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Coming out as bi and being married

  • Thread starter Thread starter nervouscalm
  • Start date Start date
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nervouscalm

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So long time member here that I will say, been a bit since I've posted.
So in a nut shell tonight I came out as bi-sexual to a close friend who I trust to be discreet and not run their mouth. I'm 28, male, married to a wonderful lady, have a beautiful daughter who will be 2 in a few months, I haven't told my wife yet but, I fully intend to when we have more than an hour together. I want her to know I an not interested in a boy friend ect., I still love her and the kiddo just the same, and I'm still me I just happened to have an epiphany.
I'm just not sure how to put it all together. Part of me has a feeling after 7yrs and being married for almost 2 of that she kinda knows and is just waiting for me to say it. This is the calm part honestly, as is coming to terms myself.
I just don't want it to shock her, she has bad memories of people coming out to her, her boyfriend before me came out to her ending their coupling, though they remain close friends to this day. I want her to know that in no way is she losing me or am I leaving her or my daughter's lives. Thus is the nervous part. The friend I came out to said to tell her that and just be honest and I should be fine.
I feel our relationship is strong and that we have weathered some nasty storms so I hope for this to just be a ripple.
Responses or not just needed to get it out in a fairly relaxed and accepting place.
Thanks for being here Bluelight!
 
Moved from Annon :) - I'm not sure that your wife will see this as a ripple though (I hope for all of you she does). I think it would be an automatic response to think that your going to leave her at some point and for can you honestly say that you wouldn't?

You say that your not interested in a boyfriend but is that because your married or are you saying this to maybe make this a bit easier to come to terms with? Your obviously looking to become active with guys, to what degree ? Are you going to look for a regular fuck bud or is this something you have thought about?
 
At the very least your wife might worry about you cheating on her. If you have an open relationship I suppose that's a different story. If you never plan to cheat on her or act on your new found bisexuality then why stress her with this news?
 
Copied from Annon

nervouscalm said:
Response to responses in Coming out as bi and being married
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/779869-Coming-out-as-bi-and-being-married

For everyone who has responded thus far thank you for the support!

And. . .

I told her, and she took it pretty well and though surprised she was ok. She told me she was glad I told her this and did want
to have a few details on how it all came about and I obliged. I also reassured her that I still deeply loved her and our daughter
and had NO intentions of going anywhere, she told me that made her feel a lot better as a whole to hear. She did ask why
this took me 7 years to tell her and I explained it took me this long to fully realize myself and she understood that. She is more
than ok with me being with a guy if I so desire, she asked if it's ok she'd like to be a part of the fun. I asked her if she worried
about me not telling her what I was up to (i.e. cheating) and her honest response was no. All honesty anyone I decide to bring to
bed has to pass muster with her, I should mention she is bi too, and has been with girls on my blessing since we have been together.
That being said I think for now I'm personally not going to be on the prowl, daddy duties are a second full time job and where we
currently reside, is NOT LGBT friendly, DEEP red territory and in small towns like this word travels fast. When I was in school here long
ago I was a hippy among rednecks, fag and dyke were the usual taunts and fist fights were frequent, all because I rocked a pony tail
(tried a buzz cut didn't help), I will not put her or the young one through that. For now I prefer to remain on the quiet end of things and
trying to find a friendly person I would be comfortable with and trust would be rather hard. All in all for now we are both letting it sink in
and talking about it ect. We talked and cuddled for 2 hours tonight and in her words "it's not even a ripple love, more of a blip".
As a final note we make 2 yrs married in a few months and 8 years together.

Again thanks to all those who responded and the Bluelight community for being here.
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