Sunflower Kitten
Greenlighter
Ok so after a major "mistake" last night and realizing how out of control I have become, I know its time to get my ass off all of these drugs. I have a job so I can't afford to up and go to rehab. I also have a daughter that means more to me than anything else in this world. Lately my life has felt like its not worth much of anything and then I had some crazy epiphany this morning when I finally woke up that I needed to do this for her and for myself.
What could I use from bluelight? Some advice as to how to go about this on my own. Here is my DAILY drug list
100mg hydro or 30mg hydro with 5mg oxy 2 or 3 times a day
20mg zolpidem nightly sometimes 10mg with 1 or 2 alprazolam (that little mixture last night kept me asleep all night and half the day and scared me because I had to PUSH to wake myself up fully)
60mg methylphenidate
Throw in various forms of kratom when the urge hits
Non addictive necessary drugs are
60mg prozac (severe depressive disorder)
1 bc pill
(I love my baby but I sure don't need another
)
120 mg tecfidera twice daily (working my way up to 240 twice daily - I have Multiple Sclerosis and this is a new therapy I am trying....yay.../sarcasm)
A few days ago I ran out of all my hydro/oxy. I picked up the Kratom in an attempt to keep wd at bay. Heaaaavy depression going which is fueling my desire to go crazy on everything else.
So clearly I am going to have to come off the oxy/hydro first since I don't have anymore and I'll be damned if I am going to hit up my dr again for a refull. Again, rehab NOT an option. I am on day 3 of no opiates except the kratom. Stomach pains, GI issues, etc. Should I continue to use the Kratom to help or is the reality that the kratom is not doing shit for me? If it will be helpful, how much should I be dosing. I don't get any high off it at this point and I have several different strains and kinds from powder to extract to liquid (although for some reason the liquid seems to knock me out).
Next I have read that I should NOT just randomly stop zolpidem cold turkey. Does anyone have a taper schedule for that? I tried just doing 10mg last night but then of course could not sleep and downed 2 alprazolam and I'll be damned if I could barely wake myself up this morning. Literally could not and that scared the bejeezus out of me. Fortunately I am NOT addicted to the alprazolam. Although somehow I have accumulated a bottle of 80 1mg tablets. Seriously like, the dr just keeps giving them to me for panic attacks (which I DO have but rarely). The last few times I have literally had to be like no don't give me anymore. Cuz I have this enormous bottle I don't know what to do with. But now I feel having all that at my disposal is a danger as I try to come off the zoplidem and am fighting "rebound insomnia". Is there a way to use these to help with the coming off the zolpidem without getting myself in trouble with them or am I best to just lock the fuckers away?
Lastly the methylphenidate. This one is rough. I legitimately have issues with severe fatigue related to MS. I have tried provigil, etc and nothing else works for me. The methyl gives me the energy I need to function but it also gives me a mental mood lift that I have found myself craving. As a result, I have started abusing my prescription. My actual prescription is 10mg twice a day and a half at night if needed. I am up to 30mg twice a day and no longer really feeling the lift I did. Without it though, I am dead on my feet. So how do I get myself back to a "normal" dose of this and regain all the benefits from it?
I realize this post was long and messy but I am just trying to get it all out of my head so I can get it sorted and hopefully get some help.
Scary but true, here are other medications in my house currently at my disposal...
Tramadol, cyclobenzaprine, meloxicam and amitryptiline. Its like a pharmacy up in here...
Does anyone have any advice for this huge mess of drug cocktail???
What could I use from bluelight? Some advice as to how to go about this on my own. Here is my DAILY drug list
100mg hydro or 30mg hydro with 5mg oxy 2 or 3 times a day
20mg zolpidem nightly sometimes 10mg with 1 or 2 alprazolam (that little mixture last night kept me asleep all night and half the day and scared me because I had to PUSH to wake myself up fully)
60mg methylphenidate
Throw in various forms of kratom when the urge hits
Non addictive necessary drugs are
60mg prozac (severe depressive disorder)
1 bc pill


120 mg tecfidera twice daily (working my way up to 240 twice daily - I have Multiple Sclerosis and this is a new therapy I am trying....yay.../sarcasm)
A few days ago I ran out of all my hydro/oxy. I picked up the Kratom in an attempt to keep wd at bay. Heaaaavy depression going which is fueling my desire to go crazy on everything else.
So clearly I am going to have to come off the oxy/hydro first since I don't have anymore and I'll be damned if I am going to hit up my dr again for a refull. Again, rehab NOT an option. I am on day 3 of no opiates except the kratom. Stomach pains, GI issues, etc. Should I continue to use the Kratom to help or is the reality that the kratom is not doing shit for me? If it will be helpful, how much should I be dosing. I don't get any high off it at this point and I have several different strains and kinds from powder to extract to liquid (although for some reason the liquid seems to knock me out).
Next I have read that I should NOT just randomly stop zolpidem cold turkey. Does anyone have a taper schedule for that? I tried just doing 10mg last night but then of course could not sleep and downed 2 alprazolam and I'll be damned if I could barely wake myself up this morning. Literally could not and that scared the bejeezus out of me. Fortunately I am NOT addicted to the alprazolam. Although somehow I have accumulated a bottle of 80 1mg tablets. Seriously like, the dr just keeps giving them to me for panic attacks (which I DO have but rarely). The last few times I have literally had to be like no don't give me anymore. Cuz I have this enormous bottle I don't know what to do with. But now I feel having all that at my disposal is a danger as I try to come off the zoplidem and am fighting "rebound insomnia". Is there a way to use these to help with the coming off the zolpidem without getting myself in trouble with them or am I best to just lock the fuckers away?
Lastly the methylphenidate. This one is rough. I legitimately have issues with severe fatigue related to MS. I have tried provigil, etc and nothing else works for me. The methyl gives me the energy I need to function but it also gives me a mental mood lift that I have found myself craving. As a result, I have started abusing my prescription. My actual prescription is 10mg twice a day and a half at night if needed. I am up to 30mg twice a day and no longer really feeling the lift I did. Without it though, I am dead on my feet. So how do I get myself back to a "normal" dose of this and regain all the benefits from it?
I realize this post was long and messy but I am just trying to get it all out of my head so I can get it sorted and hopefully get some help.
Scary but true, here are other medications in my house currently at my disposal...
Tramadol, cyclobenzaprine, meloxicam and amitryptiline. Its like a pharmacy up in here...
Does anyone have any advice for this huge mess of drug cocktail???