Co-Habitating and Sandwiches

[muvolution]

I know there are a lot of issues that come up when you live with someone, but I just want to deal with one.

So today was one of my girlfriends days off. I go to work at 6am and get home 7 at night. We about split financial obligations, although for the first few months, she was paying most of the rent. So, things I asked her to do today: clean the house, run the dishes, and go to the store/ get something for dinner.

She did none of those. I have communicated to her several times that this displeases me, but she continues to not do shit. I cook probably 6 nights out of the week because I don't like eating shitty food, but that's a seperate issue.

How should I deal with this? Boycott cooking? Slap that bitch and tell her to make me a sandwich (even she can do that)? Totally trash my apartment and spraypaint pentagrams on the walls like the last place I had? Shoot a bunch of hard drugs? Play my guitar in the middle of the night when I'm not sleeping (insomnia)? Withhold sex?

Do you all think that people can change their behavior, or should I plan on not living with her again? If you are married and this was at one time an issue, is it still an issue?

This is really stressing me out, and I have noticed it is often a trigger for me using opiates and benzo which is not healthy. Well, more abusing them so I don't have to deal, but same idea.

 

[NeighborhoodThreat]

The first question I have is this:

Is this the first time something like this has happened? If so, give her the benefit of the doubt. It sounds like you've had a long day and she didn't do anything at all - which isn't fair to you. But maybe she had a bad day too. Or maybe she needed a day off. Although its surprising she did none of the things you requested... If she's doing stuff like this all the time then she's not being fair to you at all and that certainly is an issue.

 

[muvolution]

This has happened a few times at this scale. But i always have to cook. The apartment only gets cleaned when I do it.

I worry that by just doing shit myself, I am reinforcing this behavior.

 

[jazz hands]

...

 

[llama112]

I'd sit down with her and tell her that you need to split up who does what chores. Ask her which chores she prefers ... cleaning (you can even break it down), running errands, cooking, etc.
The first time I lived away from home, I was living with two other girls, neither of them cleaned at all, they were sooo dirty! So from then on, I took initiate with other flatmates, and we made lists, who would do what. It worked pretty well, for the most part.
Never lived with a partner before, so not sure how different it would be. I mean, obviously some things would be different, but really there are just more things to split. With flatmates, it is really only the cleaning that needs to be split up.
My boyfriend and I are planning to move in together in a few months. He is much better at cleaning, I'm much better at cooking. That's probably how we'll split things up, I cook most of the time, he cleans most of the time.