Need Help Cancer

[ThatAmazinChick]

So the closet human being to me, like legitimately my bestest closest friend, the only person to fully completely know me and damn near every detail of my life even the dark really fucked up shit I dont talk boit to anyone,; my dad passed away in February this year... And i have never ever not had my dad... Like i called him damn near every day, used to.go to his house every day till he moved an hour away and even then I would see him most of the week. Not even a major stupid fight between us would change that. Like if i had any car issues or fucking boyfriend issues or needed a break from society I would just go to him, and any issies with drug use cause he had more than plenty of experiences with most drugs and ODing type shit.... My mother is not much of a mom, she never cares to have. A relationship with me unless she needs something aka drugs or money pr.tryimg to get dirt on my dad(like i was a complete blind idiot and fell for her shit) anyways she's told many many times how much she regrets me and wished I was one of her miscarriages instead... So no real relationship, and yes i still try to have one with her but never works out.

But dad got diagnosed with esphagual cancer in July and only made it to February to only have the cancer basically painful and horrifically starved him to death... And I was with him every day since Thanksgiving.... Was right beside him when he passed away in the living room.... Ever since then I have been having constant dreams and njghtmares bout him. And most of them are nightmares where he is dying all over again and again and I'm trying to help him and save him but i cant... And i was wondering if anyone else has experienced anything like this?? Or has any kind of advice or thoughts that may help me...?

 

[Jabberwocky]

i haven't but you have made me feel so lucky. my dad was diagnosed with cancer while i was heavily addicted to crack and i actually wanted him to die so i could get an inheritance. well, he didn't and now i'm in recovery i am so releived, and would be heartbroken if he relapsed.

it may be worth trying to contact a grief councillor to help you work through some of your feelings in a safe environment.

your mum sounds absolutely awful too.

i would try and be kind and gentle to yourself, your brain has a lot to process, it will be painful, but once its worked through everything it will get better. there will always be some sadness there but it will stop affecting your life on a daily basis. you are early into this process, it will take a long time. it is nice that you have the knowledge that you were with him in your last moments, and it sounds like you did everything you could to support him at the end of my life, which means hopefully guilt won't be polluting your grief.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

I'm so, so sorry to hear this, your love and pain is clear to see...

However, I'm afraid there is no 'cure' for grief. Nothing at all can really 'help' apart from accepting that grief is a process that the bereaved have to go through.

There is no cure. There are no shortcuts. I know that's not what you want to hear but it certainly is the truth.

The very best thing you can do is to accept that and by no means attempt to drug your way out of it etc as it will just make the situation worse. A little relaxation through drugs at the start of bereavement can be very helpful but when we use for ages to avoid the terrible feelings is where serious issues can occur. The pain will still be there underneath and will still need facing at some point.

I don't think we ever 'get over' losing someone you truly love, nor do we really want to in many ways. What we do do though, is we merely learn to incorporate our loss into our 'new normal'. We learn to live around the loss so to speak.