Comfortable love scares me

[deadmau]

I'm 25 years old. I was with my girlfriend 3 years and 6 months (we were living together for 2 years). After about a year and a half of dating the spark was gone but she was my best friend and I still loved her and cared about her deeply. Problem was it turned into a comfortable love. Marriage to me means being absolutely head over heels in love with that person (who knows maybe everyone's relationships turn into comfortable love but it didn't satisfy me, I wanted someone new to get that amazing "honeymoon phase" feeling back. I felt trapped, for a year and a half I thought at was my life, and while I never showed it I was sad.

Fast forward to last month, I have a group of friends and I was drawn to my friends g/f and she was drawn to me. We decided to go for the secret thing and I dunno if it was because she was the first girl I tried for in almost 4 years or we had a real connection. It lasted about 10 days before everyone found out and by that time I was the one head over heels for this girl so much that I was more upset losing this girl than my girlfriend. I broke up with her even though she wanted to desperately work it out with me, I told her how i felt and I was sorry and broke up with her.

Me and my secret fling (now me being single, and her with a bf) decided to keep seeing each other and I was so happy. Eventually she decided to choose her boyfriend over me and I was heartbroken (she still texts me and tries talking to me and its so painful). While I am no longer trapped, my ex-g/f now has a new b/f and I couldn't be more than happier for her (this has to be the first relationship I didn't cry when it ended...sad thing is I was more upset losing my secret than my g/f).

So weird, I really hope that not everything turns to comfortable love because I have no idea how ill stay faithful in the long run of marriage and it scares the shit out of me...maybe I'm just screwed up in the head or something.

 

[Pagey]

No relationship stays in the honeymoon phase forever, you've got to accept that. Eventually the spark does die down, it's perfectly normal. But that doesn't mean it can't still be really exciting, you just have to find new ways for that to happen, make a little more efforts maybe. If it really felt that bad with your ex maybe the two of you just weren't right for each other, but the dynamics change in every relationship eventually.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I think you really have to move on after you've been with someone that long.

 

[Beatlebot]

Here's what you need to understand, the people in your life that you have relationships with... they're people - not entertainment units. They're not drugs there to get you high. They're people. You loved this girl so much after ten days? That's not love as I know it, that's another thing, and it's only happening inside your head. That other girl, she could see that, and that's why she chose her boyfriend over you in the end.

 

[Lysis]

OP I think you are confusing love, infatuation and complacency. None of which are wrong but you desire a girl you can't have and maybe you just fell out of love with the ex. It happens and it's something we can't control.

A sense of complacency and comfortableness happens. Maybe some people are just unhappy unless they always feel excitement.

I like feeling comfortable with someone but infatuation is a strong magnet.

 

[rangrz]

Maybe some people are just unhappy unless they always feel excitement.

Which is precisely why amphetamine, 1000cc supersports, and other safe forms of entertainment like elevator surfing exist and should be taken part in frequently.

I like feeling comfortable with someone but infatuation is a strong magnet.

Hmm, emotions have both electric charge and intrinsic angular momentum/spin giving rise to a magnetic moment? Just how large of a magnitude of a magnetic field is it? Like rare earth magnet ~1.5Tesla~? Superconducting magnet like 3 Tesla (For a MRI) to 8 Tesla (Large Hadron Collider bending magnets) or is it astronomical 10,000,000,000 tesla (Magnetar, type of neutron star)?

 

[kytnism]

Here's what you need to understand, the people in your life that you have relationships with... they're people - not entertainment units. They're not drugs there to get you high. They're people. You loved this girl so much after ten days? That's not love as I know it, that's another thing, and it's only happening inside your head. That other girl, she could see that, and that's why she chose her boyfriend over you in the end.

wow.

thats certainly some food for thought.

this is why i miss you being a mod in here.

...kytnism...