• 🇳🇿 🇲🇲 🇯🇵 🇨🇳 🇦🇺 🇦🇶 🇮🇳
    Australian & Asian
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • AADD Moderators: andyturbo

bluelighters i need your help...

S

staxz

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 27, 2001
Messages
18
Location
australia
I guess ill start from the begining, ive been taking pills and speed for the past 3 years, last year i went through a crazy stage of taking around 20 pills aweek and the go on top of that, during that time I managed to push away all my friends who were not rolling with us, this went on for 6 months. When i finally come to my senses and after spending alot of money decided to stop rolling, unfortunatly it wasnt that easy, i went into severe depression and the only thing on my mind was how i could kill myself. i continued to roll just to help get through the depression, usally only 1-2 pills a week. this went on for a further 6 months, i also quit my job, and everything was just getting worse, my brain felt like it was shutting down and i couldnt think,, couldnt see things getting better. i went to the doctors 6wks ago and am now on anti-depresants. Im feeling alittle better everyday. my problem is none of my old friends are around anymore, only my friends that are still partying hard, problem i keep pilling when around them. bluelighters you my only help at the moment what do i do. Im not well enough yet to go make new friends, i need someone.. ANY IDEAS.
i know it was stupid to take that many pills we all make mistakes, please everyone take it easy and dont stuff up like me. i got nothing against the pills, i just need a break.
 
Good encouragement can come from hanging with those that too have partied hard in the past, but have learned to manage drugs such that they don't feel they have to roll at every party. Surely you've met people that regulate their substance taking so as to be non-problematic?
Lots of us have been through periods of hard play, it's quite common when first discovering things as profound as E or raving. Don't give up, there's lots of hope out there.
See if the antidepressants make a difference, but also try to find ways to balance your lifestyle with health and happiness. Meeting people that can do this, but don't preach to you can be the best way to realise it is possible and easy to accomplish. The dance world is full of them.
Try going to parties straight, and enjoy the elements that constitute a good one. Music, DJ's production etc. All good therapy... and there's nothing quite as contagious as a sea of smiling faces.
Anticipation/ expectation can also play a big role in whether or not you enjoy a night, so sparkle like you would if you were intending to roll.
You might like to check out the volunteer groups such as Enlighten or RaveSafe that attend raves in your area. Some of these guys will have been where you are now. They usually have a good listening ear, are non-judgmental and can offer some sound advice.
Good luck staxz, and may the lifeforce be with you...
phase_dancer
 
geez man sounds like your going through a tough time...
like phaze dancer said you need to just got to a few clubs straight and just enjoy the atmosphere. I have actually met a few people over the last few months at clubs who are doing exactly that. Just enjoying the atmosphere and taking time out.
There are other ways of getting energy if you feel thats lacking eg guarana pills can be purchased from supermarkets like woolies. A girl i met said she had taken a couple of them and thats it. She was having a great time.
The most important thing you need is a healthy diet. As well as multivitamins. Can you take 5-HTP on antidepressants?
I know a really healthy drink is juice from a juice extracter. If you have one just make up a drink of carrot, apple, celery, bla blah its packed with goodness.
Anyway, like dancer said you need to just go out for a while and enjoy yourself without the pills to realise that the fun and happiness is always there in you and the ppl around you. Just going cold turkey and sitting at home is never going to work, you need the stress relief of the club otherwise you'll just get more and more depressed sitting at home.
Hmmm well i've crapped on enough. I hope it wasn't too rambling!
Peace,
RobE.
------------------
Yeah nice one brov! :)
 
Don't take 5HTP with antidepressants! You could end up with too much serotonin being
produced, and that condition can be far worse than not having enough!!
Even L-Tryptophan should be avoided.
Check with your GP on anything you are thinking of taking with such medications. There can be many things that are important to avoid with some classes of antidepressant drugs. If he doesn't know contact the company that markets the drug. I've received amazing amounts of info upon requesting such stuff.
They love to "prove" how good their product is, and you have the right to know and evaluate it for yourself.
phase_dancer
 
Hey sounds like you are going through a rough period..
Have you got icq or messenger? maybe we can have a chat on there. I think I can help ya, i know someone who has been through something very very similar.. i have a few of my own stories to tell.
my icq number is 58170893... umm otherwise let me know through here and i can email ya.
 
Thanks guys this is all helping, it is good to have some good feedback, and even knowing that you took the time to reply to me has made me feel that someone cares.
dancinbabe i dont have icq or messanger, my email address is [email protected]
 
Hey, stax. Reading your post reminds me of a situation i was going through not that long ago. Just realising that you're going too far is an achievement in itself, so well done dude.
When I was in a bit of trouble these 'friends' i'd been going out with all the time where nowhere to be seen. Do you know who was there for me? My old friends who i had pushed away because i though they couldnt keep up. I now realise that they were actually just sensible.
The only advice I can offer you is what i did to pull myself back together again. And that is...
  • Dont, whatever you do, view the last year of your life negatively. Think of it as a holiday. Its nice to get away now and then but youve got to get back to reality sometime.
  • I, personally, wouldnt try and go clubbing straight especially if you keep pilling when youre around the people you go to clubs with. There are plenty of other ways to have fun and they are usually more fun too.
  • Go out and get a job or a hobby or play a sport or something. Keeping your mind occupied with something else will help immensely.
As for antidepressants, im not a fan of people taking them after a long drug binge. I have seen quite a few pople do it and only saw a decline in thier emotional state. Exercise makes your brain release seratonin aswell. I started going to the gym again and taking some vitamins and i was feeling like a new person in no time.
Above all else, look on the bright side. To take 2 steps forward, sometimes you have to take 1 step back.
------------------
Is Don, Is Good
[This message has been edited by Don Corleone (edited 29 April 2001).]
 
Staxz, bummer to hear that you had to walk down the hard path I've seen it all to often with friends. The only thing I can say is that if your party friends didn't force you stop then they aren't really friends. I might recommend that you contact your old friends (The phone calls won't be easy) and try to catch up for coffee, lunch or something similar. You will find that most of these friends will be receptive to your plight if your open and honest with them.
Also don't even try to go to parties straight just yet as you did go pretty hard for a while and the temptation will be to high. Even I find it a little hard to go to parties straight and I'm a very moderate user.
I was going to wish you good luck but then again I won't (Luck having nothing to do with it) as I know you'll get through it.
------------------
To the one you feel in the metronome of your mind.
Does it offend you that our rhythm looks strange.
Or causes your thinking to be re arranged.
Could it be that you would understand this beat to which we dance
more clearly had you been given a chance
So as you struggle to find the feel with your feet
Ask yourself can you dance to my beat!
 
well that's a kinda hard sitch that your in staxz, but i recommend that you start doing things for yourself think postive and start going for coffie out to lunch or even a phone call to you 'old' friends as someone has already said. Start eating and make sure you are doing things that make you happy don't sit in doors and think about how shit everything look back and go sweet that was a good few years of my life i wont forget it....Start moving on and do something that you always have wanted to do but never got round to it. Even though you think this is the end of the world it's not belive me
smile.gif

Hope everything works out well for you sweetie *Hugs*
 
***************only my opinion***************
i've been through this as well, not to the extent of 20pills a week though!
its a tough road to recovery, i personally think that the brain learns to regulate the seritonin levels so that when you are going that hard it only releases it when the drugs are released into the system.
i got through it by staying around positive people who enjoy drugs but dont need to take them all the time.
i also concetrated on my job(being an apprentice) and excelled from a clear head.
i personally think that you can fix a drug and depression related problem using different drugs,
i think that you have to understand that youre friends think you have blown them off and it takes alot of work to get them back.
i still find it abit challenging to go out with out taking something, i find that if im with mates that still party i try to go home before the drugs start working for them.
THE DON has good advice that is worth listening to, such as:
"Dont, whatever you do, view the last year of your life negatively. Think of it as a holiday. Its nice to get away now and then but youve got to get back to reality sometime." (end quote)
i tend to look back on it and think well i fucked up my job, my life, i am dissapointed in myself for going crazy but never wish that it didnt happen, in truth it makes me determined to succeed more.
good luck and remember there is always someone who has travelled the same path before you! icq: 106814851
------------------
"ill never try an E" quote from me june1999(and i didn't untill about 40 pills later)
 
Staxz
One of the most important and beneficial things you could do for yourself during this dark period is to look into what it was that that sent you on this path in the first place. The excessive indulge in pills, the inability to not be on a pill when your with your clubbing pals, the behaviour, attitudes mood etc that led you to get distanced from your original friends (which I suggest might just go a little bit further than the fact that you were getting into drugs heavy and they weren’t) are symptoms of something deeper within you that you have to resolve. Sure, we can all give you advice on what “to do” – that’s easy. And it’s easy to INTEND to follow that advice. But unless you know what it was exactly that led you to overindulge – ie unless you get at the SOURCE of the problem – you stand a good chance of repeating your behaviour over and over again.
So what was it – perhaps you have been feeling a sense of emptiness about life, maybe a feeling that you’re not as good as other people and need to be pilled up to feel good about yourself, or was it the hurt of a break-up with someone special, or something else altogether – what? What are you feeling in those moments when you know you shouldn’t swallow another pill – or swallow that first pill of the night – that leads you to do it nonetheless? Maybe you’re not sure what it is – either way, the key lies in getting to the heart of it and dealing with THAT issue, as painful though it might be . You didn’t start over-indulging to the extent that you did because life was wonderful and you wanted to make it more wonderful. You did it because of something else, and I would suggest that that ‘something’ is an emotion that you don’t like experiencing and which you want to block out or forget.
It’s like people who eat excessively and are consequently overweight – they are often eager for tips on achieving weight-loss but often such advice doesn’t lead them to lose weight. Why? Because they are not dealing with the feelings inside of them that lead them to over-eat to begin with. Let me ask you a question: If something great happened to you next Friday – say a win in the lottery, a great promotion, the achievement of some goal, etc – would you find it easy to say ‘no’ to pills that weekend? Probably, hey?
In summary: the pilling and consequent joblessness and associated problems represent your method of dealing (unsuccessfully, as I’m sure you would agree) with a sense of lack, emptiness, loneliness, inadequacy, boredom or something else painful and/or uncomfortable within yourself. So, if you have a spare minute, tell us a little about what it is that led you on this little journey of self-destruction. THEN I – and others – may be in a position to help you.
 
Gassohuz,
You said it all so well, I guess you hit the nail on the head. I do have alot of personal problem from since i was young, when I was a teenager and now. I dont know how to fix these as i find it uncomftable talking to people about things. I tend to bottle up my emotions, and im at the point of my life where if i dont fix these things im not sure what will happen, I feel like the only way they will be fixed is if i was dead. I hate my life. I know the main reason i took all the pills was to excape from the real world, before the pills I had an alchol problem and a gambling problem which also were for the excape. I do have a low self esteem from the things that have happened to me. I get to the point where i cant control my emotions, and by dropping a pill or having a line fixes that. The anti-depression tablets are helping a little, ive been on them for a couple of months, my dosage has just been increased. But i do see them as an escape to, as they just numb my emotions.
Im thinking of moving from the city im in now, throwing out every thing from my past and just starting again with no memorys, do you think this will help? Feel free to e-mail me gassohuz ([email protected])and anyone else. Or just continue the thread, I read it when ever im down(so every day) just because it makes me feel better that people who dont even know me care and can give me good advise. Thats more than my best friends can do. They dont understand the difference between being down to depression. They dont understand what im going through.
To everyone else thankyou for your advise, It HAS helped, I did try going out straight but didnt work, looking at the people that were going off, i needed that feeling, although didnt get the full effect cause of my medication. I think I might leave the clubs/raves alone for awhile. Ive been doing stuff i enjoy like drawing, and creative stuff. With snow season coming up, I think I might get into a bit of boarding, which will give me a buzz that is better for me.
THANKS GUYS YOU ARE THE GREATEST
 
Yay for staxz. What I mean is yay for what sounded like a more positive attitude in the last reply. Looks like you're going to start planning some things to do in the future which will be interesting, fun and most of all will be something that can take your mind of drugs. Snowboarding sounds like a wicked idea.
Well whatever it is that you do just keep yourself busy, I think a new hobby is always a cool idea (something like MTB riding is cool fun plus you get fit and see some great countryside). Remember there is something positive in every situation (even if you cannot see it at the time) and everything you get through makes you stronger. Good luck.
 
seems like there is a few out there that have this problem...6 months ago i was homeless, living on friends and afterhours couches. i was doing 25 to 30 pills a week. rollin almost everyday of the week. yes i was able to roll alll those times. note that this was all free, do to my running pills for friends. then i started on top of this with crystal meth. with all this i still had my head on straight. but i knew i had to quit. but it was so hard. i knew that i had to remove myself from that group of friends to stop. i met a wonderful guy. he took me into his home and loved me. but said that if i didnt get off the crystal and slow down on the e that there was no way he would stick around. this was my way out. i quit cold turkey. it was the most awful experience in my life. for two weeks i cried and shaked and cried and didnt know where i was. and he help me get thru it. 6 months later, i can go out and roll just on sat nite, have fun, and be w/friends. have the time of my life then go home and goto bed
smile.gif

my head is clearer and i can actually rem things now. so the whole thing is to get away from the atmoshpere and peeps that your are around. find new friends or keep those friends and stay away from them until you know your strong enough. its hard, but in the long run its so much better. i know you can do it.
smile.gif
lots of luv and luck.
 
Staxz, I can understand re the taking drugs etc to escape, having come from a 'difficult childhood/adolescence' - my sister had a harder time coming to terms with things, and has been diagnosed bipolar. But good therapy and really good drugs (prescription!), but lots of experimentation to get the dosage right has ensured that for the first time in years and years, my sister feels vaguely normal.
I know it's really hard to talk about your problems, but it really does help - I think the best thing is knowing that you're not alone, and so many of us have had to deal with being dealt the shitty stick.
PS. My sister has started a new life in Australia, after going into the depths, in england, ie ending up with a luckily failed suicide attempt... it's working for her.
Good luck and don't give up on yourself.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top