Communal Living?

[malakaix]

What's people's opinions on communal living? Have you lived in a commune-style environment before? How would you contrast it to more independent living?

I haven't lived in an actual commune, but when I spent time travelling overseas I did work (and live) in hostels and bohemian environments.. this of course would be one of the worst examples of communal living, people only spending a couple of days with the intention of drinking and having fun, a clash of values and morals depending on cultural backgrounds, lack of personal investment into the communal environment. That said, it did give me a glimpse into that lifestyle of groups of people living together and it's potential.

Now contrast this to my present circumstances, I live in a suburban house with my brother.. we both have our own schedules, values and individual pursuits. We differ on what we consider important and share different passions and as a result we have little interaction with each other. The outcome is more or less independent living which is quite isolated, we both reconcile this through meeting up with our circle of friends in a social setting but ultimately we always return to an independently isolated living space.

There's pro's and con's to both living arrangements, and I would think family is probably the balance between the two.

 

[Foreigner]

I've lived in many communal environments over the years. Living on my own has generally been the exception, not the rule. During some key developmental phases, like learning how to take care of myself and get along with others, communal living was good. I also lived in a Buddhist monastery for a couple years, which was a good experience in asceticism. Eventually I wanted my independence, and communal households made that impossible.

I live on the west coast where communal households and group collective ethos are prevalent, but they inevitably motivated me strongly to gtfo and be more prosperous so I could get away from them permanently. Either there are too many house rules which control one's lifestyle, or there is general sloppiness. The lawless households are generally occupied by inconsiderate, selfish people who lack self-awareness in relationship to others. There are always lifestyle clashes pertaining to cleaning up after oneself, noise levels, and other base level considerations for others.

On the flipside, house collectives with rules tend to be too restrictive and there are inevitably ideological clashes. Group consensus process in living situations, like having to have house meetings once a week where attendance is mandatory, mandated group meal / interaction times, and "shared values" spaces are eventually grating. The idea that because everyone pays rent, everyone is entitled to their small opinion about everything little thing that goes on, just leads to bureaucratic living styles and it sucks the life out of me. Honestly, toward the end of my experiences, it was being poor that forced me to live in such places. I had no genuine interest in whatever their koolaid collectivism was about, but I had to pay it lipservice in order to survive.

Now... I have my own place, I've been on my own for years. It has its downsides. There's no backup if weird shit happens, if you get really sick and can't care for yourself, if you're too busy to do basic chores. It's all on you. And of course, for someone like me who is prone to mental health problems, during periods where work is slow and I'm home a lot, I can go a long time without seeing another human being. But it has been a blessing in other ways. I don't relate to people in standard ways and I have very particular (even OCD) ways about me that make it hard to always have people around. I also live in one of the most densely populated cities in the world and I absolutely need to have a stable home space that is mine and mine alone. Unlike most people I know, I enjoy consistent silence. I just love quiet. I don't have a TV, I don't blast music, the airwaves are clean here. One thing about living with others that always bothered me was the level of extraneous noise. There was almost a constant presence of media. Few people seem to question the need for having a TV right in the middle of a living room, for example. It's just such an accepted centerpiece.

At this point I'd consider living with a good friend (I mean flawless, no conflict, easy going), or a long-term partner. I am done living with de facto strangers. I've seen the worst of humanity through collective households and I'll never go back if I can avoid it. Maybe I've just had bad luck with roommates but my impression is that a lot of people out there have psychopathic or narcissistic personality traits.

 

[SKL]

^ yeah the communal living situations are either anarchic
(as an extreme example I once lived in a sort of punk rock heroin crash pad squat type living situation)
or overly controlling basically
a roomate thing is different if you have enough space to give each other space and not be on top of one another
i have lived in half a duplex apartment with people i don't really know, that was chill because we basically didn't even have to see one another but could interact if we wanted/needed to
they could feed my cat if i went away for a week, etc.
but forced interaction with others in my living space is not something i'm ok with
tends to get weird and awkward
and they say friends don't make good roommates or it doesn't make good things for the friendship

 

[bingey]

Yes I lived with 75 asylum seekers a winter ago , only 5 showers and stale bread every day kind of a miracle nobody killed themselves (on purpose)

I'm sick of having to share everything just got thrown out of another group home , really I enjoy the psych wards (best form of communal living) kind of a cross-over between cheap motel and hospital , nice really.

 

[Xorkoth]

My girlfriend lived in a communal living place for a while when I first met her, it was a farm this guy owns where people come in and work to stay, or pay a small amount of rent for a room. They grow food and try to sustain themselves on their own as much as possible. The guy who owns it is kind of... hard to describe, but it wasn't a good situation for her in the end. There was a weird level of control going on, and the guy doesn't do a great job of making sure everything is running well. And a LOT of people go through there.

A friend of mine from college has lived on a commune out west with friends for quite a few years now and she's really, really happy with it.

My friends and I have an eventual goal, at least right now, of buying a good chunk of land together and building houses on it, and we'd have communal gardening/farming areas and we'd have our own spaces but also share space a lot... when/if kids happen, they'd be part of it too. I really like the idea actually, it wouldn't be like the stereotypical idea of a "commune", just a sharing of resources and close/supportive living situation. We already consider each other family and spend a significant amount of time together almost every day at their house (which already has 4 of the 6 people in consideration living there), so I think it would actually work really well.

 

[szuko000]

I have no true experience in the matter I have lived in a dorm and a shared apartment but that is different then a commune. In some regards the members of a house work toward a common goal, upkeep of the house, so in that regard any type of roommate situation mirrors some commune living. Thats also very dependent on the individuals you live with and your relationship with them malakaix actually did a great job of explaining it.

I actually had to read a book by B.F. Skinner in my sociology class at college: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walden_Two

This actually explores what its like (or would be by skinners ideas) to live in a commune. Please bare in mind it was from 1948 so its probably dated and was before the idea was put into practice in the 60s here. I know communes have been around since before but the 60s was a time for small experimental "hippie communes" if you will. Its an interesting read if you really want to well read a fictional tale about what it may be like to live in this type of society before the idea was explored here.

 

[-=SS=-]

I would want my own space, but living near to a lot of friends or at least compatible relaxed people. Hobbiton basically.

 

[thujone]

I think community is good but communal requires too much sacrifice. I hear that in Germany there are a number of "communes" that are really just close-knit sustainable-living communities where people travel to the nearby city for their normal jobs and just happen to have homes in a more rural area where they can invest in local power-generation and other such sustainability initiatives.

Likewise in rural Europe I've seen just basic communities where people grow produce and raise a few animals and barter for the stuff they need even though they aren't part of the agriculture market otherwise. One of my cousins grew up in such a community and she's always been strong, vibrant, sexy, happy person and same with everyone else in her family. She went to the city for school but never had any doubts that she would go back to the rural life. I guess it's different in Europe though, since the rural areas are close enough to the city that you can still enjoy all the benefits of modern living (broadband, waste disposal, road maintenance) and still feel a sense of independence and belonging in a stable community

 

[herbavore]

I lived on a commune when I was young. I loved it at the time. We all felt like we were in uncharted territory and we were, so that added a level of excitement and even meaning to the experience. It was an old farm in the woods, so there was always the possibility of tromping off into the forest and getting some space for yourself. I like my alone time and I spent a lot of time in the woods but I loved the communal time growing, harvesting and cooking food, dreaming up crazy and creative projects, etc. We made candles in the barn and sold them for money at fairs-- (the 70's!). I doubt I could take it now but it's a memory I treasure.

 

[vortech]

http://tribalconvergence.com/
This is a central point of convergence linking together communal living groups aligned with common intentions for sustainability, wellness, community.
If you are part of a group and are aligned with these codes, let them know!

 

[sevenyearautopsy]

I've been living with a group of friends (4-5 at the time) in a small house with good connections to a capital city now for more than three years. Of course it's not always all good but I find for the most part it has mainly positives. We're all above 25+ years old, quite busy with work and school and projects, different schedules throughout the week. So often theres only a few people at home at the same time, which helps with making the house feel less crowded. And since we work odd hours, some off us, we all try to be respectfull with noises and guests so that everybody can get good sleep. I think it helps that we're all kind of calm and easy going people.
When I and the other guy who's been here the longest first moved in it was more of a "punk house", the guy who had the contract was very messy and didn't want any rules. So I learned to adapt to that. When that gang moved out later I moved two of my old friends in and the whole culture of the house shiftet. It was a bit hard at first, going from chaos and dirt to having house meetings sometimes, making cleaning schedules, talking about how we communicate in the house and keeping it a living process. But it was all worth it I think, it's a better place now. All in all this house as been a very positive growing experience for me. I'm very happy with the friends I now share it with and I hope to stay here much longer.

For me, I believe personally, that we humans are supposed to belong to a little "tribe" or group if you will. Doesn't have to be family by blood and doesn't have to be a life long commitment. But to have some other people to share our spaces with. Individuality is some kind of neurosis and it gets worse if we feel disconnected and lonely.

 

[herbavore]

Sounds great and I agree with your last paragraph for the most part. I need a balance of tribe/family/connection and the hermit experience, or at the very least, solo travel. My idea of a perfect balance would be a communal home base with shared pet-care, shared responsibility for keeping the house comfortable, optional shared meals and then a sizeable portion of every year that I could go space out and be alone somewhere. Not sure how to finance myself in that fantasy, though.