MrBrightside614
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2015
- Messages
- 7
Hey everyone, just want to start off saying I appreciate all this site does in the way of mental health support and drug education. I decided to post for the first time after being a long a time reader, because I believe my case is somewhat unique, but still covers topics I'm sure many of you are more well-read in than myself. My slow decline into full blown addiction started with a back injury (herniated disc, dural adhesion, facet joint issues). I was in constant pain for the better part of a year- not being able to comfortably sit in a chair/couch, drive, work, lift, have sex, etc. I'm normally a very able-bodied and happy person and I was also going through a terrible emotional roller coasters with a girl I had planned to marry (won't go into it, but its about as bad as you can get). Within about 2 months of each other, I lost everything I loved. My sports, my love, my life. Enter: major depression. As if the constant pain weren't enough, I had to now dwell on everything I had subsequently lost, and being an independent person, I told absolutely no one about everything I was going through. I hate pity, and I hate weakness, so I tried best as I could to cope and mask all these symptoms with drugs. Looking back on it now, I can't say that I even regret it. Literal hell on earth, every second of every day. Had to turn to something to keep my job as a server and what interrelationships I had, in tact. Now, I hate how painkillers made me feel and I had weight room numbers to live up to, so I started taking adderall with way more consistency than I knew was safe (~60mg 3-4x/week). I always killed the comedowns I got with a nice dose (1.6g-2g) of phenibut (which is an awesome comedown cure if you take it as directed, and don't get addicted). What I didn't expect was the pain relief that phenibut gave me. Absolutely destroyed all pain when standing and moving, most of the pain that came with sitting and laying for too long. So, I started taking it on my off days as well (800mg-1.2g max when not taken to evade added all comedown), and it kept me away from all the negativity that would creep in, with both my constant pain, and my actual depression and anxiety. It was a life saver at the time. But now, after 8 months of heavy use of each, I know I'm down regulated to hell. I now suffer from pretty bad anhedonia, decreased libido, low energy, lack of focus, and major tolerances to each drug.
MY GOAL is to make my anxiolytic/nootropic regiment strong enough that it keeps me to taking adderall to 1-2x/week, at most, so that my resting dopamine levels are sufficient enough to not find simple tasks like paying bills, cleaning, and exercising, completely exhaustive and anxiety-worsening. I had been taking triacetyluridine on my off-days with sulbutiamine and alcar to uoregulate d-2 receptors and encourage dendritic growth, to limited success. Really all I was doing was partially off-setting the steady decline in my receptors.. nothing in the way of tolerance reversal or anything like that, so I still very much remain even physically dependent on each drug. I'm probably mostly psychologically dependent on the added all, as I take it when I have my "big lifts" (I.e. 300+ bench press days), because I'm not even sure it does anything in the way of convincing me that I'll beat the weight (like it used to), but instead is just taken because "well I probably can't do it without it.."
I now have my hands on some memantine (clarity, tolerance reversal) and tianeptine (anxiolytic). Still have the triacetyluridine/alcar/sulbutiamine. Thinking about getting buproprion (for NDRI effects), selegilene (clarity), and pramiprexole (sexual indifference). I'm thinking if I take all of these in the correct dosages, it will keep my withdrawal symptoms and addiction at bay, while slowly up regulating my receptors, leading to more fulfilling "sober" days, and more of a bang from the days I take adderall. Can anyone shed some light on how exactly I should go about this dosing regimen? I don't have to take it all, but I've done enough research to see that these compounds will bring everything back up to working order as quickly and as safely as possible. I just want to be happy again.
Thanks so much,
Brightside
MY GOAL is to make my anxiolytic/nootropic regiment strong enough that it keeps me to taking adderall to 1-2x/week, at most, so that my resting dopamine levels are sufficient enough to not find simple tasks like paying bills, cleaning, and exercising, completely exhaustive and anxiety-worsening. I had been taking triacetyluridine on my off-days with sulbutiamine and alcar to uoregulate d-2 receptors and encourage dendritic growth, to limited success. Really all I was doing was partially off-setting the steady decline in my receptors.. nothing in the way of tolerance reversal or anything like that, so I still very much remain even physically dependent on each drug. I'm probably mostly psychologically dependent on the added all, as I take it when I have my "big lifts" (I.e. 300+ bench press days), because I'm not even sure it does anything in the way of convincing me that I'll beat the weight (like it used to), but instead is just taken because "well I probably can't do it without it.."
I now have my hands on some memantine (clarity, tolerance reversal) and tianeptine (anxiolytic). Still have the triacetyluridine/alcar/sulbutiamine. Thinking about getting buproprion (for NDRI effects), selegilene (clarity), and pramiprexole (sexual indifference). I'm thinking if I take all of these in the correct dosages, it will keep my withdrawal symptoms and addiction at bay, while slowly up regulating my receptors, leading to more fulfilling "sober" days, and more of a bang from the days I take adderall. Can anyone shed some light on how exactly I should go about this dosing regimen? I don't have to take it all, but I've done enough research to see that these compounds will bring everything back up to working order as quickly and as safely as possible. I just want to be happy again.
Thanks so much,
Brightside
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