I do everything you do and I'm ADD/OCD/anxiety disorder/panic disorder. medicine has ruined it, made everything worse. i'm sure years of being on adderall doesn't help you either. that;s why you have people that deal with their ADD and those that are on medicine. you can't have it both ways IMO the medicine is just there to make life bearable and from that point on without it your life becomes unbearable
dr said I'm OCD before ADD though. i do the same shit with editing posts, the fear, anxiety etc... you probably have that as well, extreme anxiety. both of these disorders are anxiety disorders though so I'm just stating the obvious
you sound like me a couple years ago. I was homeschooled from 8th grade on, probably the worst mistake of my life. not knowing you I'd say just from that you have serious depression and self esteem issues. I was a fat girl with no life and no real friends and everyone in my mind was against me cause they somehow contributed to my unhappiness. now I am an anorexic ex drug user still with no friends who thought by doing drugs and branching out that happiness could be found. wanted so badly to get away from my normal life and normal feeling, succeeded, but now I wish nothing but to go back there
by saying that I guess I'm just telling you be careful what you go looking for about yourself cause you'll drive yourself off the deep end before you know it. you have a very descriptive idea of what exactly you feel and you can do alot of things with that.