rynebowaver
Bluelighter
the feeling of an insane trip, with the added coke and liquor
This was the singular most insane experience I have had, and most of it could not have been due to the substances in use...
The mood was already set for a dismal day. My mom had an emergency visit to the hospital to check her baby's heartbeat at 10:30am 3/14/01. News comes back, baby had died. 2:30 pm, same day, she's admitted for induced labor.
Rather than suffer through all of this either in the hospital room with my morphine-drugged-down mom, or sit at home alone and worry, I went out to Detroit with my brother.
9:30 pm, brother clocks in, he works at a gay club in Detroit, I sit back and chill, wait for his coke hookups to show.
11:00 pm, hookup shows, quarter gram snorted, very painful, very pure, whole face went numb, pupils visibly dialated.
11:30-2am, 2 more grams, getting very jumpy, energized, stressed about mom in hospital- called, baby still not delivered.
2am-first drink, *** on the beach, strong, then another two lines. getting slightly zoned.
4 am, leaving this club to go to an after hours one across town, as soon as we get there, we each do a quarter gram from another hook up, even worse burn, eyes watering, very good all over buzz, did lots of talking for the next 30 minutes. lots of good music, nice vibes, friendly people.
6 am- leaving to head back home, rest stops inbetween to do bumps, misfortune of coke turning to paste
7:30 arrive back to apartment, mom still in hospital, snorting chunks of cocaine paste, followed by water, throat raw, nose hurts
8 am-11 am freebased quarter gram of paste, very cracked out feeling, 20 oz of beer, feeling like I could take a 5 mile jog and not flinch
2 pm, at hospital, 5 pm baby finally delivered.
6 pm, back home by myself, zoned in a horrible paranoid mood, and this is when it really started...
I was watching tv, and the people's words weren't following their mouths. I was staring at the bookshelf, and something ran across, some strange visual, gets worse. A shape forms, it's a 1 foot little elf, and he's dancing a jig... No matter how long I turn away, he's still there. Mini blinds act as if the window is open, as if I were tripping off of LSD... Little man gets closer and dances right in front of the gl*** table, colors form, reds and greens. Tv turns to static, and I decide to leave. My body is dragging, my mind is spacing, and that little man was making me paranoid that I was going crazy, it was like he was actually there!
9 pm, driving out to my dad's house... could not distinguish between red and green lights, headlights blinding to a painful point. In my head, mumbling "you're going crazy, you're not going to make it home, you're going crazy, you're going crazy!!" I'm completely paranoid. To this point I have still not slept since my mom went to the hospital the morning before tonight. Driving, lose complete bearings, think I'm lost on the road I've driven hundreds of times. CAnnot vary between lanes. Half way home, thinking I'm almost saved, I start swerving, crazedly swerving. I look up, it's cloudy. Something moves, there are little animals all over the road, deer on the side, things running, bugs colliding with my windshield. None of it real. I look up at the sky, and its swirling, grey and blue and black, swirling like a tornado is approaching. At this point I really think I'm going crazy for real. I start swerving again. My lane is not my lane, it's the other person's and I'm face to face with another car. I veer, safe.
10:00 pm, reach my dad's house, he's at work. I call a friend, she can't come over, school tomorrow. 6 pack in the fridge, and I don't even touch it, and it's my favorite kind of beer. I hear voices in the shadows of my empty house. The curtains are not still... There are people that I can't see walking. I look at the christmas party lights on the ceiling that i've had up forever, and they're blinking, but I know I didn't turn them on. I stare at the curtains in the picture window, and my whole body shuts down, my mind goes blank, and over and over again in my head some one else's voice is chanting "you're going crazy, you're going crazy, you're going crazy, you are not alone..." I started shaking, turning the tv on after my 15 minute daze... In my peripheral vision, visuals are everywhere, but I try to block them out until 7 am when my dad came home, and I could finally sleep.
So what do you think? Was it the cocaine, the *one* drink I had? Or the mix of all this with no sleep and a lot of stress. Because out of all the drugs I have done, never in my life have I experienced something as vivid and surreal without hallucinogens.
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*with the wind i rode on a wave, with the absence of.. i fell, with the light i awakened, and with the night stars i was alive and breathing*
This was the singular most insane experience I have had, and most of it could not have been due to the substances in use...
The mood was already set for a dismal day. My mom had an emergency visit to the hospital to check her baby's heartbeat at 10:30am 3/14/01. News comes back, baby had died. 2:30 pm, same day, she's admitted for induced labor.
Rather than suffer through all of this either in the hospital room with my morphine-drugged-down mom, or sit at home alone and worry, I went out to Detroit with my brother.
9:30 pm, brother clocks in, he works at a gay club in Detroit, I sit back and chill, wait for his coke hookups to show.
11:00 pm, hookup shows, quarter gram snorted, very painful, very pure, whole face went numb, pupils visibly dialated.
11:30-2am, 2 more grams, getting very jumpy, energized, stressed about mom in hospital- called, baby still not delivered.
2am-first drink, *** on the beach, strong, then another two lines. getting slightly zoned.
4 am, leaving this club to go to an after hours one across town, as soon as we get there, we each do a quarter gram from another hook up, even worse burn, eyes watering, very good all over buzz, did lots of talking for the next 30 minutes. lots of good music, nice vibes, friendly people.
6 am- leaving to head back home, rest stops inbetween to do bumps, misfortune of coke turning to paste
7:30 arrive back to apartment, mom still in hospital, snorting chunks of cocaine paste, followed by water, throat raw, nose hurts
8 am-11 am freebased quarter gram of paste, very cracked out feeling, 20 oz of beer, feeling like I could take a 5 mile jog and not flinch
2 pm, at hospital, 5 pm baby finally delivered.
6 pm, back home by myself, zoned in a horrible paranoid mood, and this is when it really started...
I was watching tv, and the people's words weren't following their mouths. I was staring at the bookshelf, and something ran across, some strange visual, gets worse. A shape forms, it's a 1 foot little elf, and he's dancing a jig... No matter how long I turn away, he's still there. Mini blinds act as if the window is open, as if I were tripping off of LSD... Little man gets closer and dances right in front of the gl*** table, colors form, reds and greens. Tv turns to static, and I decide to leave. My body is dragging, my mind is spacing, and that little man was making me paranoid that I was going crazy, it was like he was actually there!
9 pm, driving out to my dad's house... could not distinguish between red and green lights, headlights blinding to a painful point. In my head, mumbling "you're going crazy, you're not going to make it home, you're going crazy, you're going crazy!!" I'm completely paranoid. To this point I have still not slept since my mom went to the hospital the morning before tonight. Driving, lose complete bearings, think I'm lost on the road I've driven hundreds of times. CAnnot vary between lanes. Half way home, thinking I'm almost saved, I start swerving, crazedly swerving. I look up, it's cloudy. Something moves, there are little animals all over the road, deer on the side, things running, bugs colliding with my windshield. None of it real. I look up at the sky, and its swirling, grey and blue and black, swirling like a tornado is approaching. At this point I really think I'm going crazy for real. I start swerving again. My lane is not my lane, it's the other person's and I'm face to face with another car. I veer, safe.
10:00 pm, reach my dad's house, he's at work. I call a friend, she can't come over, school tomorrow. 6 pack in the fridge, and I don't even touch it, and it's my favorite kind of beer. I hear voices in the shadows of my empty house. The curtains are not still... There are people that I can't see walking. I look at the christmas party lights on the ceiling that i've had up forever, and they're blinking, but I know I didn't turn them on. I stare at the curtains in the picture window, and my whole body shuts down, my mind goes blank, and over and over again in my head some one else's voice is chanting "you're going crazy, you're going crazy, you're going crazy, you are not alone..." I started shaking, turning the tv on after my 15 minute daze... In my peripheral vision, visuals are everywhere, but I try to block them out until 7 am when my dad came home, and I could finally sleep.
So what do you think? Was it the cocaine, the *one* drink I had? Or the mix of all this with no sleep and a lot of stress. Because out of all the drugs I have done, never in my life have I experienced something as vivid and surreal without hallucinogens.
------------------
*with the wind i rode on a wave, with the absence of.. i fell, with the light i awakened, and with the night stars i was alive and breathing*
