Mental Health Bipolar manic episode blew my car.

[Young_ile]

So I've been self medicating with medical marijuana for years. I had my first manic psychotic episode that landed me in the mental institute multiple times 5 years ago after an ecstasy binge. That's when I was diagnosed bipolar. I recently had another manic psychotic episode. Thought crazy things that I cannot explain that occurs during mania. Kept staring at the sun thinking I was a real God for example. I stupidly traded in my car, 2010 Audi s4, my dream car that I saved up for the past few years. I did a trade in lease and automatically lost probably 10k. I was out of my mind and thought I was somehow going to buy my car back. I am so upset that I lost my dream car during my mania. Because of that mistake I have quit smoking weed and cigarettes to avoid another manic episode. I am hoping the constant weed smoke induced the mania and I will always remember the stupid mistake I made in hopes to subdue any future manic episodes. I've only had manic episodes on either drugs or ecstasy so me now going sober I am hoping to avoid that hole for good. Currently getting out of my manic depressive phase and it literally has been hell on top of the weed and cigarette withdrawals. It has only been 2 weeks. I am still in pain from losing my dream car. Do u guys think that being sober from drugs and using this hurtful memory of losing my car that I saved years for will help me from future mania? I don't take medication, never really have. I've lived with a false sense of superiority for so long, I'm 26. Because of my recent manic episode I've fixed my relationship with my family and am looking forward to being a humble good human being. Has anybody done anything this stupid during mania? I guess I'm lucky I didn't lose a house and ended up on the streets. Hopefully I can use this painful memory as a reminder to keep my mind from going off track.

 

[herbavore]

That's a real shame about your car. I think it is reasonable that using that experience might help keep you motivated to stay on track--either with your meds if you take them or just being really aware of the signs that you are entering a manic phase. But that's the trouble with mania, right? You can't always know when you are starting to ride the wave. Do you have family members that you trust that can help reflect to you when they see the signs?

 

[Young_ile]

Yes I do. I'm 26 so still fairly young. I was not good with my family but after realizing all the mistakes I've made I have made it better with them. Because I lost my car I am now in good terms with family and that's much better then having it imo. I am not taking meds and have instead quit weed and cigarettes. I hope the marijuana was the trigger to my mania. I'm not sure because I still don't feel right. It could be from me needing meds or withdrawal from weed. Not sure. Very tough situation for me as it is difficult for me to get out of bed and have very low energy, on top of all the stupid things I did while manic. I hope I don't have a chemical imbalance in my brain I hope time will heal me but if I am bipolar then that is not good..

 

[herbavore]

It is scary to think about being bipolar but if that does turn out to be the case try to take heart. Many people manage being bipolar just fine--some with meds and some without. Like everything else about being human it comes down to knowing yourself and striving to manage what can be managed and accepting the rest with grace. Don't let yourself get discouraged by feeding the voice in you that feels shame over your behavior 9and makes you afraid to go outside into others scrutiny). Isolation will feed paranoia and paranoia is a horrible trap. Hold your head up and know that only the most hypocritical people will judge you harshly. Most people lack understanding of things simply because they haven't themselves experienced them--not because they are mean or want to cause harm. Those that are that way can be ignored hopefully.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Bipolar doesn't just go away FWIW.

 

[Young_ile]

Well I was self medicating with marijuana for quite some time. I want to think marijuana with me thinking wrongly about life led me to go on a rampage. I learned a huge lesson. I've been smoking weed heavily for 9 years and have stopped. I don't think I will have manic thoughts again. I want to live a stable normal life and I think I know how. I used to think a lot of crazy things in the past to make me feel better but I have laid the false thoughts to rest. I am very depressed right now due to my episode. What do you suggest I do?

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

I think it's great that you were able to quit weed on your own. I can't imagine how hard that must have been. And how hard it must have been to lose your dream car, oh my oh my. :/

I know you said that you didn't want to explore medication... but what about just seeing a therapist? They can help you explore what your triggers are.. and set up some alternative options/ coping strategies. Therapy is covered my insurance, 50 min ssn is usually $10-15.

 

[Young_ile]

4 weeks sober but I'm still facing excruciating depression in the mornings, I can't get out of bed/get up/get conscious. Don't know if it's the withdrawal or bipolar depression. I still feel the pain of losing my car, it was such a sweet ride T_T. Can't believe I went so crazy and traded in my car like an idiot! I did it so I can't be mad..just such a shame.