I haven't made up my mind yet as I'm still not sure what route I will take.
The sleep thing seriously surprised me when I made it like 7-8 days sleeping fine after the sub, and then for w/e reason I slowly and slowly started losing like an hour every night. Sub is a fucking cunt and I'm pretty sure even though I was on the lowest dose possible (.10mg) it still somehow managed to delay the actual begining of the paws.
That really pissed me off cause week 1 I felt perfectly fine and like I was in the clear. Now I'm averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night, sometimes 3, other nights 5. But usually around 4. This has been going on for like 10 to 11 days now. And I noticed when you don't sleep, it really helps aggravate anxiety levels.
I was ONLY able to make it through school today by dragging my ass to the school gym TWICE, and running a total of 7 fucking miles on like 4 hours sleep. I'm not really sure how I did it cause at points as I was running my eyes were actually getting heavy. The craziest feeling in the world to actually wanna sleep when you're running.
Anyway, the running managed to exhaust most of the anxiety before both classes. I made it through them pretty well. But I definitely feel if I didn't do that I would have been shakey and anxious as fuck going into class and could have prob had a nice little panic attack. I mean I cant run that much everyday I have school especially with the little sleep I'm getting. I basically put myself through hell before both classes so I could experience a little less hell during class. Did I mention yet how much I love opiates? haha. If opiates were a person I would tie them to a bed under a tub of battery acid. And I'd let the acid leak out drop by drop so it took about 6 months to fully kill and dissolve the pos. Thats seriously what paws almost feels like at times.
Like acid is slowly being fed into my body and I just feel toxic all the time.
I have mad respect for hamclamp and how far he has got me with some of the advice I've got from him in the past. So anything he says to do is something I will absolutely do. I actually just wasted about an hour and a half reading about tyrosine. They said it doesn't increase the mood in normal people, but for people who are stressed out or sick, they've collected significant data to prove that it DOES help in those situations.
I never realized how important tyrosine is. It makes dopamine, adrenaline, noradrenaline, and I was actually reading that pods synthesize morphine from tyrosine. It seems like the intermediate for a lot of neurotransmitters, so I'm sold on getting some.
I don't notice shit from b-vitamins but apparently they aid in the absorption of l-tyrosine, so I'll go back on b-vitamins and get the tyrosine tommorow.
And I might as well get the 5-htp too, and maybe some melatonin cause I've heard that mentioned in other threads.
I usually don't have faith in vitamins but at this point I'm willing to try anything. I still get crazy sensations in my skin, the occasional hot flash, goosebumps and sneezing has been out of control, cripping anxiety for w/e reason the second I wake up. And I notice it slowly gets less and less till night time (I would expect it to be the other way around which is weird). I can usually fall asleep now pretty fast, but my body always springs awake in like 4 hours. Then I usually lay there pissed off trying to go back to sleep.. which never works.
And wtf, does anyone here get hotflashes as part of their paws? It really seems like part of my acute phase never completely stopped.
As far as the meds I am a bit scared like hammy said. The problem with ssris is if you have a bad reaction, stopping the meds doesn't make that reaction stop immediately. I'm worried of having a bad reaction, stopping, then having the anxiety run through school. I'd be a mess if that happened.
And in response to hemp I truely believe at this point in my life that pyschiatrists/drs are a waste of time. You have no idea how many times I've been fucked by a doctor in the past putting me on meds while not having a single fucking clue what they were doing. Medical drs and psychiatrists DO NOT get trained for psychosocial factors. All they learn in graduate/med school is biology/chemistry.
Not to mention self medicating for the most part as been better than being a pawn/guinea pig to some idiot who doesn't know a single thing about addiction nor psychology.
So I'll give the supp route a shot first and see if that does anything.
Thanks everyone, the support is very much appreciated.
(I should note my typing has largely deteriorated since the taper so if its annoying its just the paws, and by "deteriorated" I mean my ability to write creatively)
