TDS Coming off Tramadol - relationship/emotional problems

[PixPie]

My dr prescribed me Tramadol 9 months ago for sciatic pain.
That quickly turned into abuse. I'd been eating stupid quantities of it non-stop for months.
Loved the euphoria, energy, etc.
Last couple of weeks been trying to taper down, but with no success.
Decided best way was to get rid of all pills and scripts, which I did last night.
First day sober and I've already had a huge fight with my partner.
I pick at him about the tiniest things and he says I'm not the person he met.
We'd been together for almost 9 months now. I love him. I think he loves me.
But I've been treating him like complete shit, I'm crying and depressed all the time.
I wouldn't be surprised when he walks out.
I can't stop crying, I've had some valium but it's not helping.
I don't know what to do, I have no motivation to take my mind off this shit feeling.
I want to cut myself (something I haven't done in over 10 years) or sleep. But I can't sleep.
Seeing my partner just sends me into a hate spiral. He is a beautiful person and doesn't deserve it.
Then I hate myself and feel like I'm failing another relationship.

Please help.

 

[spork]

First of all, does your partner know about the tramadol and what you're going through right now? If not, I do think you should let him know, so he can try to be a little more supportive of you and at least try to understand what you're going through.

As for the cutting, something I learned recently that helps with that is to put your hands together so that the heels of your hands are touching (but don't interlace your fingers). When your hands are in this position close your eyes and push your hands together as hard as you can. After I do this (sometimes it takes a few times) I feel like some of the stress has been lifted and less of a need to cut.

The pain you're going through won't last forever. Try not to think of the long term right now and focus on your recovery. Every day sober is something to be thankful for as is every hour and every minute. You can get through this.

 

[PixPie]

Thanks for your reply

I want to tell him. But I know he disapproved of my taking it, however he said it's none of his business.
He wasn't aware (I don't think) of the extent of it. I just don't want him to think he ended up with some loser.
Although it probably can't get much worse than this.
I had no idea withdrawals off this evil stuff could be so bad. Tears are pouring out of my eyes constantly.

Thank you for your advice, I'll try it.

 

[spork]

Honey, I think you need to tell him. I'm guessing he might know that there is more to it than you previously mentioned to him anyway, especially with the mood swings and your behavior lately. If he doesn't support you through this, honestly I think it might be less stressful for you to get through this on your own.

Withdrawals from tramadol are indeed horrible. Not only are you experiencing withdrawals from an opioid, but also an anti-depressant. Please be gentle on yourself. It's a fragile time and though it might be hard, I think some self-love will go a long way.

 

[ad lib]

You made the right decision by quitting this medication.

I too suggest telling your partner just so he better understands what you are going through, and so you have his support. The physical withdrawal symptoms will last for about a week, but it will certainly take time for your emotions to even out. Like spork said, you're withdrawing from an opioid and an anti depressant. Of course your moods will be affected. But please take it easy on yourself . You will gradually start to get back to the state of where you were before you started taking the medication. It just takes time.

Hang in there sweetie xx

 

[FnX]

Well first of all, I don't think you're a loser for trying to quit Tramadol, it would be pretty much the opposite of loser in my book, whatever that may be. It's much easier for him to deal with all this if he can understand why you are going through this and that it's temporary, if you don't tell him, who knows what he might think is the underlining cause of your behaviour lately?

I can really relate to issues like these and problems in a relationship, I've gone through similiar phases in the past. I would get extremely angry over the tiniest things like, if for example it was my partners turn to do the laundry and she was too tired from work to do it and procrastinated for longer than usual. Literally everything that usually would have made me just sigh and shrug made me frustrated and angry. How I dealt with this was, well, a form of anger management I guess. I let my partner know of my current volatile condition and that I'm trying my best to stay calm, that I love her and that I'm not really even angry, it's just a reaction that stems from the brain chemistry correcting itself. She would know that, if she pushed me, I couldn't necessary control myself and I might say things I wouldn't normally say. Sometimes going out for a long walk when I felt like I was about to explode helped calm me down and cope with the every day stress better.

I always used to tell myself that they aren't my thoughts, it's the drug thinking and trying to make me say things I really didn't want to say and it made it a lot easier to try and ignore these bouts of anger and urges to say things. Even if I use the term easier, it was in no way easy! Have strength, time will heal both you and your relationship if you both try hard enough!

 

[PixPie]

Guys, you all rock!

I told him this morning (day 2 off tramadol) and he was very understanding.
I don't think he'd realised how bad it had gotten for me.
So feeling a lot better already, not crying at the drop of a hat.
And my motivation seems to be returning, yay!

FnX, that's exactly what I was doing - getting angry over the smallest things.
Sometimes I swear it was things I had imagined too.

Thanks for your support, everyone.
It really means a lot to know that others have gone through this hell and came out smiling on the other side :D

 

[ad lib]

I'm so glad to hear that you told him and he's understanding! The peace of mind and support from him will hopefully make things easier.

Bluelight is also here for support, it's a great community.

 

[TJ5]

I had been clean an sober 27mo off everything. Taking Tramadol was the dumbest thing I did during my clean time. My doc is meth opiates is 2nd. It woke up my inner fiend for painkillers an i tried 9 months to get completely off. It wasnt just w/ds from opiod as i found out later on here it is also an anti-depressant. Mainly, I hated feeling tired all the time no metter how much or little i slept. I had this horrific apathy from hell. Idid ask doc wot to do an he put me on taper schedule. I finally had given up ever being able to get back to feeling normal. After 9 months, while i did manage to cut back by half,i should of been completely off. I was freaked out coz I no longer believed i was clean in NA while taking those pills i wanted off so badly. It did a number on my head and in retrospect I think what i should of done was to taper ALOT slower slower an it may hav takn a yr. I wud tell ur husband an ur doc or at least. Ultimately, for me
gettn flustered and panicy left me thinkn i had no other option BUTT to take drugs to end suffrrij

 

[Pagey]

I haven't used tramadol more than a few times but I do know a couple people who abused it and it really sounded like the withdrawals were absolute hell. It's always a bit of a consolation to know that what you're feeling is normal and will go away by itself, I think.
I'm glad to hear you told your partner about it, sounds like it was definitely the right thing to do.
This may be a dumb idea - as I said, I'm no expert on tramadol so I don't know exactly what the WDs are like - but do you think exercising might help with the mood swings and frustration? Whenever I find myself in that kind of vulnerable state, drug-induced/WD-induced or not, pushing myself physically in one way or another always helps a lot. Plus if you're really tired you might not have the energy to fight with your partner so much.
Best of luck!