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Bipolar - Q's from an anxiety ridden maniac

O

oic

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 13, 2010
Messages
6
Well i recently (less than a month ago) was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I'm almost 20 and ever since my early teens i could tell something just wasn't right with myself, suicidal thoughts when things got bad etc. Overly emotional, to say the least. And i bottled most of it up.

So basically when i FINALLY got into a "decent" psych and FINALLY got prescribed (atleast some of) the meds i needed, i felt a lot better since i wasn't Manic or anxiety ridden anymore, atleast for the first two weeks. So i went into my follow up 2 weeks later & told him i felt pretty good compared to how i felt before. He jumped the gun & told me to keep taking my Geodon and Klonopin .5 x2 per day & I don't have to see him til the end of August, which i NOW think is way too long to wait but at the time i was like "meh" okay.

So 3 weeks on the meds and the Geodon alone has made a world of difference, it's a mood stabilizer only. I don't think I'm on enough though still, as my anxiety/crazy emotions are still coming back in waves, which has lead to me taking extra .5 klonopin here and there. I have another week to go before i can get my script filled and I'm just not sure what to do. I guess I have to pay for it because I don't want to tell my doc I took extra Klonopin because i feel like a new person on these meds. a better person. a person that might live past 30.

someone with experience with bipolar or doctors in general please shed some light..

Geodon 20mg 1 nightly 1 in the morning
Klonopin .5 2x daily

Been on them for 3 weeks..Kpins running out faster than they should be. Past history of drug abuse, opiates from age 17-present (on and off, mostly on until recently <6mo)

TL;DR - IM NUTS. :|
 
be patient, the geodon may still be making changes

you have the klonopin and it is helping, stop taking more then prescribed, if you have been through opioid w/d, know that the klonopin is far more worse... you keep have to give the doc a reason to trust you, or they will yank you off.

you do not want to be on very much, its going to take me around a year to properly taper, i wish i hadn't gone over two mgs, one mg a day had proven to be more therapeutic psychologically then three or four. i take 4-6 mgs and lithium, after so many years that combo really worked, finally some peace... but, going into with drawl from large doses of benzos is,.well lethal. ive hit the er because my doctor half stepped and left me put for a weekend I doubt I would of survived. so you can run put for any reason, but you better have some extras because benzos are not to be taken lightly.

be careful, its awesome you found what helps! truly it is, but now that you know, keep it that way.
 
If you are going through your clonazepam before you should, that alone will cause fluctuation in mood.
 
Take it from someone who has learned it the hard way on more than one occasion, take the same amount of Klonopin every day as prescribed by your doctor. Running out of benzos early is hell on earth and can have serious consequences. You want to build a steady dosage of Klonopin in your bloodstream, this will help keep you stable. I was recently diagnosed as mildly bipolar, but I want a second opinion and either way I can't afford all these psych visits or these mood stabilizers cuz I don't have insurance rt. now. I just stick to my Klonopin, taking the same amount at the same time every day helps a ton for me.
 
One question, OIC, have you been completely honest about your previous drug history with your GP? If you haven't, you should!! A decent, competent doctor should be completely aware of the fact that many people living with bi-polar self-medicate as a means of coping with their cycling mood states so I wouldn't think that your doctor is going to be judging you too heavily about that!

Also, you've said that you don't want to tell your doctor that you have been taking extra Klonopin? My advice would be tell you doctor EXACTLY that. Given your drug history, any sort of benzo/benzo derivative may not be the best way of controlling your mania ( i am assuming that this is what your doctor has prescribed this for?)? I mean, you might be enjoying it but that does not mean it is the most appropriate drug for you ;)! If you have had a history of drug abuse with opioids then it is only natural that you might be taking more Klonopin than what has been advised so my advice would be to talk to your doctor about your past and present issues with these types of drugs.

For the record, I am no medical professional but I have recently been diagnosed with bi-polar and the most important thing that I can say to you is to be COMPLETELY honest with your doctor to ensure you are being prescribed the right stabilisers. By being completely honest with your GP you'll ensure that they are best equipped to help you.

Best of luck, OIC.
 
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I'm full blown manic right now and I'm not in the right mindset to get into details (at least without accidentally getting into trouble). All I can say is:

Get ready
Brace yourself
Remember it is your path and yours alone
 
MR Candyslut said:
One question, OIC, have you been completely honest about your previous drug history with your GP? If you haven't, you should!! A decent, competent doctor should be completely aware of the fact that many people living with bi-polar self-medicate as a means of coping with their cycling mood states so I wouldn't think that your doctor is going to be judging you too heavily about that!

Also, you've said that you don't want to tell your doctor that you have been taking extra Klonopin? My advice would be tell you doctor EXACTLY that. Given your drug history, any sort of benzo/benzo derivative may not be the best way of controlling your mania ( i am assuming that this is what your doctor has prescribed this for?)? I mean, you might be enjoying it but that does not mean it is the most appropriate drug for you ;)! If you have had a history of drug abuse with opioids then it is only natural that you might be taking more Klonopin than what has been advised so my advice would be to talk to your doctor about your past and present issues with these types of drugs.

For the record, I am no medical professional but I have recently been diagnosed with bi-polar and the most important thing that I can say to you is to be COMPLETELY honest with your doctor to ensure you are being prescribed the right stabilisers. By being completely honest with your GP you'll ensure that they are best equipped to help you.

Best of luck, OIC.
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I've been as honest with him as one can be in two short Dr. visits, told him about my history of abusing opiates to not want to die and I guess he felt sympathetic because It'd been 4 months of craziness and fighting the urges and talking to a ditzy therapist at a place with no Doc. on site..which is why when i say I was/am anxiety ridden I really mean that. But that's just the icing on the cake apparently..

I guess I'll just tell him the truth. I'm really scared he'll yank me off these and leave me FUCKED and anxious & manic & unable to do normal shit like work & not want to snap on people.

thanks to all who replied..and Panic in Paradise <3 your username :]

EDIT: called his office & told the receptionist/nurse I need to be seen sooner & to have him call me back asap..just going to tell the truth. If he stops the klonopin so be it..fuck it at this point. i just want to feel better :(
 
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I have bipolar disorder, myself, and I thought of a few things that might help you. Firstly, speak to your psychiatrist about your concern that, if you stay in treatment and continue to take your meds (which you absolutely should do), you are worried that you won't be able to pay for it. Perhaps your doctor knows of some grant-run outpatient programs in your area that you could be transferred into. You should also start seeing a therapist on a regular basis. Seeing a therapist on the regular helps to ensure that someone is keeping tabs on how you are doing, how your moods are, and gives you professional support that can be invaluable and help prevent chaos in your life.

I have no insurance, but thanks to charity care and grant-run programs I am able to see my psychiatrist and therapist. Some pharmaceutical companies, like Astra Zeneca, have prescription programs that may allow you to get free medications. This is how I get my Seroquel for free.

Another great resource that can help you to find affordable or sometimes free mental health treatment is NAMI (National alliance on mental illness). Their website can help you to find the nearest NAMI office so you can call the location's phone number and tell them your situation. In my experience NAMI has been very helpful setting me up with things. NAMI is non-profit and is linked to, and in the know about, other local non-profits in your area that can help you. Their website is www.nami.org .

I mentioned charity care a bit earlier. Charity care basically pays for your treatment if you meet the requirements. Maybe you can ask your psychiatrist if you can apply for charity care at his office. I would definitely tell your psychiatrist about your klonopin problem. Perhaps he can safely guide you through a taper. In the end, the way you are using klonopin right now will probably cause a lot more problems for you, both mentally and physically.

As far as your concerns about your past drug use, believe me when I say that I have my own past drug use. This has not prevented me from receiving the treatment that I need in order to remain healthy and productive in life. Of course, you can't be using while you are in treatment and bipolar people shouldn't be using drugs because it can send them over the deep end. It was tough getting clean, but it was worth it for me.

The only other thing that I want to say is that being bipolar isn't really all that bad if you take care of yourself. Being in treatment and taking medications can really stink at times, but I stuck with it and I have really come a long way. I hope that you do well, but please try to take care of your klonopin problem before something bad happens.
 
Hey man, I didn't bother to read the previous posters, so I'm not sure this has been touched upon. I actually take the exact same meds as you with the addition of cogentin for my head twitches. I take 80mgs of Geodon at night and .5mg clonazopam twice daily. I feel best when I take my klonopin as prescribed, the only thing is I also have a PRN for when my anxiety gets out of control or if I have a panic attack. I take hydroxazine (vistaril, atirax), which is non narcotic and is an antihistamine with anti-anxiety effects. If I were you, I would keep to a daily klonopin regimen, and talk to your doc about a PRN for when you feel things are getting out of control. I wish you the best and good luck.
 
Jekyll and Hyde said:
Hey man, I didn't bother to read the previous posters, so I'm not sure this has been touched upon. I actually take the exact same meds as you with the addition of cogentin for my head twitches. I take 80mgs of Geodon at night and .5mg clonazopam twice daily. I feel best when I take my klonopin as prescribed, the only thing is I also have a PRN for when my anxiety gets out of control or if I have a panic attack. I take hydroxazine (vistaril, atirax), which is non narcotic and is an antihistamine with anti-anxiety effects. If I were you, I would keep to a daily klonopin regimen, and talk to your doc about a PRN for when you feel things are getting out of control. I wish you the best and good luck.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice, this sounds like a solid plan. Honestly, I'm probably not on enough Geodon. 40mg is a relatively low amount to be on from what i gather & i guess i probably mainly felt better the first couple weeks because of the klonopin since I'd previously been twitchy/losing it. Meds just need some tweaking..feeling a little better today
 
I've gotten to the point where my mother force feeds me the pills, whatever the fuck they are I don't remember, when I'm half-awake half-asleep during those rare moments I do daze off for a couple hours.

I'm so fucked up.
 
Cloudburst said:
I've gotten to the point where my mother force feeds me the pills, whatever the fuck they are I don't remember, when I'm half-awake half-asleep during those rare moments I do daze off for a couple hours.

I'm so fucked up.
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why don't you want to take them? you're still yourself..just takes the edge off of everything a little. I know the high points can seem worthwhile..but its totally worth the sacrifice to not feel like death during the low points.

Hope you're okay =/ PM me if you want to talk about anything over AIM or whatever IM..I'm all ears. goes to anyone else reading this aswell who may be suffering from this shitty disorder
 
I mean dude, I'm at the point where I can barely understand what you're saying. This is just not right...
 
Oic,

Being diagnosed as BP, 10 years ago, was possibly the best thing that happened to me, although it did take about 6mths for everything to settle. Now I take my meds, look after myself, have my spliff and an occasional conservative little treat of coke or similar. 10 years on and I've never had a major episode, the occasional little mood swing but that prevents the boredom setting in.

Write down your concerns before seeing the doc, persevere and have faith that bi-polar is very treatable.

Good luck
 
I'm finding that everyone loves me now, which just reinforces the mania. I am sure I'm doing completely stupid shit by accelerating the best aspects of me beyond the speed of light for it's beyond the comprehensibility of society to keep up with, which in turns has a reinforcing effect on me staying manic and giving me a cloud of confusion.

I wonder what it would be like to be Bipolar in a tribal culture. In some, they are quite revered....
 
oic said:
Thanks for the advice, this sounds like a solid plan. Honestly, I'm probably not on enough Geodon. 40mg is a relatively low amount to be on from what i gather & i guess i probably mainly felt better the first couple weeks because of the klonopin since I'd previously been twitchy/losing it. Meds just need some tweaking..feeling a little better today
Click to expand...

Even at my dosage I don't think I'm on enough of it. My next doctors appointment I'm going to ask if I can take an afternoon dose to compliment my evening dose, because I can start to feel it wear off around noon. Glad to hear your feeling better today man.
 
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