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Scared Chemo and cotton fever

Balissa

Balissa

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 10, 2020
Messages
180
Location
Kentucky
So I’m dying. Yep it’s true, pancreatic cancer at 37 that’s some bullshit right there average age of diagnosis is 70 lmao. More men than women and I’m all woman baby. Usually people who eat a lot of red meat and consume a lot of alcohol and have diabetes are more prone to it. Then there is me- vegetarian forever I guess but I still love me some good processed to death not-bacon mmmmm and alcohol is cool but I never get past more than a cpl shots of Wild Turkey my fav and in KY a cpl is at least 5 mind you. But that’s once or twice a year if that and I’m not diabetic he’ll I’ve never been sick. But I’m stage 3 for sure and my oncologist and radiologist are arguing Stage 4 one thinks I am the other thinks I’m holding at 3. Imma go with that sexy little Irish oncologist on this 3 sounds better to me. Life expectancy either way sucks 3.5 months is how long most people make it but like I said most of them are or close to 70 with various health issues. I’ve known since Nov last year so I’ve beat those odds already. My dr said I was the youngest person she has ever seen with pancreatic cancer and she checked records of the hospital because she’s anal af (a quality I like in a woman) 😉 and I’m the youngest the hospital has ever seen. Anyways I’m a long time banger I love shooting up I just love it and I’ve been totally honest with her about this. She took me off my suboxone and gave me oxy and klonopin and Wellbutrin and would give me anything I ask for. Here’s the thing I’m not dying a junkie (no offense to anyone) with a half g to g a day Fent habit and I’ve used the meds she’s given me too make it 4 days without any Fent and for me that’s huge. This woman is helping me get my dignity back even if it is just to die with a few weeks to months clean. I see her Monday to decide what if any treatments were going to try but in the meantime once I get a few more days without Fent in my system im gonna go zip lining hopefully this weekend with my boys and riding horses with my daughter. Trying to pack as much good memories in with my teens as I can. Any suggestions? Tips? Advice? Or just say hi I welcome you all. Much love Brandi
 
Wow that’s such an overwhelming set of circumstances, you sound extremely well adjusted considering everything! Good luck with getting off opioids, if it was me I would just remain dependent on the scripted opioids orally and just quit the IV/fent but you sound like you got a handle on who you are and what you want for the remainder of your time with your family

much love ❤️
t.a.g
 
I know it’s not net kind it’s the most common kind pancreatic adenocarcinoma which is one of the most aggressive and lethal forms of cancer
 
TheAcetylationGame said:
Wow that’s such an overwhelming set of circumstances, you sound extremely well adjusted considering everything! Good luck with getting off opioids, if it was me I would just remain dependent on the scripted opioids orally and just quit the IV/fent but you sound like you got a handle on who you are and what you want for the remainder of your time with your family

much love ❤️
t.a.g
Click to expand...
Yeah it didn’t hit me till the other day I thought a bird was in the road and it would fly away before I got close but it was a baby duck and I lost it I cried for hours over that duck.. but that’s my plan almost 4 days clean off Fent and I still feel like hell but I’m willing to take my meds as directed and let them guide me through this so I have more time with the fam
 
I replied to this but the post didn't save.

In any case I offered various condolences and applauded your strength.

My question was, can you elaborate on your question here a bit? Were you recently an IV fent user? Where does cotton fever come in? Are you in pain? Happy to answer pain management/narcotic replacements questions you may have (to the best of my ability).

Though they don't really happen when it comes to pancreatic cancer, 'miracles' of sorts due occur, or perhaps a better word is anomolies.
 
Balissa said:
So I’m dying. Yep it’s true, pancreatic cancer at 37 that’s some bullshit right there average age of diagnosis is 70 lmao. More men than women and I’m all woman baby. Usually people who eat a lot of red meat and consume a lot of alcohol and have diabetes are more prone to it. Then there is me- vegetarian forever I guess but I still love me some good processed to death not-bacon mmmmm and alcohol is cool but I never get past more than a cpl shots of Wild Turkey my fav and in KY a cpl is at least 5 mind you. But that’s once or twice a year if that and I’m not diabetic he’ll I’ve never been sick. But I’m stage 3 for sure and my oncologist and radiologist are arguing Stage 4 one thinks I am the other thinks I’m holding at 3. Imma go with that sexy little Irish oncologist on this 3 sounds better to me. Life expectancy either way sucks 3.5 months is how long most people make it but like I said most of them are or close to 70 with various health issues. I’ve known since Nov last year so I’ve beat those odds already. My dr said I was the youngest person she has ever seen with pancreatic cancer and she checked records of the hospital because she’s anal af (a quality I like in a woman) 😉 and I’m the youngest the hospital has ever seen. Anyways I’m a long time banger I love shooting up I just love it and I’ve been totally honest with her about this. She took me off my suboxone and gave me oxy and klonopin and Wellbutrin and would give me anything I ask for. Here’s the thing I’m not dying a junkie (no offense to anyone) with a half g to g a day Fent habit and I’ve used the meds she’s given me too make it 4 days without any Fent and for me that’s huge. This woman is helping me get my dignity back even if it is just to die with a few weeks to months clean. I see her Monday to decide what if any treatments were going to try but in the meantime once I get a few more days without Fent in my system im gonna go zip lining hopefully this weekend with my boys and riding horses with my daughter. Trying to pack as much good memories in with my teens as I can. Any suggestions? Tips? Advice? Or just say hi I welcome you all. Much love Brandi
Click to expand...
damn @Balissa I don't really know what to say other then you seem to be in somewhat of a higher spirit then someone like me would be in given your situation. Have you considered like branching out to other hospitals & doctors? U of L , Norton's and Jewish hospital here all seem to be rated as some of the best hospitals in the state, and the times I went they have always been really active in their role as a Doctor. If you do decide about trying that, then I might be able to pull some strings and get you a place to stay temporarily. (would be like an all-women's place). <3
As for the cotton fever issue, the only times I had caught the fucking shit is whenever I would re-use old cottons, and you would think haha fool me once shame on me, and after the first time you think I wouldn't do it, or try something else to get the previous juices but nope. I even would plain as day tell myself welp I'm about to get fucking sick as a dog and would do it regardless. At the time I had no idea what a Micron Filter was, or even how would I use one of those on an insulin syringe? Well I went on and planned for the last hoorah by investing in luer-lock syringes along with the 28g disposable syringe tips and last but not least the Micron Filters. I had even bought 3 different wheel filters to use, and can tell you by experience that I prepared the old filters like anyone else would but the final step was to run the venom/residues through the micron filter, and who woulda guessed it? I did not get cotton fever. Yeah there are more steps involved but it saved my ass from a weekish of feeling like utterly shit. I was able to get a majority of what I needed off of amazon, but the sterile bacteriostatic water I ended up making it myself (used it in-place of any water I was running through the cottons. Don't know what it was if it was the filter, or water or maybe the prayer before hand, but maybe try that for next time.

If you are currently dealing with CF then try to stay hydrated, I recall drinking tons of Powerade, Gatorade and Pedialyte, and literally dealt with it the same way you would treat the flu. meds to lower temperature if I was running one, had some chewable anti-nausea tablets I'd take before i tried eating, or before I had to move around. I lived off of chicken noodle/chicken star soup and saltine crackers, lots of ice-chips/water. cool damp washcloths draped over my face, and my belly helped, and somehow I would start feeling better by the following weekend.

We kinda live close to one another, so let me know if there is anything I can do to help. <3
 
TheAcetylationGame said:
Wow that’s such an overwhelming set of circumstances, you sound extremely well adjusted considering everything! Good luck with getting off opioids, if it was me I would just remain dependent on the scripted opioids orally and just quit the IV/fent but you sound like you got a handle on who you are and what you want for the remainder of your time with your family

much love ❤️
t.a.g
Click to expand...
Yes I have a great dr she knows I IV Fent and she said she will do all she can to help me but when she started crying and saying she was sorry and have me a hug it scared me. But yeah it’s been 5 days and I’ve done percs like crazy but wd is still crazy. And yeah I might be the youngest woman in the world with this. I’m a happy person all the time im thankful for every morning I wake up and every night when I look at the moon. Life’s too short too waste being unhappy.
 
negrogesic said:
I replied to this but the post didn't save.

In any case I offered various condolences and applauded your strength.

My question was, can you elaborate on your question here a bit? Were you recently an IV fent user? Where does cotton fever come in? Are you in pain? Happy to answer pain management/narcotic replacements questions you may have (to the best of my ability).

Though they don't really happen when it comes to pancreatic cancer, 'miracles' of sorts due occur, or perhaps a better word is anomolies.
Click to expand...
I always say I’m a statical anomaly lol you know that saying too weird to live too rare too die.. hunter s Thompson I believe my mind is shot lol.. but yeah I’ve iv Fent for the last 6 months a half to a gram a day.. and.. I had never got cotton fever till the other day doing a rinse.. never again.. and I’m the happiest woman in the world I wake up happy I got to bed happy I’m always happy even before I got sick and the thing is I have felt better the past 3 years than I’ve ever felt and still do.. I have some pain where the tumor pushes on my spine but it’s not back so far. I go to my oncologist today too see if we’re doing chemo then surgery or surgery then chemo..Well
Look at it this was they average life span of someone with pancreatic cancer is 3.5 months and I’ve kicked the last 8 months’ ass haha every day is beautiful and a blessing and I’m gonna soak it all it
 
D's said:
damn @Balissa I don't really know what to say other then you seem to be in somewhat of a higher spirit then someone like me would be in given your situation. Have you considered like branching out to other hospitals & doctors? U of L , Norton's and Jewish hospital here all seem to be rated as some of the best hospitals in the state, and the times I went they have always been really active in their role as a Doctor. If you do decide about trying that, then I might be able to pull some strings and get you a place to stay temporarily. (would be like an all-women's place). <3
As for the cotton fever issue, the only times I had caught the fucking shit is whenever I would re-use old cottons, and you would think haha fool me once shame on me, and after the first time you think I wouldn't do it, or try something else to get the previous juices but nope. I even would plain as day tell myself welp I'm about to get fucking sick as a dog and would do it regardless. At the time I had no idea what a Micron Filter was, or even how would I use one of those on an insulin syringe? Well I went on and planned for the last hoorah by investing in luer-lock syringes along with the 28g disposable syringe tips and last but not least the Micron Filters. I had even bought 3 different wheel filters to use, and can tell you by experience that I prepared the old filters like anyone else would but the final step was to run the venom/residues through the micron filter, and who woulda guessed it? I did not get cotton fever. Yeah there are more steps involved but it saved my ass from a weekish of feeling like utterly shit. I was able to get a majority of what I needed off of amazon, but the sterile bacteriostatic water I ended up making it myself (used it in-place of any water I was running through the cottons. Don't know what it was if it was the filter, or water or maybe the prayer before hand, but maybe try that for next time.

If you are currently dealing with CF then try to stay hydrated, I recall drinking tons of Powerade, Gatorade and Pedialyte, and literally dealt with it the same way you would treat the flu. meds to lower temperature if I was running one, had some chewable anti-nausea tablets I'd take before i tried eating, or before I had to move around. I lived off of chicken noodle/chicken star soup and saltine crackers, lots of ice-chips/water. cool damp washcloths draped over my face, and my belly helped, and somehow I would start feeling better by the following weekend.

We kinda live close to one another, so let me know if there is anything I can do to help. <3
Click to expand...
Thank you for the condolences and I am in good spirits im not a bit scared to die. I wasn’t doing to do surgery or chemo because I didn’t want my kids to see me go through it; but a nurse gave me another way to look at it she said would they rather see you give up or watch you fight. I said I’ll fight.

As for the cotton shot that was trying to do a rinse and believe me I knew better..

I’m trying to gain weight before chemo because I know how much weight person use but my dad keep me in pot lol

And yes absolutely I would love to get a second opinion because I think I feel too good too have cancer it’s the weirdest thing and I’m so low risk I think the American Pancreatic Cancer peeps are wanting to fly Me to Mayo Clinic in Mass. to study me I said bring it on. I’ll try anything to better and if I don’t at least I know I’ll go out fighting like I always wanted to do and now
My biggest worry is getting my knuckes tattoos so my hands look pretty in my casket and I’ve done demanded a old goth looking headstone .
 
Wow, I’m so sorry you’re faced with such a diagnosis but you’ve definitely the right attitude.

I would definitely take the lead from your Dr. Use you’re scripted meds and just power through that fent withdrawal. I know all about it, I have to take fentanyl when I have more serious medical issues and then come off it back on to my normal pain meds and it can be hell. Try not to over use the scripted meds to get yourself out of the withdrawal, it just lengthens it which I’m sure you’ve figured.

You have a goal in mind and that’s to spend quality time with your kids. You can’t do that zoned out on fent. Hold onto that goal and it will get you through. That quality time is so special. Even without your diagnosis, life goes by so quickly and kids grow so fast and get their own lives. A lot of people miss that time. You’ll get to have it and they will get to have it and they will cherish it.

Definitely use whatever services you can that your dr provides in regards to therapy. You will need it and it will help.

You are young to get pancreatic cancer but it’s not that uncommon really. Ive seen it in 20 year olds, 30 year olds and of course there is childhood pancreatic cancer. Patrick Swayze was 55 when he got it which isn’t old either.

I don’t believe anyone should be given life expectancy times. Just go live it because by living it you’re going to get more out of it. I hate the phrase but a “positive attitude” will help. Roll with the punches.

I really do wish you all the best, the fent will be hard to kick but I believe in you. We are all here for you if you need us. PMs are always open.
 
Aww thank you MsDiz I really appreciate the kind words and believe me my kids have a full schedule starting this weekend. Ziplining, paddle boating, a scenic train ride, trip to carter caves they have underground kayaking, and my most scary favorite is I’m gonna let my son drive me everywhere he just got his permit. Soon as I get my social security check I’m going to buy him a trans am it mine and his dream car I would love to be able to do that for him. And yes iv Fent is a beast to come off of but I have enough meds to make me comfortable. It’s weird tho I don’t have a lot of pain I mean I’m uncomfortable but nothing too bad yet. And I have always lived my life like this, I cherish and love and laugh and do good for people every day. I have epilepsy and I swear I think the seizures have make me unable to worry. I know that have messed up my memory and it uncanny how happy I am my ex called me his sunshine. And I’m going to be happy till the end. And it’s day 5 for me and I woke up happy and in a good mood I think im finally getting back to normal looks like after my oncology appointment im going to lay out in the pool.. and thank you for being there for me I might reach out sometimes.. hope you’re well and have many blessings
💚Brandi
 
My doctor decided she wants me to try this thing called a whipple surgery they’re taking out my pancreas, part of my stomach, my large intestines, and some lymph nodes. It’s a major surgery so they’re sending me to UK hospital in Lexington Ky I wasn’t afraid because my boyfriend who is my best friend in this whole world was going to stay with me the whole 2 weeks I’m going to be in there. He was my rock. He got mad at me this morning over dope and beat the fuck out of me. I had to go to the hospital to make sure he didn’t hurt anything in my stomach or my head because I’ve had 7 concussions and have seizures due to brain damage. He spent all night cuddling me and holding me telling me he would be right there till the end and he loved me more than he’s ever loved anyone, he told me he wanted to marry me when the chemo was over and I got better. I believed him. He’s a marine and trains for boxing he’s 6’4 and muscular. I’m a girl dying of cancer. I got some bumps and bruises but he messed up when he threw me on the bed because I had on my shitkicker boots and I busted him right in the ribs. It all started because he’s let himself get so strung out he steals shit that I would have shared half and half like I always do but he thought he deserved it all. I’m not going to lie I’m heartbroken this was a man who would have jumped on a live granade to save me, the most protective loving man I’ve ever met. He said I was his other half, his soul mate. I know in my heart he loved me but I also realize he loves dope a lot more. I lost my best friend, partner in crime, my other half and my lover this morning. I’m still going. I’m not giving up, I’m getting my knuckles tattooed tomorrow. I’m going on a trip to Columbus with 2 really new but good friends on Thursday and going to New River Gorge with my kids this weekend. I will not let the loss of him hinder me in any way. I’ll make it threw this and maybe just maybe I’ll find my true love one day, but it not I’ve got friends and family I truly love too.
 
Far out @Balissa that is hectic hun. Are you okay??? So you've left him?? Sending you loads of love and strength, let us know how you're doing okay? <3
 
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