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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Cheshire_Kat

Black outs

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manic230

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 18, 2015
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im new this.. but i feel i have to talk to someone.. i started smoking crack and sniffing herion exactly 1.6 years..i have gone from $50 rock and 2 bags of dope to $150 rock to 6 bags heroin without share ing..i also have had sex with my dealer for drugs.. and i actually enjoy it..this was not my path.. at all..does the downfall happen this fast?
 
i want to stop..but do like the sensations..i don't like the debt .i honestly wanted to do the sexual things.. i only suffer from guilt after..i get very uninhibited.
 
Look you are on a treacherous slope. In my mid twenties I was sleeping with very middle aged (50+) women for their prescriptions. At first I liked it. I got to get high, and I got to have a little fun because not all of them were that bad...but eventually your mind changes about it. The guilt becomes constant and ruins the high. Not to mention my friends found out what I was doing and never let me live it down. So....basically you are on the cusp of a greater understanding of what objectifying your body can do. Once your dealers objectify you that is all you will be, and object.

Take control of yourself in anyway you can. Be careful.
 
manboychef said:
Look you are on a treacherous slope. In my mid twenties I was sleeping with very middle aged (50+) women for their prescriptions. At first I liked it. I got to get high, and I got to have a little fun because not all of them were that bad...but eventually your mind changes about it. The guilt becomes constant and ruins the high. Not to mention my friends found out what I was doing and never let me live it down. So....basically you are on the cusp of a greater understanding of what objectifying your body can do. Once your dealers objectify you that is all you will be, and object.

Take control of yourself in anyway you can. Be careful.
Click to expand...

I spent the last few days reading up on a lot of feminism-related stuff and this object-subject theme is everywhere. Pretty funny that right after that I find someone use it on here.

Anyway, to the point. Why is the thread named "blackouts" and why is it a trip report? You have already pretty much answered your problem. If you feel guilty afterwards, you shouldn't do it. The guilt will only accumulate until a point where it becomes unbearable and can deprive you of the motivation needed to quit. It often happens that one gets high to forget the guilt, but their actions that follow it result in more guilt; like a closed circle. Personally, I faced that problem with alcohol - I'd do incredibly retarded and shameful stuff while drunk that I'd feel guilty afterwards, then drink more to compensate for it and let the process repeat itself. So just get out of it if you can.
 
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