So this might be a long one.
Is it ok/justified to think the other person is in the wrong for placing causes and reasons on your actions that you genuinely feel are not true? I seem to get a lot of that, of "you did X just for Y reason" and me saying "I didn't do that for Y reason, I did it for Z reason" tends to escalate the situation and cause conflict.
I am not looking for conflict, and try to approach the conversation neutrally. I feel this is unfair, like the other person is getting upset over how they interpret the situation, which can be fair "i feel like you did this for Y reason" but not "you did this for Y reason" if that makes sense, and then absolutely no room to be told otherwise.
Second, is it justified or fair to feel another person's emotions regarding a situation are unfounded, and how would one proceed to resolve this? I feel there have been times where the other person's views or feelings on a situation were not reasonable, and that i can't say "that's not how I see things, thats not how I took the situation" because to the other person it feels like I am negating their feelings.
I get that, but at the same time, if I have one view of things, that just doesn't match what the other person's, how do we compromise? It's like at times trying to convince each other their religion is more right, if that makes sense.
Third, does intent behind meaning of words and action matter, in terms of how appropriate the other person's response is? If I say something with good intent, and not intending to hurt, just comes across in a way I don't want it to, but it hurts the other person's feelings, I feel like that at least matters. I've said things and done things that have hurt feelings, but when I say things like "im sorry, I was trying to say X with Y intention" it doesn't matter.
I can see the "it doesn't matter what you were trying to do/say, it hurt me" but at the same time, I feel it ties into the unreasonable feelings. If I'm saying things and doing things I would do to others, and have done, and that person does not have an issue, I feel at least that plays. Like I know everyone has different levels of sensitivity, and feelings, and responses, but it seems like the sensitivity to being hurt by my statements is turned extremely high, and it's hard to navigate that because it feels slightly variable, and also I don't know how to change behavior and personality in ways that better fit the person.
I come off shitty there, but the pijt is that I feel I have to be very careful with how I say things, and what I say, sort of stepping on eggshells, because so many times I've said and done things with good intentions, felt reasonable, were intended to help or alleviate something, or communicate something, and it just blows up in my face.
If you guys could just sprinkle advice, that would be great
Is it ok/justified to think the other person is in the wrong for placing causes and reasons on your actions that you genuinely feel are not true? I seem to get a lot of that, of "you did X just for Y reason" and me saying "I didn't do that for Y reason, I did it for Z reason" tends to escalate the situation and cause conflict.
I am not looking for conflict, and try to approach the conversation neutrally. I feel this is unfair, like the other person is getting upset over how they interpret the situation, which can be fair "i feel like you did this for Y reason" but not "you did this for Y reason" if that makes sense, and then absolutely no room to be told otherwise.
Second, is it justified or fair to feel another person's emotions regarding a situation are unfounded, and how would one proceed to resolve this? I feel there have been times where the other person's views or feelings on a situation were not reasonable, and that i can't say "that's not how I see things, thats not how I took the situation" because to the other person it feels like I am negating their feelings.
I get that, but at the same time, if I have one view of things, that just doesn't match what the other person's, how do we compromise? It's like at times trying to convince each other their religion is more right, if that makes sense.
Third, does intent behind meaning of words and action matter, in terms of how appropriate the other person's response is? If I say something with good intent, and not intending to hurt, just comes across in a way I don't want it to, but it hurts the other person's feelings, I feel like that at least matters. I've said things and done things that have hurt feelings, but when I say things like "im sorry, I was trying to say X with Y intention" it doesn't matter.
I can see the "it doesn't matter what you were trying to do/say, it hurt me" but at the same time, I feel it ties into the unreasonable feelings. If I'm saying things and doing things I would do to others, and have done, and that person does not have an issue, I feel at least that plays. Like I know everyone has different levels of sensitivity, and feelings, and responses, but it seems like the sensitivity to being hurt by my statements is turned extremely high, and it's hard to navigate that because it feels slightly variable, and also I don't know how to change behavior and personality in ways that better fit the person.
I come off shitty there, but the pijt is that I feel I have to be very careful with how I say things, and what I say, sort of stepping on eggshells, because so many times I've said and done things with good intentions, felt reasonable, were intended to help or alleviate something, or communicate something, and it just blows up in my face.
If you guys could just sprinkle advice, that would be great
