Crystal Meth Addiction and a Ruined Family

[ThatSpaceyKid]

I will say I am well....I am 21... Was 36 days clean from Crystal. I have been using since I was 16. Weed, Heroin, Meth, Crack, Cocaine. And Marijuana. And acute alcholism. But... I smoked, Snorted, and IV in my past....

I am not proud. I have been trying to fix my life. For the laat 36 days.... I know I am annoying. And dumb.... And a dope fiend..... EVEN WITHOUT IT.

Its been hard. But... Worth it.... I want to change. My family is ruined sadly though... Its been HELL. My parents and siblings wont forgive me. Moms trying. Dad hates me. Sister and brother dont claim me. And hate me..

IM so depressed. I have anxiety. It hurts to see or hear dad crying alone every night. It hurts when I fall apart every night. Due to crystal. I am very different. I am not the same kid or man I was. I have become more street or trashy because of drug use. Ive failed rehab. Relapsed over and over... My dad yells at me. He puts me down. My mom is giving up. On me. She doubts me. My dad doubts my sobriety. Yesterday... My anger got the best of me. I blacked out with rage... And attacked my father... In self defense. After a disagreement turned into my father hitting me and tossing me from the house like trash. But... I proceded to hit him with a blunt object near by... I REGRET IT. I spent a night in jail. Have pending charges.

I relapsed. I have a broken heart. My parents are so weak and frail. My siblings are full of hate.... ☹. What do I do....

 

[placid space]

I would leave at least for a while, you probably dont have much to lose or in material sense. Find a job or something somewhere in another state. Give time a chance, let your family heal and yourself. Youll have a lot more difficulty getting clean in that environment of negative energy and keep relapsing. And I dont know about you but for me, smoking pot helped me with cravings a lot in the beginning.

Also we've all changed due to drugs. Though Its not all for the bad (once you get sober that is, under influence you do things youd otherwise never consider). You in a lot of cases start appreciating little things more, see other people more clearly, seek the spiritual side of life a lot more which make you a stronger person while most people live in a constant cycle. And failing rehab is not such a big deal. Those firmly structured programs are not for everyone. Just like school. Take what you can from them and use it.

 

[Painful One]

My friend, please forgive yourself. You are human. We all have our problems.
You are loved so much more than you know.
Drop this heavy burden of guilt and forgive and respect yourself.
Pray. You need help from The Lord and Savior Jesus.
I'm not trying to preach to you either. I am not religious. I did have a near death experience though and I know the truth.
You are my brother and I love you and I care that you are going through hell.
You are so young. Clean up. There is time to turn everything around.
Stand in unconditional love. React with unconditional love no matter what is thrown at you. Walk away.
Please get yourself stabilized. You may need some kind of medication for anxiety disorder or whatever the root of this problem is.
I am praying for you. You are not alone. You are stronger than you know and loved.