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Boyfriend hasn't come home, really frustrating.

S

shygirlluv

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 27, 2012
Messages
99
So my bf never does this, but earlier we got into the smallest, most ridiculous fight ever. I guess I am just coming here to vent, well he called me and asked me to go to his mom's to pick up HIS son, and so I said no problem. Well I didn't leave the house right away, It took me about 45 minutes to get ready , so when I got to his mom's his little boy wasn't there cus I had taken too long, he had gone to the store with his grandma. So when my bf called me 2 hours later to see where I was at , I told him I was at his moms. He went ape shit, saying that I should have been home already and that that's bullshit that it took me that long to leave the house. blah blah, needless to say that was at 4:20 this afternoon, it is now 9:30 in the evening and his phone is still off and he won't return my calls or txts! He tells me that he loves me so much and that he can't picture his life without me , yet he blows up on me with the littlest things! WHy ? HE hasn't even bothered to come home and see his son, who he never sees, he'd rather be out with his friends drinking and doing god only knows what! I can't take this though, I'm not the type of girl to sit at home and wonder when my man is coming home, or wonder who hes with or what he''s doing? I had a really good job too and I quit 2 weeks ago cus he said it was my job or him, he got tired of being alone at night ( Iworked evenings , didn't get home till 1am) I quit for him, and for what? SO i can sit at home broke, all alone, probably being played????? He doesn't sound like a guy that wants only me anymore :( ! I am trying so hard not to sit here and mope and feel sorry for myself , but I'm still wondering WTF did I do today to deserve being treated like this? I was at HIS MOM'S house when he called waiting for HIS SON, I wasn't with a guy, i wasn't out getting drunk, I wasn't at home doing drugs! WTf was so wrong with what I did? Someone please tell me , cus I fail to see how I was wrong! Just because I didnt out the door at the snap of his fingers, what ? What, what was it?
 
You took too long. Just kidding. This is what abusers do and I have had my share of it. It's time constraints that raise the red flags and reveal the man's controlling nature. Stop calling him. Tell him to go fuck himself when he comes home.


Edit: You quit your job for this prick! Punch him in the balls too
 
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I could be way off base here, but, it sounds like he has control issues to me. The quitting your job thing likely has more to do with his thinking you`ll be dependant on him. Just as I suspect he wants. That way you`ll be under his thumb just a little more. You don`t deserve to be treated like this and I`m sorry you are going through it. Tommorrow may be a better time to address him about how you are feeling and how his actions are effecting your relationship. I wish you luck.
 
Leave while u can. He wants to control you, thinks you can be there at his beck and call, do everything he wants u to do, take care of him, his kid, yet thinks he can just go out and do whatever. But if u want to go out and hang out with ur girlfriends i bet he'd flip shit and accuse u of cheating. He probably thinks you won't leave and can treat you how he wants cuz he thinks youre dependant on him and need him. He wants you completely dependant. There's better men out there for real.
 
^^^^this ^^^^. Run, fast, and now. You may be sad for awhile but you'll be glad you did. This is classic textbook 'abuser with control issues' behavior, and it will only escalate. You can't 'fix' him no matter how much you may think you love each other. Be safe. Be careful, get out. I wish someone had said that to me when I was in a similar situation many years ago. My situation got really dangerous and I was lucky to get out at all. I wish better for you.
 
Seems like he has set everything up perfectly. He got you to quit your job, so he could have more control over you, and you would have more time to do his bidding. If things didn't work out between you, and you broke up, you would be the one in dire need, with no job.. and he would be the one on top which would make him feel better about himself, thus making it easier to move on. See it all the time.
 
You didn't do anything wrong... he's the one with the problem. It sounds like he's trying to control you... I agree with everyone's comments, it definitely sounds like he has abusive tendencies. How long have you been with him? You guys have a kid together or what?
 
Absolutely abusive and manipulative behaviour. Giving you an ultimatum to either quit your job or lose him, just because he doesn't want to be alone at night? FFS, what a child. Lashing out at you for picking up HIS child from HIS mother's house? Fuck that.

I'd be getting out of there as fast as possible, and I strongly suggest that you do this.
 
yet he blows up on me with the littlest things! WHy ?

maybe not picking his kid up on time isn't a Little thing to him, you didn't respect him enough to be on time.
that'd piss me off too
 
Ok off topic here but I told my gf to quit her job that she hated, she wud be in tears before going there! They took the piss making her work LONG hours while being treat like shit. It does make her more dependant on me, BUT it's allowed her to do LOADS of free courses provided by the job centre, volunteer work and tomorrow has an interview for a job she really wants to do with prospects!
Would that make me controlling?
 
dg420 said:
yet he blows up on me with the littlest things! WHy ?

maybe not picking his kid up on time isn't a Little thing to him, you didn't respect him enough to be on time.
that'd piss me off too
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If picking up HIS kid is so god damn important, why doesn't he pick him up? It's not like he spend time with him anyways- OP says he goes out with his friends instead.
 
Tude said:
If picking up HIS kid is so god damn important, why doesn't he pick him up? It's not like he spend time with him anyways- OP says he goes out with his friends instead.
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because his girl said she would, then took 2hrs to get there??
 
Eyes On the Roll said:
Seems like he has set everything up perfectly. He got you to quit your job, so he could have more control over you, and you would have more time to do his bidding. If things didn't work out between you, and you broke up, you would be the one in dire need, with no job.. and he would be the one on top which would make him feel better about himself, thus making it easier to move on. See it all the time.
Click to expand...

Completely agree with this post. Seems like he's got you where he wants you.
Quitting a job for a guy seems absolutely ridiculous. My boyfriend works a regular 9-5 job and I work a job where my hours are all over the place - weekends, evenings, etc. Even before we lived together, we still made it work.

I mean yeah, you did take a long time just to go pick up a kid. Did you tell him how long you'd be? That being said, he was completely out of line with what he did.

But I'm not sure what you are asking for us to help you with. I definitely agree that you have a right to be angry about this. But you also chose to quit your job for this and everything, so you are the one who made yourself broke. You need to find a job and get out of there. Is this what you want to do for the rest of your life?
 
He sounds like a narcissist, and you might have some codependency issues... I will echo what everyone here said, RUN WHILE YOU CAN! You deserve someone who can treat you right, and more importantly YOU deserve to treat yourself right! You do not deserve this, and you need to stop giving yourself excuses to stay. Quitting your job for him should really have been a red flag... This man doesn't care about your career, your well-being, your devotion, your loyalty, your feelings, or anything about you. He says he does to keep you twirled around his finger. I've seen this many times, and I've had it happen to me a couple of times too. People like this disgust me, horrible soul-sucking parasites.

They say you have to love yourself before you can expect others to love you - I find this to be true. You need to understand and believe wholeheartedly that you deserve something good, (remember: it's not like you're asking for the world - only to be loved and understood, a completely basic human thing) and then learn to disregard and break off from the people that no longer contribute to your life positively. I understand how hard it is to break a connection off, but some unhealthy connections are better off that way.

To quote Kurt Vonnegut, "Do not be reckless with other people's hearts, and don't put up with anyone that's reckless with yours."

This might be of interest to you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

Codependency (or codependence, interdependency ) is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as in an addiction to alcohol or heroin); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of or control of another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others."
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yeah, my first relationship was abusive. emotionally, physically (self harm used as manipulation).
he's taking your life and independence away from you, and sounds like an aggressive control freak. you need to get away before he ruins your life. i hate to be so blunt, but the OP is loaded with red flags.
get out while you still can!
 
its not like the kid was at day care and they were waiting 45 minutes so they could lock the doors. he was at his grandmas. hopefully OP sees her text in the 3rd person and also the majority of the responses on here that say this guy is a manipulative piece of shit. hopefully she can leave him and get her job back if it's only been a couple of weeks. guys like that, flying off the handle for no real reason are pieces of shit. making OP quit her job so he wouldnt be lonely then pulling this kind of bullshit. fuck him, you can do much better in this world my dear
 
Yea it's not my responsibility to pick him up but he always helps me with my kids, so I feel like I can't say no to him. Plus he was working and wasn't getting out for 4 more hours, I didn't think it was something I had to do right then and there. I was cleaning house and had just gotten out of the shower. I was taking my time, he told me that I don't have to work and that he will pay my bills. The only thing he won't pay for is my gym membership that I never use lol .
 
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