Can a romantic relationship save you from addiction?

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

I've always hid my addictions from people who have taken interest in me due to fear of rejection and sudden disinterest, but I've always felt like if I found "the one" or just a great person overall I wouldn't need quick fixes anymore. And I totally feel that my horrendous love life has spiraled into contrubting to my addictions. And I'd imagine if the relationship ended horribly and bruised you.. your addiction could escalate way more than before? Starting to ramble, but what's peoples' experience with romance while being an addict? Has anyone made their addictions open to a non-addict partner and not have any repercussions? I just wish people understood, man

 

[tathra]

i think this might go best in sober living.

a relationship certainly can save you from addiction if you make it into your reason for not using anymore, because you want to do better and be better for your partner. but if this is your sole reason for staying clean, i'm sure you can see what it would mean for the relationship to start turning sour, so its important to continue building foundation and support if you use a relationship for your starting point; remember that its only a starting point to help in building a stronger foundation.

 

[Pickledlemons]

I've been told by professionals in rehab that it is best to get sober for a year or two first. So you are a more stable person. I didn't listen to this advice... and I immediately got into a relationship when I got out. It's been a rocky road but we are still together after 3 years. I have done some things that were very hard on her.

Basically, short term it will help, when you're both filled with lust and feel happy. Eventually that goes away and there's work to do to make the relationship work. That is more difficult even if you are an on and off drug user.

 

[aihfl]

I've been told by professionals in rehab that it is best to get sober for a year or two first. So you are a more stable person. I didn't listen to this advice... and I immediately got into a relationship when I got out. It's been a rocky road but we are still together after 3 years. I have done some things that were very hard on her.

Basically, short term it will help, when you're both filled with lust and feel happy. Eventually that goes away and there's work to do to make the relationship work. That is more difficult even if you are an on and off drug user.

This post hits the nail right on the head. When I got out of rehab and started regularly going to 12 step meetings, I thought, "Who made up this bullshit rule?" The generalization of "a year" seemed arbitrary and made-up to me. I got into two relationships I shouldn't have, both of which ended badly, because I was thinking with my other head and the idea of going without sex was scary. I'm at the point now where every now and then I start to miss female company, but then, like at last night's Refuge Recovery meeting, I hear horror stories about the effects of toxic relationships in recovery and I think yeaaaahhh, maybe not...

 

[ladyhlove]

I hid my pill habit that turned into a gram a day snorted heroin habit from my boyfriend of nearly two years. The pills were easy to hide, the heroin was not. He eventually found out and gave me a chance to get clean. I didn't take it seriously, I didn't think he'd actually leave if he caught me again. He did.

This is not the first relationship I've ruined with drugs. I lost a nearly three year relationship before this one that I began not an addict and ended hopelessly addicted to pain pills. I quit after that breakup too and stayed clean for several months. A couple of months into that clean time, I met my most recent ex and fell head over heels. I'm talking man of my dreams here. Eventually, the newness of that relationship wore off and I looked for that fix again. We were happy but it wasn't enough for me, I guess. I began using again..I was always broke..he helped pay my bills so many times thinking I wasn't making enough money at work (I was a bartender at the time, paid solely in tips so my pay varied daily)...he was good to me and I took advantage of him to feed my addiction. I broke his heart when he found out I was an addict and I nearly crushed him when he caught me again after claiming I had quit. I destroyed the trust between us.

So I'm getting clean. Not for him, for me. I'm 31 years old and I've realized that I am going to never have anything close to a healthy relationship if I'm an addict. No one can. And I've realized that there is no magical partner who is going to take away my cravings for opiates. I need to take those cravings away myself. This is my advice to you...get yourself right first. You have no idea what kind of damage your addiction can do to another human being who genuinely loves and cares about you, trust me. I'm very fortunate that my ex has forgiven me and still loves and cares about me. It would have been very easy for him to wash his hands clean of my junkie ass but he's still there...not the way he used to be...but he's there. We have hope that I can make it through this recovery process and that maybe we can give "us" another try. But we'll see. That's down the road.

My advice: work on yourself. Work on what's causing you to use. Do whatever you can to improve yourself. THEN find that special someone. No one can fix you. Only you can fix you.

 

[simco]

Hey OP. I can only speak about this personally, but experience is that a very good relationship can really bring out the best in us, and I think that includes putting destructive stuff behind us. But, it's also been my experience that that feeling of being made 'better' by being with another person isn't permanent. I guess I'll put it this way: meeting the woman who became my wife, and the first few years of our marriage made me feel great, but eventually my darker self found a way back in.

I'm almost sure that someone exists somewhere who never let that darkness back (leading to a 'yes' to your question). But I don't know him or her :/

 

[Captain.Heroin]

No.

 

[herbavore]

My advice: work on yourself. Work on what's causing you to use. Do whatever you can to improve yourself. THEN find that special someone. No one can fix you. Only you can fix you.

I think this is the crux of the matter and really it even goes beyond addiction recovery. People usually end up ruining relationship because they have not done what they need to do inside. I started and ended so many relationships that imploded due to my own neediness. Once I stopped looking for what I needed in someone else, things got a lot easier. It's still messy--relationships are messy--but at least for the most part I know whose mess is whose.

 

[Realitysucks]

I met my husband while he was getting clean from H. He had been yoyoing for 2 years. He was honest with me from the start, and at that time in my life i was 100% clean, never done any drugs. (Well smoked a little pot i guess in earlier teen years). We are stiil together today after 18 years. Only first 12 clean.. now we are both battling. Him H and me pretty much any perscription pain med u can get your hands on. Life can work out for the better because of a true connection with someone. Just remember no matter how long its been, that devil is still in the dark places of yourself. And the falling in love that helped you before wont necessarily work again. From experience

 

[Ds]

can a relation save you from addiction? the answer is no. when you start placing things in front of your recovery then you will eventually lose them. I hate to sound harsh but it's true.. I see it all the time.

 

[Vett]

Ten years ago when I got out of rehab I was told by my sponsor that I was to have no relationship for 1 year. A week later I met the love of my life. We both had a kid to take care of and wanted more out of life then we had at the time.
I ended up firing my sponsor and never looked back. Never did like anybody telling me what to do. I never went back to using my DOC. Haven?t touched it since after ten+ years of using.
I am married almost ten years now. We have loved and carried each other through good and hard times. Without her and God I can?t say for sure I would be where I am today. For me I needed a relationship in my life to tell me it was possible with out the drugs. Without the relationship I think I would have been searching for love and sex and eventually ended up finding it in the wrong places. By finding her I satisfied my need for love and thereby could focus on staying off meth. It could have gone south I guess but that was a chance I was willing to take.
Ten years and a great job and we have created several more kids to the family. Gained full custody of my and her son.
... so I really think it depends on the relationship and the person.

 

[Intense]

This sounds like codependency, and if they are ok with using then also enabling.