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Benzos, Ambien > Self Mutilation???

hydrocondor

hydrocondor

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Nov 2, 2010
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Somewhere Near Barstow...
This is probably pretty weird, but I want to know if anyone experiences the same things as me. Usually, when I take Ambien or some sort of benzo (Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin, etc.) I end up having thoughts about hurting myself, (not like suicide, just little things).

I often end up acting on these impulses, and have cut myself, and broken a bone in my hand, and things like that. It's really weird, because I'm not depressed when I do it, I just feel like seeing myself bleed, and the attention that comes from the injury. This is really embarrassing for me to explain, even on a forum, but I figure that this would be the best place for info/ideas.

Mods-I wasn't sure if this should be in TDS, so I'll leave it up to you to decide.
Thanks,
-Hydrocondor
 
I would think that these impulses are already in you and taking drugs that produce a substantial amount of disinhibition allows you to feel comfortable enough for these thoughts and feelings to surface and given your state, you're willing to act on them.

I don't think this is just some side-effect that the drugs themselves produce.
 
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I agree with cane, makes sense. Although Captain still has a good point, i wonder if all GABA's would make this happen regardless of how much they lowered inhibitions.
 
self mutilation, suicidal ideation, depression, etc have all been recorded side effects of certain GABAergics. especially in the benzos initially mentioned. a minority of users are going to experience these feelings otherwise they wouldn't be so widely prescribed.

i agree with cane that they were likely predisposed to those feeling and being inhibited he felt comfortable to carry through with the actions. i've experienced this before.
 
Self-mutilation is often a way of expressing our pain when we don't know how to do so any other way. Maybe you are trying to communicate something to the world and it is only after using these drugs that you feel able to.


Are there other ways you can express yourself? Talking, or maybe writing your emotions out? We all need a way to express ourselves, it might as well be something therapeutic rather than harmful.
 
I had similar thoughts all the time when I took a lot of benzos and z-drugs, but I can't say it was the lorazepam or zopiclone which caused me to have these thoughts because I usually combined it with many other drugs.

I didn't act on the suicidal impulses (physically, that is, but I decided to destroy myself on the inside). I began acting on the homicidal ones. Getting 'high' on Ambien (or Lunesta in my case, a similar drug) kills my self-control. The first many months, my highly dangerous drug abuse was almost always triggered by getting high on zopiclone (this would happen a lot less if I just took diphenhydramine, alcohol, or lorazepam), but I always went for the zop early on. Like some people say, you'll eat everything if you stay up and get stoned on Ambien.

It could be worse for me, but this is a serious issue which doctors don't make clear enough. Zopiclone abuse absolutely destroys your self-control, especially in combination with other downers. Zopiclone > lorazepam > alcohol for loss of self-control. But this may be too personal.

p.s. those drugs raised my attention whoring to unprecedented levels.
 
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Yep. Benzos are bad news for me. If it's not about hurting myself, it's about being out of control aggressive and impulsive to most people around me. Same with alcohol.
 
Any psychotropic can potentially cause odd acting out in a few individuals at certain times. Benzos and ambien do it often enough for many more people almost to the point that it could be called a usual or frequent effect.

Longer acting benzos seem to cause acting out less frequently by my observation. Mixing other drugs particularly alcohol with benzos and z drugs magnifies the likelihood and intensity of acting out in my opinion a lot.
 
Intrestingly enough, I do not get these impulses from drinking alcohol. I never have suicidal thoughts, but these self-harm thoughts happen almost every time i take benzos or ambien. I don't feel angry or depressed, I just feel like damaging my body. Two nights ago at a party I took way to many ambien, and ended up hitting my hand with a hammer and breaking a few bones. It's really quite weird.
I think that some of the self harm comes out the possibility of getting painkillers for the injury, as well as the fact that I will get attention for having some nasty cut or broken bone. It's embarrassing for me to admit all this, because it seems really weird. But thanks for all the Ideas
-hydrocondor
 
Benzos are my favorite drug. I tolerate them well and don't feel the need to abuse them. Z-Drugs on the other hand fuck me up more so the any other drug. I have self mutilated numerous time on Ambien, and from what I can remember when I've done it it was not because I was trying to express or inflict pain but because, in my dissociation, I was trying to dissect myself. Once, after injecting (20) Ambien I awoke (two days later) with nearly a hundred injection points and completely bruised arms. I remember the syringe clogging but continuing to stick myself over and over whether there was a vein there or not.
 
Ambien has a strong dissociating effect on me as well, to the point of being completely reckless.

One hot night I took some Ambien to help me sleep, and it was so hot and uncomfortable out that I couldn't even sleep with the Zolpidem in my system. So I ended up getting out of bed and watching TV.

In my inebriated state I thought it would be a good idea to cut my pants off with my sharpest and biggest hunting knife, you know to cool off, makes total sense right, haha?

Basically I made short-shorts out of my jeans with a hunting knife while still wearing them! I would never have done this kind of borderline self-destructive/reckless behavior without taking Ambien. I mean I had a blade less than an inch from my "soft parts" FFS. Fortunately I didn't cut myself at all, but I could be a damn eunuch right now.
 
hydrocondor said:
Intrestingly enough, I do not get these impulses from drinking alcohol. I never have suicidal thoughts, but these self-harm thoughts happen almost every time i take benzos or ambien. I don't feel angry or depressed, I just feel like damaging my body. Two nights ago at a party I took way to many ambien, and ended up hitting my hand with a hammer and breaking a few bones. It's really quite weird.
I think that some of the self harm comes out the possibility of getting painkillers for the injury, as well as the fact that I will get attention for having some nasty cut or broken bone. It's embarrassing for me to admit all this, because it seems really weird. But thanks for all the Ideas
-hydrocondor
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Dont be embarrassed. Its a very good thing you are expressing these concerns. If you are injuring yourself in order to seek narcotics for the injury than you have a substance abuse problem. Which is very common and can be worked through. If you are doing it for the attention it may be a more serious problem. Either or, I would suggest you seek mental health counseling and let them know your concerns and work if from there. Cognitive Behavior Therapy is a great therapeutic choice from what you've described. Keep us posted and be safe. You don't want to seriously hurt yourself physically, mentally, and financially with all those hospital bills. Keep posting but seek professional advice.
 
I totally understand and its not wierd I was on high dose of xanax and when I mean high dose I was taking anywhere from 11-30 1mg's a day and I ended up wanting to hurt myself also I tried to break my hand numbers of times and use to take hammers or hard objects and bash my legs knees I've burnt my arms and have cut my arms so many times I cant count and I also didnt feel depressed it was not only the attention but it was like it felt good.. So dont feel ashamed I was there in the same spot. I've been sober from xanax since march 2010 and now that I'm not on them the urge to mutalate myself has subsided.. I wish you the best of luck and hope all turns out well for you.. But just for a piece of mind your not alone with those feelings on those drugs..
 
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