Best of Bluelight: Your All Time Favourite Bluelight Posts

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I've read some fucking hilarious posts on here over the years, so let this be a thread for us to share the joy of our all time favourite BL posts. Let's try to provide a bit of context/ a link to the post if necessary.

In response to the 'awkward acid moments you've had' thread. I fucking love this post.

the university i attend (actually, the town it's in) has a particularly huge halloween party every year. two of my friends and I dropped. it came time to go out into the madness. we called some friend, he gave us directions to a house, we walked there. When we arrived, there was no party at the house and it looked empty. we called the friend and he didn't answer. front door was unlocked, so we decided to just go in. we wandered around the house; no one on the main floor, no one upstairs, no beer in the fridge. where the fuck are we? suddenly, we decide maybe we shouldn't be inside this house. as we open the front door to walk outside, a pizza man is about to knock on the door. obviously this lead to an awkward situation. we tried to explain to this pizza man that, despite the fact he just saw us walk out the front door, we did not live at or have any association with this house, we did not know who lived there but they are not home, and we didn't know anything about a pizza. we must not have seemed like we knew what was going on, because he just stared at us for a second (maybe said something i couldn't understand) and then proceeded to knock on the door we just walked out of. because we had not decided on an alternative destination, we just sat down on the swing seat on the porch and made phone calls as the pizza man waited for no one to answer the door, called wherever he works to ask about the address, knocked again, etc. We left before he did, but the time we spent with him on the porch was quite uncomfortable. oh yea, we were a dressed as a drug smuggling mexican, oscar the grouch, and raoul duke during this encounter.

still to this day, we have no idea where we were and why no one else was there.

i feel like this story does not capture the confusion and paranoia involved in the situation, but i cannot describe exactly what was going through our heads. just imagine being in the depths of an acid trip, realizing the possibility that you had just unlawfully entered and explored some random persons' house, and there being a man at the door when you're trying to make your exit. awkward.

Contrary to the statement in the last paragraph, I think hydro more than adequately captured the confusion and paranoia involved in the situation, which is exactly why I love it. I mean come on man, who couldn't love this:

because we had not decided on an alternative destination, we just sat down on the swing seat on the porch and made phone calls as the pizza man waited for no one to answer the door, called wherever he works to ask about the address, knocked again, etc. We left before he did, but the time we spent with him on the porch was quite uncomfortable. oh yea, we were a dressed as a drug smuggling mexican, oscar the grouch, and raoul duke during this encounter.

Congrats hydroazuanacaine, this is 100% my all time favourite post on bluelight.

More to come, & be sure to post your own.

 

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Just saw this one tonight, and I dare say I did a little chortle.

From the thread Anyone close to me. Op stated where they lived, and asked if they had any neighbours. This was MDPV_Psychosis's response.

Best way to find out is to go outside your home and knock on the doors of the dwellings immediately to the right and left of yours. If they open the door then you kindly Introduce yourself.

Hopefully your neighbors are cool. They may even invite you over for their next barbeque or something.

Good luck

 

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Keif' Richards on why he loves meth, here.

I can't help but read this in those kind of hick accents in South Park episode where they lose internet access, so decide to "head out Californee way" and end up at some kind of internet refugee camp... "might even click on a pop-up ad just for the heck of it".

Why do I enjoy Meth so much? Well, I guess that story starts way back in my childhood. Gather 'round chilluns, cause Kief' is gonna spin y'all a yarn. You see, it was summertime in rural Maine. It had been an unseasonably hot July and we all cherished those warm days, slowly leading into balmy summer evenings. We all would run around the front yard playing tag, and when the sun went down, we would spend the evenings collecting both fireflies and mosquito bites. It was a simpler time back then... 1876. My sister, Scout and I would often take trips into town with our Grandpappy. We would stroll leisurely passed Boo Radley's house, with its decrepit, unkempt exterior and old rickety tire swing in the front yard, the house filled us with a sense of childish wonderment... and fear.

Every time we would walk into town, our Grandpappy would bring us to the general store run by my two gay uncles, John Wayne Gacy and Val Kilmer dressed as Batman. Here is where was produced Augusta's best kept secret, its famous, homemade rock candy. Our granddad would leave us at the general store with a cute, mini-zip-lock of said rock candy and would disappear into Augusta's red-light district, typically for several days at a time. My sister, Scout and I would spend those days and nights, talking, talking, talking; reenacting select scenes from Batman with my uncle Val. We would all just much on rock candy all night. Hell, the candy was so good, we wouldn't eat or sleep or even drink water! Ah, to be a child again. It was during these sleepless nights that Scout and I first described the dance-move, the Augusta Liebkind.

(Falls on the floor and flails uncontrollably for 8 counts)

Well, one thing led to another, and Scout ended up prostituting herself in Portland for 5c a throw or the equivalent quantity of rock candy. Meanwhile, I had a successful business creating rock candy in 2 liter soda bottles using chemicals that I, to this day, steal from that very same Wal Mart that I used to frequent as a kid. Oh wait, did I not mention Wal Mart already? Does anyone have any rock candy? Just a taste? Just a taste?

 

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originally posted by scrofula

Remember this moment, MadMike. You're right on that thinnest of thresholds, between shiny-eyed new shooter enjoying his rush, and the grizzled tweaker who knows what's really going on.

Some people will tell you that's how life is, that repeated exposure just takes the sparkle out of things, so that what was once a rush becomes more like just getting kinda dizzy. You'll soon learn just how naive these people are. Unless they're in on it.

The sharp tweaker knows you don't get the exact same rush as your first with every hit, batch after batch, for twenty years, because the government and cartels have been swapping it out with ISO. There hasn't even been any dope in your bindles in the last five years. Soon the dope on the streets will be so cut with ISO, it'll absorb and destroy any nearby traces of REAL stuff, making it negative purity!

I'm only grizzled, I haven't reached that higher realm of telepathic wisdom, so I don't know why exactly the cartels or government are doing this, but give me some time. I'll fill you in

This one by scrof in that same thread is pretty great too, but keif's love of rock candy is definitely my personal favorite.