Can anyone relate?

[ti.ara]

You'll have to excuse my scrambled thoughts, I've been awake all night on dexedrine (ew I know).

I just said goodbye to my 18 year old niece who stayed with me for the past month (I'm 22). Were more like sisters than auntie/niece because were so close in age. Anyways, I'm feeling pretty depressed about her leaving. I think I've started to get depressed recently. I moved to a new town due to a crisis situation at the end of January. At first I was living in my favourite town in the world but I had a difficult time finding affordable rentals and etc so I moved to a town an hour away. Now I feel stuck. I don't know basically anyone in this little town and the few people I do know are not people I would want to hang around with (theyre into things that Im def not). I've met so many FUCKED people in this town. I hate it here. I've never spent so much time alone and by myself. I have no one to do anything with really and its summer now, so that gets pretty depressing. I've literally broken down in tears a couple times because of being so insanely bored. I'm really struggling with it and I feel like its getting worse. Especially now, after having someone around the past month, I feel like its going to be even more hard to handle being alone now.

I'm 4 hours away from where I grew up and where my family is. Not only is there complicated situations that make it somewhere I can't, atleast for now, go back to but its also incredibly expensive and difficult to find housing/jobs. I also have pets, making it even more difficult. So moving home isn't an option. I REALLY want to live in the town I originally moved to, I have wanted to eventually live there for years. Problem is, it's pretty expensive too and difficult to find suitable, affordable rentals. I feel stuck here in this boring, sweltering, strange little town. I'm so unhappy here. I'm actually getting worried about whether or not I'll have to ability to cope with it if I don't somehow get out of here soon. It's tiny and very difficult to find a job in. I've been trying to find a job since I got here and it's just dead. I NEED a job to be able to move out of here. Right now I'm on employment insurance and it's not even enough to live off of in reality. I need a job so i can save up enough money for a damage deposit, etc. It's just not happenin though. Ugh. I can't even afford to buy a greyhound ticket to visit my family (and they are also struggling right now and can't afford to pay for a ticket for me either).

I'm trying so hard to be optimistic and positive. I know that life is what you make it but you can only pretend things are okay for so long in this shit hole. I feel so frustrated and depressed being stuck here. I miss my family and friends so much. I'm by myself all the time and bored ALL the time. I hang out with my cats all day. I can't find a job and so I don't even have any responsibilities to keep me distracted. Theres also nothing here but some sleezy bars (that are full of really weird ppl, and I'm not just saying that, there are some right fucked ppl here lol) and churches (and I am NOT religious).

I sit around all day trying to think of how to keep myself busy. Thank god I recently got internet. I have a prescription for dexedrine, not something I truly need, I wanted it purely for recreational reasons. I rarely used it before, just every once in a while but since moving here I have found myself doing it a lot more often, purely out of boredom. I'm sure that can't be helping things.

I'm feeling afraid that there might be no end to this in near sight. I'm scared I might be stuck here for a while. I've never had any major issues with depression but the last few months have been getting harder and harder. After having my niece here for the last month, its depressing how quiet it is now that shes gone.

Does anyone have any ideas? What are some things I can do by myself that might help me stay more healthy minded? I am trying not to feel sorry for myself and to be positive but it's getting more and more difficult.

Sorry this is so ridiculously long, thank you if you actually read it all. lol.
Cheers.

 

[Changed]

1. stop taking dex
2. move back to your old town (if you really want to leave, you'll find a way to get money)
3. get a job or find something to keep you busy (less thinking about your situation = less depression = more happiness)
4. enjoy life

 

[cletus]

SO -> TDS

I think this is more to suited over this side of BL Town.

 

[I NUK3D U]

You need to find an alternate escape. Something that you don't resent, and that can reward phsycially and mentally. Something like excerise; a sport; or even some volunteer work. Once you've found a focus other than yourself and the dex, you'll be amazed how quickly things fall into place.

Sorry that I can't give a specific remedy; not sure who can, but don't underestimate the power of taking control in one small part of your life. You'll become hungry for more, confident, and empowered with the rest of it quite quickly

 

[das_feuer]

Does anyone have any ideas? What are some things I can do by myself that might help me stay more healthy minded? I am trying not to feel sorry for myself and to be positive but it's getting more and more difficult.

Sorry this is so ridiculously long, thank you if you actually read it all. lol.
Cheers.

I know that this may sound silly, because you have probably had people recommend this before, but I would advise you to start keeping a private journal of your thoughts. Just let your heart pour out onto the pages of your journal. Draw in it if you like. I find that, for me, writing out my thoughts and feelings seems to make me feel much, much better once I am done. After I have written in my journal, I can go back and read it over again and get a better perspective on where I am at that moment. Sometimes, after I read through some of my most recent entries, I realize that my problems are not always that big of a deal, or I come up with ideas that can help me to move forward and feel better.

Do you have any interests or hobbies? If you don't right now, did you have any interests or hobbies that you used to love? Sometimes rekindling old hobbies can be a very healthy thing. Sometimes we forget many of the things we used to love doing for many years and never even bother to revisit them. If you enjoyed doing something before, maybe you could enjoy it again, no?

Also, do you have a public library that you can go to? Do they have a website? I know that my library always has all sorts of events going on or classes that you can sign up for. Most of the classes don't cost much. You could get out, meet new people that share the same interests as you, and learn new things. Do you like to read? Libraries are good for that

Do you have any parks near you? Going for walks in parks is always nice. I like to bring a good book, or my journal, or my MP3 player, pack a lunch, and go out and sit under the shade of a big oak tree to get some alone time.

Last, but certainly not least, you could always exercise. Just taking a walk early in the morning or at night (when it's cool since it's summer now) on a regular basis is very relaxing; it puts me into a nice, calm zen state where I forget all of my troubles while I take the scenery in.

 

[ti.ara]

Thanks so much for your responses! I finally slept for a few hours and definitely felt a lot better and have a fresher perspective now lol. Things seem a lot worse when you haven't slept all night. I know things will somehow work out, I just need to be patient and determined.

I actually just went out and bought a journal the other day and so I'm going to start doing a lot of journaling for sure. It does feel better to get my thoughts out on paper (or on a forum in this case lol). Volunteering is also a really good idea, it would get me out of the house and be something to put on my resume.

I'm going to try my hardest to keep a positive perspective and try to spend a lot of time outside thinking, writing, etc.

And as for the dex, ugh, yes I really need to forget that shit. I always regret it after about 4 hours and feel like absolute shit after. I'm not using it to avoid my problems or anything, just out of boredom but I know that's not a good habit to keep up.

Thanks again for your time and responses!

 

[TheBollocks]

If your near a city find the hari-crishnas(Spelled so wrong i know) and help them they do a really good job at helping the people who need it.

 

[Mr_Fluffykins]

yeah as someone said before, work is really good for you, find something that can occupy your mind for awhile and work hard at it,

or find something that you can focus on improving your muscle memory, hackey sack, rythm music video games, musical instrument, just practise and practise over and over again, and you'll see yourself get better naturally, idk thats always a kick for me

 

[anterrabae]

It sounds to me like you have too much time on your hands. Being just recently unemployed, I'm in the same boat. Finding a job in this economy is tough, I'm having trouble myself, even though I'm on Long Island not too far from the city.

As other have recommended, I'd try and volunteer somewhere. Think of what makes you happy, and see if there's an outlet for volunteer work in that same vein. For instance, I love animals, so my best bet would be an animal shelter.

As for the drugs, I don't know enough about you and your situation to say whether it's helping or hurting you, but if it's something you need and can't go without, it's probably not good.

So keep looking for job opportunities, Craigslist is always good, and in the meantime volunteer or find a hobby. Although I think volunteering is better, it'll give you a chance to meet other people who live near you, who very well may have good advice and experiences to share about finding and keeping a job where you live, and possibly cool places to hang out and meet more people. It's all about connections and finding your niche...in no time, you'll feel at home and comfortable.

 

[Mr_Fluffykins]

i spent a year and a half without a job, and it had a toll on my sanity, i felt kinda worthless, but i was to anxious to go applying because i didn't really had a reference for my resume even though i worked, and i didn't wanna deal with bullshit interviews, then i got a job, but it only last two weeks cuz they only needed someone for two weeks, then went down my self esteem again, but now working again, i feel good, even though i am exhausted

 

[chompy]

Stop taking the dexedrine. I also live 4 hours away from any familiy. I'm 22 years myself and I moved to a new state a year ago and yea it can be very lonely especially if you live in a crazy city (Vegas for me). It can be hard to find and meet people etc, maybe take a random class at a community college or go to the public library and parks?

Enjoy food? Try yelp and see what good eats your town/city has.