high and relaxed better than taking any SSRI's or shit same for Pink Floyd/Led Zeppelin

But the thing is that I cannot listen to music all the time lol. And having a coherent communication with somebody is still a great problem for me. I feel like I'm too straight forward, which sounds either too goofy or too tense.

 

[probably]

Bumping this thread!
Well, 6 days ago I finally decided to try MDMA because nothing seemed to help a lot. My anxiety drove me absolutely insane, making me very tired emotionally every day, getting bad sleep and losing my self-confidence at all, because I literally couldn't have a conversation with somebody.

Almost a week has passed and I feel a lot better after that MDMA night! I took about 120-150mg i believe, not more, just listened to music, chatted with people, watched videos and had a beer. I tripped for 4 hrs (been peaking for like 1.5) and went to sleep with a slight after effect of X's stimulation, but woke up next morning with no feeling of being anxious! Just really tired, yawning all the time and wanting to get a good 20 hr sleep lol.
So I continue this winning streak, finally! I thought I could never get over it, because it really gave a vicious circle: got anxious-can't do things properly-can't set/achieve goals-not satisfied with myself-anxious and so on. So, it became a lot easier, now I'm just adapting to the new reality with my calmer perception of life, it's just really fucking cool!

Dunno why, but I always thought that no meds will solve the problem, they'd just help me to adjust to current situation with lessening negative consequences of bad trip and quitting weed at anxious state of mind.
So, I convinced that making a good MDMA trip alone will help to work this situation out and it did!
I feel a lot depressed now, but almost no anxiety at all!

Hope this helps and give some hope for you guys that everything can come out alright in the end. If it's not okay it's not the end, you know