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cold turkey after 2 years, advice please

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snowboarder88

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Joined
Aug 30, 2008
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118
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nyc
Ive been smoking pot for about 2 years straight and recently went cold turkey, about 2 weeks ago and I am experience very little sleep, agitation, over-analyzing, second guessing myself, regret, and playing things over in my head if i had done certain things differently, as well as trying to get back the people I have lost while just digging the hole deeper and deeper, all the while telling myself that everyone else is fucked up, ive lost patience with everything and everyone and drawing conclusions from everything that i think of or see.

I smoked anywhere from once a day to being high all day long with intermitten use of cocaine, a binge that pretty much last a month, oxycontin, adderall binging, alcohol, skoal, and towards the end mdma or ecstasy with ketamine twice a month for about 4 months. There were times that i thought everyone was plotting against me. I was depressed, lost control and when i tried to re-gain control just lost even more of it. i would play out things in my head before they even happened pretty much find the endpoint to everything i did. I always thought i was right and i had a hard time taking into account anyone else's viewpoint. then when i actually stopped i would re-play what i had done in my head and continually asked myself the what-if? questions. I felt like i was bi-polar and still do even tho it has been two weeks since my last blaze and probabley last month from the last time I did any other drug?
there were times where i tried to find meaning in every little thing that i did or that happened to me.
I know i dug myself and my head a deep hole with my drug usage, and i can honestly say that I dont want to do or I dont do any of that anymore, i even fight the urges. Is time the only thing that will help or should i seek professional help. I have apologized, been able to realize what i have done to certain people was wrong and realized that i have been frustrated with myself more than anyone and that I have only myself to blame. Is there more that i can or need to do overcome my problems. I am trying to accept everything for what it is, leave whats in the past in the past but is the only thing that can really help with this time? And how long? Im moving on but it aint easy.

i think that what made my time on drugs the worst is due to the fact that i didnt appreciate the people who did care or the things i had or was able to do. I didnt realize how fortunate I was and that not everyone was as fortunate as i am. After takin some time off I do realize that i have a lot more than most people, whether it is things, or family or friends and i couldnt take any criticism because i was so unsecure about these things.

I forgot to mention that from January to June I was abroad, on my own, studying in London, when my drug use peaked.
 
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Oh alright, I was just wondering if you were younger judging by your reaction to weed. In all seriousness, I would go see a shrink and be honest.
 
you got any advice on what the fuck i say to or how i handle the people that i was closed to that completely alienated me because i freaked them out with my behavior and what i was saying, like the people that i really really freaked out
 
Check out The Dark Side here, or even love, sex, relationships. I feel more people will be able to research this thread there.

For now I will leave this open so long as this does not derail. Assphace's link is also useful.
 
Sounds a lot like me when i was 18-20. Found out when i was 18 that i was BiPolar and refused to take anything for it. I call it centrifugal brain syndrome where your mind is just constantly mulling over stuff that not only doesn't matter, but that other people aren't even aware of. I can remember like meeting an acquaintance and making an off color joke or garbling my words when i said something and then spend like an hour obsessing over what they thought of that or thinking what a fucking moron i was for saying or doing something that very likely nobody else even NOTICED.

Exercise WILL improve your mental state, even just getting out walking around should help. It sounds like you're mired in self doubt and there's probably no real reason other than your mind spinning in circles. Seeing someone and just pouring out how you feel to a stranger can really be a big, big help. From there (for me anyway) it was kind of learning "oh...therapists don't like tell you how to live and make your life perfect, they just give you an objective perspective and let you know that i'm not crazy for feeling the way i do, the rest is up to me"

Take it easy, take it easy, don't let the sounds of your own wheels drive ya crazy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEzTdBJUHO8
 
Oh, for the record when i was 22 i ended up having another 'manic episode', spent some time in a place, got out and was like 'yeaaaah i'm out of college and have a job maybe i better start taking the Lithium' Been on it for 6+ years, and other than the first 3 months it's been a godsend. You may not be BiPolar, you might just have 'monopolar depression'

I did have to go through hell for 3 months though, my body was like nope, you hate yourself, and you will sleep only 4 hours a day and that will be from 6-10pm so that when you arrive for work at 8am you'll have been awake for 10 hours already. Fucker.

If you drink/get riled up do you feel like invincible and/or experience a sharp change in your personality? Ever just have like 3/7/10 days where you were sure you were perfect and had all the answers (at the height of my manic episode i literally thought that i was Jesus, and that my father who passed when i was 15 was god and was coming to earth. Then again i had a reeeeeeallllly severe case) ?

I do get a little bit of that from your post actually now that i re-read it. There's a decent chance you're BiPolar and there's nothing to be ashamed of in that, we luckily live in an era where loonies aren't stigmatized and left in a prison until they uncrazy themselves =D

I still drink/smoke pot but i don't get the creepy 'why don't people like me, i think they do, but i don't like me, can they tell, is that why they don't like me, but some people like me, but does that gas station attendant know i'm high, and oh god oh god i'm gonna be late and the worlds gonna end' syndrome at all anymore.
 
Yo i fuckin feel really good. I think Ive narrowed it down to what may be causing my feelings. Met a girl in London I fell in love with and had to leave her. ya digg? broken heart lol. and throw the drugs in, especially how out of control my usage was towards the end of my 5 month stint in London and coming home. And not having school or work just gave me too much time to think about it. I also left a girl in philly before I left for London and it was hard but i moved on. but when i took that ketamine and e it sent my mind for a whirlwind, like thats when i kept replaying everything in my head. To be honest i dont even know if i was truly in love or if it was more of a drug love. But bluelight is magical escpecially when you can find people to relate to, NomNom i pointing you out mo fucka haha, and chaniner, just for caring. im easy going, dont really take much seriously nd i guess through all this madness i lost sight of what life is really about...lovin every rise and fall and most definitely roll with the punches. take it as it comes, draw no conclusions and live it to the fullest, and in the moment. live for the now and for the future and dont look back. and most importantly dont think, just do, cuz thats when you kow your being yourself, and when your being yourself you cant have any regret. lastly, hahah, girls that are keepers are the girls that are gonna keep you in line, not do the drugs with you, dont mix girls with drugs, and yes pot is a drug.

and let me tell you something about these girls, these two girls are the girls that you know right away theyre for you when you see em.
 
=D

Glad to hear you're on the up and up. Just try to remember next time you find yourself in a funk - "i've been through this before, i got through it and felt better for a while, i'll feel better again and go on with my life." For me the hardest part was always when i started feeling like "have i always felt like this, when didn't i feel like this...is life always gonna be like this..." then it just gets progressively darker from there. As far as the chicks in London go, i mean it's the same as always: pics or it didn't happen =D
 
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