I come to this forum to bring to the bluelight community the story of recent events that have taken place in the life of a friend. Perhaps as a cautionary tale, perhaps as a way of finding personal closure.. I don't exactly know why I'm bringing this to bluelight but I do hope you find it interesting.
Note: All the names in this story will have been changed for privacy. All of the events are true and accurate to the best of my ability to tell them. There are parts in the story that I will never be sure about due to reasons that will become obvious.
Cosmo was always one of those friends that was really chill and fun to hang out with but that I never spent a lot of time with. Different cliques I guess you could say, but when we did hang out we got along great. We'd hang out and blaze or drop acid/eat mushrooms just like I would with all of my other friends. This is the story of how something snapped inside of Cosmo's head and how the same drugs that have brought me so much good brought Cosmo a world of bad.
It was a thursday (little more than a week ago), so I had class that day with Cosmo. He came in and sat down next to me in philosophy and immediately pulled out his notebook and started doodling on his paper. Doodling became frenzied writing, but I wrote this off as sloppy notetaking. Cosmo seemed a little off whenever he would talk, but he had always been a little bit different and these vibes weren't neccessarily out of the ordinary quite yet. It wasn't until class was over that I truly started to think something was up; Cosmo showed me a piece of paper with frantically drawn fractal-esque patterns all over it coalescing in the center of the page to spell "CAUGHT IN THE LOOP." Cosmo insisted that I look at it, then started chuckling while locking eyes with me in the eye with a very weird look in his eyes. I remember clearly what I said next, "Cosmo, do you realize that you are making no sense right now?" to which he replied, "Bollocks." He then walked out of class in a rush and I was not to see him face to face for days.
From that time on Cosmo would text me roughly twice an hour with completely nonsensical phrases for the following 5 days. At the end of the story I'll post some of the highlights from these text conversations, but it is important to the story only that they were unsolicited and completely batty. I tried to investigate directly by asking him questions, but they would either go unresponded to or answered as if I had asked him a completely different question. This went on from thursday-saturday without any other developments.
Early sunday morning, however (4am- Don't ask me why the hell I was up), I started receiving facebook IM's from a friend of Cosmo's that I don't really know very well starts sending me facebook messages. Strange facebook messages. Eventually I figure out that it is Cosmo sending these messages to me because of hints that were dropped in the conversation. He was pretending to be his friend Jordan by logging onto his facebook account, and using that to talk to me. Why he did this, I didn't know at the time. He kept on referencing "the loop," and other recurring themes but the thing that struck me the oddest was his motivation for talking to me. He claimed that he was Jordan, and that Cosmo was sitting outside by himself crying and nobody could help him. He said that Cosmo was so sad because he had jacked MY lighter a whole month ago and that Cosmo could not go to sleep until I had it back. He went on to say that Cosmo brought the lighter with him everywhere he went, refilling it whenever it ran out, and every time he saw me he would attempt to work up the courage to give it back to me but couldn't. All in all, very very strange conversation. This is when I knew something was seriously up.
The next day, Cosmo's texts continue, so I call up his best friend whom I happen to know well also. So I call up Ken and ask him what's been wrong with Cosmo lately. He immediately starts talking fast and telling me how nuts this kid has gone. I find out from him that he dropped a tab of acid on that thursday and then went to class. In that trip, something in him snapped and he lost it. Went off his rocker and kept dropping tabs for 5 days. On that Monday, Ken went to Cosmo's house and took his acid from him forcibly. He then (Cosmo lives with his dad still) forced him to confont his dad so that somebody could be responsible for him. I hadn't known at the time but apparently Cosmo was basically roaming the streets for a good chunk of time there, refusing to go home and bouncing from place to place in a crazed stupor.
It is now Tuesday, a week and a day after that Monday where Cosmo confronted his dad. He is more "in reality" than he was at that point, thankfully. See, during those couple days where he was super nutty he would have waves of clarity where he seemed perfectly fine. Now, it seems more like he was perfectly fine but has waves of insanity. He's still very scatterbrained. In class, we have to write a dialogue between different philosophers and he literally cannot formulate a sensible conversation between these philosophers, let alone grasp and articulate their ideas. He writes sentences that have no meaning and doesn't realize that they dont make sense until he reads them back out loud, upon which he becomes very embarrassed and realizes how little sense he makes.
After writing this, I guess my intention was to bring to you all a personal anecdote to prove what we hear about the risks of bringing to surface dormant mental illnesses that are bound to surface later in life... I do not believe that the LSD created the problem with Cosmo, but rather that it brought the problem out from deep inside of him where it could have lain for decades. It does happen, bluelight. I've witnessed it myself.
Be safe, bluelight, because this could happen to any of us.
Highlights from text conversations:
Note: All the names in this story will have been changed for privacy. All of the events are true and accurate to the best of my ability to tell them. There are parts in the story that I will never be sure about due to reasons that will become obvious.
Cosmo was always one of those friends that was really chill and fun to hang out with but that I never spent a lot of time with. Different cliques I guess you could say, but when we did hang out we got along great. We'd hang out and blaze or drop acid/eat mushrooms just like I would with all of my other friends. This is the story of how something snapped inside of Cosmo's head and how the same drugs that have brought me so much good brought Cosmo a world of bad.
It was a thursday (little more than a week ago), so I had class that day with Cosmo. He came in and sat down next to me in philosophy and immediately pulled out his notebook and started doodling on his paper. Doodling became frenzied writing, but I wrote this off as sloppy notetaking. Cosmo seemed a little off whenever he would talk, but he had always been a little bit different and these vibes weren't neccessarily out of the ordinary quite yet. It wasn't until class was over that I truly started to think something was up; Cosmo showed me a piece of paper with frantically drawn fractal-esque patterns all over it coalescing in the center of the page to spell "CAUGHT IN THE LOOP." Cosmo insisted that I look at it, then started chuckling while locking eyes with me in the eye with a very weird look in his eyes. I remember clearly what I said next, "Cosmo, do you realize that you are making no sense right now?" to which he replied, "Bollocks." He then walked out of class in a rush and I was not to see him face to face for days.
From that time on Cosmo would text me roughly twice an hour with completely nonsensical phrases for the following 5 days. At the end of the story I'll post some of the highlights from these text conversations, but it is important to the story only that they were unsolicited and completely batty. I tried to investigate directly by asking him questions, but they would either go unresponded to or answered as if I had asked him a completely different question. This went on from thursday-saturday without any other developments.
Early sunday morning, however (4am- Don't ask me why the hell I was up), I started receiving facebook IM's from a friend of Cosmo's that I don't really know very well starts sending me facebook messages. Strange facebook messages. Eventually I figure out that it is Cosmo sending these messages to me because of hints that were dropped in the conversation. He was pretending to be his friend Jordan by logging onto his facebook account, and using that to talk to me. Why he did this, I didn't know at the time. He kept on referencing "the loop," and other recurring themes but the thing that struck me the oddest was his motivation for talking to me. He claimed that he was Jordan, and that Cosmo was sitting outside by himself crying and nobody could help him. He said that Cosmo was so sad because he had jacked MY lighter a whole month ago and that Cosmo could not go to sleep until I had it back. He went on to say that Cosmo brought the lighter with him everywhere he went, refilling it whenever it ran out, and every time he saw me he would attempt to work up the courage to give it back to me but couldn't. All in all, very very strange conversation. This is when I knew something was seriously up.
The next day, Cosmo's texts continue, so I call up his best friend whom I happen to know well also. So I call up Ken and ask him what's been wrong with Cosmo lately. He immediately starts talking fast and telling me how nuts this kid has gone. I find out from him that he dropped a tab of acid on that thursday and then went to class. In that trip, something in him snapped and he lost it. Went off his rocker and kept dropping tabs for 5 days. On that Monday, Ken went to Cosmo's house and took his acid from him forcibly. He then (Cosmo lives with his dad still) forced him to confont his dad so that somebody could be responsible for him. I hadn't known at the time but apparently Cosmo was basically roaming the streets for a good chunk of time there, refusing to go home and bouncing from place to place in a crazed stupor.
It is now Tuesday, a week and a day after that Monday where Cosmo confronted his dad. He is more "in reality" than he was at that point, thankfully. See, during those couple days where he was super nutty he would have waves of clarity where he seemed perfectly fine. Now, it seems more like he was perfectly fine but has waves of insanity. He's still very scatterbrained. In class, we have to write a dialogue between different philosophers and he literally cannot formulate a sensible conversation between these philosophers, let alone grasp and articulate their ideas. He writes sentences that have no meaning and doesn't realize that they dont make sense until he reads them back out loud, upon which he becomes very embarrassed and realizes how little sense he makes.
After writing this, I guess my intention was to bring to you all a personal anecdote to prove what we hear about the risks of bringing to surface dormant mental illnesses that are bound to surface later in life... I do not believe that the LSD created the problem with Cosmo, but rather that it brought the problem out from deep inside of him where it could have lain for decades. It does happen, bluelight. I've witnessed it myself.
Be safe, bluelight, because this could happen to any of us.
Highlights from text conversations:
- "Please tell me I'm not a group project"
- "Should I get off the truck?"
- "Comp is fucking up... Am I still good?" then 30 seconds later "NO! Dont answer that. I know i am"
- "Ever just feel like wind?"
- "33 is your call. Follow the tube."
- "Hey, can we go over the game film today?" (neither of us are playing a sport)
- "Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! its that time of night. We're having a pool party at the J SPA! Grab some bud and bring a beanie? bro." That "bro." at the end cracked me up to be honest
