Relapse Craving Oxys like crazy, using kratom as a ‘’deterrent’’’-maintenance...

[skipjames]

Hellos,

sorry for this but I´m kinda freaking out here atm…. Basically I haven t used oxys for like 15 days, things went really smooth this time as I used Kratom ( 6 gr max) the occasional benzos+ your suggestions and last but not least because this time I decided to stop of my own and not due to external circumstances ( i.e. lack of product or lack of money), physical w-d were almost non existent, etc etc. So yeah, I thought, I´m the man!
Thing is : I have been like 3 days non stop thinking about oxys. I take my kratom ( 4-5 gr in the morning ) go to the gym ( I used to exercise even while on oxys) try to get some work done etc, but this thing is getting kinda intense. And I still have two legit scripts for oxy in my drawer…it will be so easy, no Fent, no BS, no sketchy dealer, just a call to a pharmacy and I can get the thing……..

What to do???I m using kratom as a deterrent cos taking oxys after kratom would be a waste of oxy, but I dunno a) whether this strategy will work long term b) whether should be better to give in, use oxys one day and then back to the kratom for maintenance , rather than sitting on the couch thinking that I am going insane while I have a lot of work to do and I could get things done with some oxys c ) throw away the scripts (dunno whether I will ever have the strength to do that) or whatever…suggestions- kind words- fuck offs -whatever welcome, sorry for rambling…

 

[Jabberwocky]

having 2 scripts for oxy in your drawer is like having monkey food in your backpack walking through the jungle

sobriety is typically an all-or-nothing type of thing

if you truly want to quit for good ripping up those scripts is the only option

this question, this doubt you have, is the addict mind doing anything it can to rationalize using again

but what's your goal here? what is your objective? are you trying to improve/manage your use or quit altogether? (this can be difficult or complicated to answer for some... as the logic of addiction is fraught with error and deceit)

personally I have virtually zero self control and there is no way I could just sit on 2 scripts like that and not fill them... so for me, all or nothing, and nothing is the correct answer for me

 

[skipjames]

but what's your goal here? what is your objective? are you trying to improve/manage your use or quit altogether? (this can be difficult or complicated to answer for some...)

here´s the thing, it´s...complicated indeed. The idea was to improve- manage, make oxys a " week end" thing, lower my tolerance ( I was taking up to 200 mgs per day to feel...normal) , but if I am freaking out like this maybe I should stay away from oxys for good....

 

[Jabberwocky]

The idea was to improve- manage, make oxys a " week end" thing, lower my tolerance

yeah man, wishful thinking unfortunately

I'm not saying its impossible to do so, but for 99% of people it is

it takes a Godlike amount of will and self restraint to make such a change, which not a lot of people have, especially if you were up to 200mg/day

but if I am freaking out like this maybe I should stay away from oxys for good....

I'm honestly impressed you made it this far all while having those scripts ready to fill. Not something I could ever accomplish. I would have filled them before even driving home from the doctor. It's commendable and says something about your strengths.

Just be honest with yourself: Before you decided to quit, while you had oxy on hand, did you attempt to cut back, while you had pills on hand? were you able to?

if not, don't think the future will be any different

this is the monkey whispering lies in your ear

 

[Opi_Kid_Rock]

I also was never able to restrain myself when there’s supply remaining. The decision to stop is usually the consequence of understanding how the habit negatively affected one’s life. Then comes the decision to stick to it and further reinforcing the willingness to stop. SMART Recovery is a decent alternative to NA in my opinion for programs that reinforce the will to stop using.

With love.

 

[skipjames]

ust be honest with yourself: Before you decided to quit, while you had oxy on hand, did you attempt to cut back, while you had pills on hand? were you able to?

I cut back temporarily my oxy usage two-three times since 2020 but only when I knew that my " doctor" was running out of scripts

I'm honestly impressed you made it this far all while having those scripts ready to fill. Not something I could ever accomplish. I would have filled them before even driving home from the doctor. It's commendable and says something about your strengths.

cheers mate, I´m surprised myself. I guess it´s because this time it was my decision to quit-reduce-whatever I am trying to do here. Still….

 

[DeathIndustrial88]

Sounds like you're discovering you an opioid problem.


If you want to quit using then quit. If you don't, then don't. Although finding an alternative is always safer than street drugs.

I don't think there's anythiing wrong with people using opioids. I love them. But when you know your supply is low, you gotta taper, otherwise it's on you really.
And definitely think about how access & supply will affect you if you find that need opioids now. Because being dependent on them is not a fun chore.

 

[skipjames]

I also was never able to restrain myself when there’s supply remaining. The decision to stop is usually the consequence of understanding how the habit negatively affected one’s life. Then comes the decision to stick to it and further reinforcing the willingness to stop. SMART Recovery is a decent alternative to NA in my opinion for programs that reinforce the will to stop using.

With love.

TY! I´ve had a look at this SMART thing and looks interesting but I don´t think it exists down here ( Brazil) I guess it´s just NA which is not exactly my thing....

 

[skipjames]

Sounds like you're discovering you an opioid problem.


If you want to quit using then quit. If you don't, then don't. Although finding an alternative is always safer than street drugs.

I don't think there's anythiing wrong with people using opioids. I love them. But when you know your supply is low, you gotta taper, otherwise it's on you really.
And definitely think about how access & supply will affect you if you find that need opioids now. Because being dependent on them is not a fun chore.

yeah, addiction is horrid and access and supply down here is very unpredictable, one month I can have access to everything an opioid lover could desire (oxys, morphine, no street shite all from pharmacies) and a month later I could be in an hospital begging for benzos for my " anxiety attacks" . This, plus the fact that opioids destroy my libido, made me realize that it was time to stop. It just pisses me off that I can t be a recreational user, why with opiates it has to be this either- or shit, at least for me.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Just thinking a bit here: you don't think that methadone or buprenorphine are accessible and warranted?

 

[skipjames]

Just thinking a bit here: you don't think that methadone or buprenorphine are accessible and warranted?

Hi there,
you= me? if so,, thanks but unfortunately they don t have methadone or buprenorphine down here (Brazil) , I m kinda against methadone but maybe buprenorphine could do...but again, opioid addiction is basically unheard of in this part of the world, in Brazil the 99.9 of drug addicts are addicted to cocaine or crack

 

[PtahTek]

whether this strategy will work long term

The longer ya stay off oxy the more kratom will help with maintenance. Just my experience.
Got of opioids around 3 yrs ago (but do dabble once in a while) and have used kratom instead. So far this has been sustainable.
Not sure I understand the objective myself but it seems an alternative to opioids is the goal...?
Whatever the case; it can be done although some "goals" are not so easy to reach and come at a great price.
Hoping the best in your endeavors and please be safe?
Peace

 

[skipjames]

Hi all,
ty for all your inputs and support and sorry @6am-64-14m for my late reply....I relapsed 3 days ago but then the day after that I have started stuffing myself with kratom again , I think is the way to go for now, I don t get anything remotely similar to what a " real opiate" feel like with k. but at least if I do k. first thing in the morning, I know I will waste oxys so I don t use them. I think for now the realistic option , as I can t for the life of mine destroy the scripts ( actually the one script left now) is to stick to kratom and allow myself the occasional oxy until the "oxy resources' are done with. The good thing is that my tolerance plummeted. BTW, in the spirit of harm reduction, if someone besides us is reading this thing : after a detox, even a 2 weeks one and even if you have used kratom as a replacement, DON´T USE THE DOSES YOU WERE USED TO, three weeks ago I used to take 100 mgs for breakfast ,then 80-100 mgs during the day, now 80 mgs fucked me up, so stay safe. This is the first take home message. The second is, if you are remotely serious about quitting, don t have scripts- pills-etc left at home, is just calling for disaster. My physical w-d were almost non existent this time(courtesy of kratom and the occasional benzo) but the psychological ones are WORSE and can fuck you up anytime!
Thanks again for the support and the understanding, no one really " gets it" unless you have been there.
Cheers