Broken

Crow

Crow

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 12, 2000
Messages
8,635
Broken 11/1/01
Seated in the front-runner of corporate America’s prodigal son,
Dr. Evil’s puppet corporation – Starbucks.
As I walk past the fake pine doorway to “America’s cleanest toilet” with my Tall tea,
I spot a sign…
I AM BROKEN
funny how sometimes you pass something so trivial
to the world but so true unto yourself.
i am broken
i am not who i was a week ago
so much taken away
so much unknowns in the future,
so lost in my nakedness to society’s standards
my mind spun to exhaustion,
by thoughts of “what if” and “if only”
my carelessness shown only in hindsight
i am broken
i am broken
as i lay, staring at the white upon white of the plaster ceiling
begging for a visit by the sandman
my entertainment
the demons wrestling on my chest
fighting over who gets to swan dive into my spirit and chew away
as i spent the night looking at my katana,
wondering if the tip was sharp enough to
pierce my breastplate.
i am broken as i stare at the one thing in my life
once unblemished, become a sea of endless nonsense
corrupt
skewed
raped with gossip.
i am broken
broken as i question if i were better off still plugged into the machine.
broken as i desperately try to reason myself out of this melancholy state.
knowing my chemically enhanced moments have set me free, making me cannon fodder for conservative persecution.
but those fanatics celebrate in their own hypocrite depressant drug frenzy
hidden behind its socially accepted concept.
fuck social concepts
fucks society
fuck the human race.
humanity is defiantly lost.
hope is gone…
I am broken
 
crow -
loved it. very good words (which you do mighty well with). all of it hit home, except for one part - hope isn't gone, even though it may seem like it now. you have to find the hope in something you do, whether it's writing, or talking with a friend, or whatever. you're a very strong person. keep that in your mind, and keep your chin up. whatever you do, don't lose hope. however miniscule the shred of it may be that you're clinging to, it's still hope.
love ya, and miss ya, too. i'll see you in a few weeks (WAHOO!).
**massive hugs for the crow-meister**
 
Crow, my friend, I empathize with you all too well.
But reminiscing about the days when we were
"once unblemished"
Click to expand...
does nothing but reinvigorate that bitch that is Perfectionism.
You're a beautiful, successful person, Crow . . . blemishes and all.
Peace and Love,
LL
 
^
Nicely stated.
smile.gif
 
Hey pal, I feel your pain... an ache that no pill can dull. Just remember who your friends are, and that they all share in it, ok? Your never completely alone.
 
I think this has held more emotion in its words than any you have written. I read it, and can feel, not just know, what you mean. I'm so glad you are here, and with us, to share it...
~brooke
 
I feel you read the words right out of a notebook of emotions in my head. which makes me happy to know that maybe im not broken alone. once i went to this girl house, and on the ceiling of her bathroom, it said "how do you know how to feel?" and i felt my spine tingle when i read it...and i always think about it now. but after all i read those words for a meaning...as you did yours
smile.gif

plurr
raychul
 
You frown when you bump this. One day you will smile because you will have learned all you need to from the words you put down here, and one day you will remember the pain of that day but will smile because of the joy you have reached by overcoming that day.
I know sweetie. It felt - feels - like something died. Like something that was so pure and huge and beautiful was tainted somehow. I don't know what comes next, I really don't, and I wish I had the magic-8-ball answer for it. But whatever "next" may be, you will not be standing in front of it alone. You'll have love beside you, on all sides of you, and that childlike wonder we felt rushing through us will return. Evolution is a bitch. But at least it's consistent. :)
 
i remember reading this when you first wrote it, and i swear i thought i replied to it, cuz i thought it was such an amazing display of emotion...
i remember thinking a thousand things when i read it, and nodding my head thinking "i can relate" at least 10 times...
and now, all i can think to say is, wow.
words didn't break you, and words cant fix you, but i'd like to give it a shot....
someone loves you. someone cares about you. someone is jealous of you. someone thinks the world of you. i dont doubt that. i think that you could, off the top of your head, name all those people i just mentioned in one breath, without wracking your brain. me.... i admire you. the way you carry yourself, the intellegence that is so much a part of you, the undying passion i see in your work, the sparkle and zest for life i saw in your eyes the one and only time i was lucky enough to meet you.
i dont pretend my life is easy, and anyone in this forum knows that. but its not often i see this side of you, and its hard for me to think of something intellegent to say that could ever even come close to hitting home... but i hope you know you've given me a lot of strength in some pretty hard times, and for once, i'd like to return it.
*insert long hug here*
 
Crow--this seems like it's almost directly related to my post, You Tell Me :D
but really, i completely agree with squirtles :) hope isn't gone, you're never truly broken. you're temporarily out of commission. for when something is broken, it's useless, thrown away, beyond being fixed, which you are not.
when you see what you mean, even to people you don't know at all, when you connect with someone, when you step on the grass and see the imprint you make, when you feel the love shine through a radiant smile, you know Humanity, the human race, and your heart, are not broken.
(whew, that was one helluva sentence ;)
 
*bumping this*
I think this so accurately and sadly describes thoughts that many of us have went through, trying to tear away and be something other than mainstream...
 
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