thisismylife
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2018
- Messages
- 29
I just got out of an inpatient rehab on Friday after almost four weeks of hell, and now I know what was going on after reading the other thread about kindling. I really went to this facility for anxiety, but their policy is no benzos while there because it will dull your emotions, getting in the way of the therapeutic work, so they immediately switched me from Xanax to Librium the first day I was there. The prior two weeks to admitting, I kept track of every Xanax I took, because it varied every day. My average was 1.25 mg/day, with .5 of that coming at bedtime. The medical provider (supposedly an addictions doctor; I had passive suicidal ideation and was followed by a behavioral tech around the clock for at least the first week) at the facility told me they were actually starting me with a higher equivalent of Librium, but then did a taper every 3-4 days, so I was off of all benzos within 2.5 weeks. Yea, now I know... too fast. During this time, I was barely able to participate in any of the program, either. Cognitive functioning sucked and I developed diarrhea a week into the taper. One night it was so bad, I had to go to an ER to get rehydrated; all my electrolytes were off, too, so they had to supplement with potassium, but then they sent me back to the rehab facility (which technically is considered a hospital but they aren't equipped to deal with dehydration other than give me Gatorade). After almost three weeks of trying to participate in the program and spending 90% of every day absolutely miserable (nerves throughout my body felt electrified, I felt like I was walking during an earthquake, etc.), and they weren't too anxious to get at the root of the diarrhea, I called my H to come pick me up. He gave me a .5mg. Xanax immediately on Friday afternoon, then I took another .5 mg pill Saturday afternoon. Interestingly, yesterday morning I had my first solid stool in three weeks and my anxiety was very, very tolerable, so I didn't take any Xanax. I woke up this morning, immediately having to go to the bathroom and the loose stools are back, three of them already this morning, and back to the feeling my nerves are electrified like they felt when I discharged on Friday. I took .5mg of Xanax and am waiting for it to kick in. I have put a call into my GI doc and she will be able to see me this week. All the stool cultures and blood work I had done came back negative. But the diarrhea was so bad that, the night I came back from the ER, and the following night, I soiled myself in my sleep. And because I had no abdominal cramping, I had little notice of when I'd have to go to the bathroom, and I had several mild instances of bowel incontinence during the day. I was horrified. All they did was provide me with some Depends.
This is the humility part. I never knew what kindling was until I read about it here late last night. Three times in my life I was on Xanax for extended periods of time, meaning six months or more, but taking it mostly PRN. The first time, back over 20 years ago, when the crisis that instigated the Xanax use went away, on my own, I just started feeling better, and within a few weeks, was free of Xanax, with no withdrawal symptoms. I know in hindsight that was probably very odd compared to most people's detox. Then back in 2012, I went to another inpatient rehab facility and they weaned me off of Xanax, but it was a bit less difficult; I definitely had symptoms, but nothing like this time around, and I don't remember any diarrhea. Less than a year later, though, I was back on Xanax, again, never taking more than 1.5 mg. per day of the extended release. I ended up going inpatient on a psych ward at a teaching hospital because I was also having passive suicidal ideation. I had 12 sessions of ECT, the depression lifted, and within a few weeks, just like the first time I was on Xanax long-term, I just slowly came off it when, each day, I'd wake up and realize it was an hour or so later that my anxiety was ramping up than the day before, so I cut back over a few weeks and had no physical issues coming off it. It was incredibly easy and intuitive. However, while in the hospital, they attempted to ramp up my Zoloft use really quickly to help address the depression, and evidently doing so can cause microscopic colitis (they did a colonoscopy to confirm). As soon as they backed off the Zoloft, the loose stools went away.
I suspect this time was worse because they were NOT giving me the Librium equivalent of Xanax, despite telling me they were giving more. H and I googled it on Saturday, and the Librium equivalent to an average of 1.25mg Xanax was 60 mg. and they started me at either 30mg or 45mg (am waiting to get my medical records), then tapered every 3-4 days. The first week was an absolute blur and horror; I remember very little. The second week I'd have an occasional few hours in the day that was tolerable, but most of the time I'd have to spend it in my room with my eyeshades on, and and iPod, listening to nature sounds. I could never sleep during the day, although I was physically depleted beyond exhaustion. And of course, I could never really get anything out of the program that I went there for... PTSD. They did try to mitigate some of my symptoms with Trazadone to sleep and Inderal (a beta blocker)... 10 mg. twice a day. But when I talked to my internist, he said 20 mgs. a day of Inderal is nothing. He said when they start someone on it to control high blood pressure, the starting does is around 80 mg./day. And yes, days I was there, my BP was really, really high.
I was so disheartened to wake up today to more loose stools and massive anxiety. The inpatient facility wanted to start me on Entocort, but it wasn't delivered until Friday when I left, so I brought it home with me. I called my internist on Saturday to tell him everything that had happened. He was furious that this facility did not consult him or my psychiatrist at home about me or my Xanax use, and he said he'd never put anyone on Entocort without some sort of imaging that showed evidence of some sort of colitis. He thinks it was unethical for them to complete the Librium taper in 2.5 weeks, that it was too fast. My H, who has worked as a scientist in major pharma until retiring a month ago, did some more googling and discovered the Ashton manual. This did NOTHING like that... it was way too fast, and now I'm afraid I'm being punished for it. I emailed with my psychiatrist on Saturday and she told me to take whatever Xanax I needed (she knows I will never take any more than is needed to relieve my anxiety) until I see her this week.
The other outstanding complication is that we are in the process of relocating from the midwest to the LA area. H was already in LA when I asked him to pick me up. But we are going back to the midwest tomorrow so I can see all my providers; then we will drive my car back here; right now, the only car we have is H's and he needs it to get to work. I don't have a psychiatrist here yet, but we are working on that. One of H's co-workers has a connection with someone high up in the psychiatry department at the UCLA medical center and is willing to make a referral for us.
So for those who have tapered, did you have GI issues like this?
This is the humility part. I never knew what kindling was until I read about it here late last night. Three times in my life I was on Xanax for extended periods of time, meaning six months or more, but taking it mostly PRN. The first time, back over 20 years ago, when the crisis that instigated the Xanax use went away, on my own, I just started feeling better, and within a few weeks, was free of Xanax, with no withdrawal symptoms. I know in hindsight that was probably very odd compared to most people's detox. Then back in 2012, I went to another inpatient rehab facility and they weaned me off of Xanax, but it was a bit less difficult; I definitely had symptoms, but nothing like this time around, and I don't remember any diarrhea. Less than a year later, though, I was back on Xanax, again, never taking more than 1.5 mg. per day of the extended release. I ended up going inpatient on a psych ward at a teaching hospital because I was also having passive suicidal ideation. I had 12 sessions of ECT, the depression lifted, and within a few weeks, just like the first time I was on Xanax long-term, I just slowly came off it when, each day, I'd wake up and realize it was an hour or so later that my anxiety was ramping up than the day before, so I cut back over a few weeks and had no physical issues coming off it. It was incredibly easy and intuitive. However, while in the hospital, they attempted to ramp up my Zoloft use really quickly to help address the depression, and evidently doing so can cause microscopic colitis (they did a colonoscopy to confirm). As soon as they backed off the Zoloft, the loose stools went away.
I suspect this time was worse because they were NOT giving me the Librium equivalent of Xanax, despite telling me they were giving more. H and I googled it on Saturday, and the Librium equivalent to an average of 1.25mg Xanax was 60 mg. and they started me at either 30mg or 45mg (am waiting to get my medical records), then tapered every 3-4 days. The first week was an absolute blur and horror; I remember very little. The second week I'd have an occasional few hours in the day that was tolerable, but most of the time I'd have to spend it in my room with my eyeshades on, and and iPod, listening to nature sounds. I could never sleep during the day, although I was physically depleted beyond exhaustion. And of course, I could never really get anything out of the program that I went there for... PTSD. They did try to mitigate some of my symptoms with Trazadone to sleep and Inderal (a beta blocker)... 10 mg. twice a day. But when I talked to my internist, he said 20 mgs. a day of Inderal is nothing. He said when they start someone on it to control high blood pressure, the starting does is around 80 mg./day. And yes, days I was there, my BP was really, really high.
I was so disheartened to wake up today to more loose stools and massive anxiety. The inpatient facility wanted to start me on Entocort, but it wasn't delivered until Friday when I left, so I brought it home with me. I called my internist on Saturday to tell him everything that had happened. He was furious that this facility did not consult him or my psychiatrist at home about me or my Xanax use, and he said he'd never put anyone on Entocort without some sort of imaging that showed evidence of some sort of colitis. He thinks it was unethical for them to complete the Librium taper in 2.5 weeks, that it was too fast. My H, who has worked as a scientist in major pharma until retiring a month ago, did some more googling and discovered the Ashton manual. This did NOTHING like that... it was way too fast, and now I'm afraid I'm being punished for it. I emailed with my psychiatrist on Saturday and she told me to take whatever Xanax I needed (she knows I will never take any more than is needed to relieve my anxiety) until I see her this week.
The other outstanding complication is that we are in the process of relocating from the midwest to the LA area. H was already in LA when I asked him to pick me up. But we are going back to the midwest tomorrow so I can see all my providers; then we will drive my car back here; right now, the only car we have is H's and he needs it to get to work. I don't have a psychiatrist here yet, but we are working on that. One of H's co-workers has a connection with someone high up in the psychiatry department at the UCLA medical center and is willing to make a referral for us.
So for those who have tapered, did you have GI issues like this?