This is me just venting and being a whiney little bitch and it may be deleted. Since i have gotten out of the psych ward i really havent been doing ,much but focusing on getting better. The psychosis and cotards syndrome i had is thankfully gone hopefully for good cause fuck that shit. It seriously reminded me of a dramamine trip the very little of it i can remember. Well dramamine and thinking your dead i guess. My depression is gone maybe because thinking i was dead fucking sucked and now i figure any day above ground is a good one. I may not have much going for me but im atleast alive and free of that god awful place so im not feelings down really. My sex drive is also back after getting the abillify out of my system. It took awile for it to leave my system and for a brief anxious time i thought it would never come back but it did thank fuck. However i am now abit self conscious cause i am massively out of shape and now have a goddamn cyst on one of my balls so it looks significantly bigger then the other and looks fucking weird. I guess having weird looking balls isnt the end of the world but it is making me self conscious. I also havent had coke in a year which according to everyone but me is a good thing. Every goddamn dealer i knew quit selling because of certain ssues here so im now stuck without coke goddamn it. I quit coke voluntarily for 8 months or so.
But despite everything going well i am still here fucking complaining because now i feel so bored. When i first got out i think i still had a rather rosey view of the outside world after being stuck in the psych ward for 6 months. I was happy just to be out really and able to do what i wanted without some cunt checking on me every hour. But now i think im getting back to normal for lack of a better word. Im feeling bored as fuck with my life. I wake up early usually these days make some coffee, smoke a bong, hop on the net and look up the news, maybe have a shot of morphine or take some clonazepam, grab breakfast, smoke lots more bongs or hash, watch tv maybe and fuck around on the net hoping to catch a friend on, have drinks if i can afford them, cook supper, more bongs, chat to more friends if there online, pop some zopiclone if i have any, chat to friends online and sleep. Since i got out of the psych ward ive had a habit of eating more and drinking more booze since when i was in the psych ward i had no booze and had shitty food when i didnt order takeout and even had no food given to me when i was in solitary. Thats my fucking day day in day out pretty much so im boring as fuck.
I know i shouldn't be complaining after all ive been through but is there more to life seriously? I think of what id do if i had money and really all i think that would change is id be doing alot more drugs and id be fatter from eating more. But really is that all there fucking is to it all? Maybe im just being nihilistic as after all cotards syndrome is also known as delusions of nihilism but there has to be more to life then eating, getting drunk, getting high and getting laid. Really those are the only things i can really think of to do these days and i havent been doing good on the getting laid which is maybe a big part of the problem but i tend to blame to much shit on that. Getting laid would atleast kill some time because thats about all i have these days is time. Granted when i was in the psych ward i would have killed to have time to get high, get drunk, play video games, watch movies or anything really without some utter cunt checking on me and giving me shit for smoking weed or ciggs or them just being a cunt in general.
End of bitching.
But despite everything going well i am still here fucking complaining because now i feel so bored. When i first got out i think i still had a rather rosey view of the outside world after being stuck in the psych ward for 6 months. I was happy just to be out really and able to do what i wanted without some cunt checking on me every hour. But now i think im getting back to normal for lack of a better word. Im feeling bored as fuck with my life. I wake up early usually these days make some coffee, smoke a bong, hop on the net and look up the news, maybe have a shot of morphine or take some clonazepam, grab breakfast, smoke lots more bongs or hash, watch tv maybe and fuck around on the net hoping to catch a friend on, have drinks if i can afford them, cook supper, more bongs, chat to more friends if there online, pop some zopiclone if i have any, chat to friends online and sleep. Since i got out of the psych ward ive had a habit of eating more and drinking more booze since when i was in the psych ward i had no booze and had shitty food when i didnt order takeout and even had no food given to me when i was in solitary. Thats my fucking day day in day out pretty much so im boring as fuck.
I know i shouldn't be complaining after all ive been through but is there more to life seriously? I think of what id do if i had money and really all i think that would change is id be doing alot more drugs and id be fatter from eating more. But really is that all there fucking is to it all? Maybe im just being nihilistic as after all cotards syndrome is also known as delusions of nihilism but there has to be more to life then eating, getting drunk, getting high and getting laid. Really those are the only things i can really think of to do these days and i havent been doing good on the getting laid which is maybe a big part of the problem but i tend to blame to much shit on that. Getting laid would atleast kill some time because thats about all i have these days is time. Granted when i was in the psych ward i would have killed to have time to get high, get drunk, play video games, watch movies or anything really without some utter cunt checking on me and giving me shit for smoking weed or ciggs or them just being a cunt in general.
End of bitching.
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Whent from Brisbane to the Gold Cost In a van. Dove Herion Island. Ausies have the most beautiful women on the fucking planet.. I’m pretty damn good looking myself. My parents hit the Australian Open .. but i stayed with relatives.
❤
.. that and beets with your burger garnish.