- Joined
- Aug 9, 2022
- Messages
- 5,822
I am somewhat positive this woman is very interested in me. There is something about those eye contacts. And engaging into conversation whenever possible.
The thing is, I am afraid of that. For several reasons, like having to explain how I am fucking lunatic. I can not deal with seeing some human regularly and not explaining what is wrong so they could not be hurt for something they have no explanation to. This would obviously be achy process.
But most of all, I don't see any obvious signs of substance abuse disorder or history of that. And I am just fine with exposing them to use of MDMA and LSD and weed and stuff. But then, I also do stuff like benzos and opis and sometimes amphetamine too. And some of my friends do, too. And I can't really see myself completely turning my back to that.
I wouldn't ever take responsibility of that, people make their own decisions, but I know how insidious some of these drugs are, and if I care about this dude, I wouldn't want them to one day normalizing the use in their mind and one day just asks for dose of my oxy or something-which I would not deny from them, because in the end, I let people do their decisions themselves and I can not see it functioning relationship if I allow myself different things than to them.
And while that would not necessarily lead to the darkness which is, rightly so, associated to drug addiction, getting to know how good opioids can potentially feel and then being regularly around with human who does them, there is just so high risk of them starting something completely unnecessary and unhealthy hobby in their life.
I know it won't always go that way. I have friend, of over ten years, and he has only single time taken from me one methylphenidate pill in the beginning of our relationship. Only other drugs I've made them take are shrooms, acid, MDMA, weed and alcohol. He categorically rejects all the dark stuff. Every single time.
The thing is, I am afraid of that. For several reasons, like having to explain how I am fucking lunatic. I can not deal with seeing some human regularly and not explaining what is wrong so they could not be hurt for something they have no explanation to. This would obviously be achy process.
But most of all, I don't see any obvious signs of substance abuse disorder or history of that. And I am just fine with exposing them to use of MDMA and LSD and weed and stuff. But then, I also do stuff like benzos and opis and sometimes amphetamine too. And some of my friends do, too. And I can't really see myself completely turning my back to that.
I wouldn't ever take responsibility of that, people make their own decisions, but I know how insidious some of these drugs are, and if I care about this dude, I wouldn't want them to one day normalizing the use in their mind and one day just asks for dose of my oxy or something-which I would not deny from them, because in the end, I let people do their decisions themselves and I can not see it functioning relationship if I allow myself different things than to them.
And while that would not necessarily lead to the darkness which is, rightly so, associated to drug addiction, getting to know how good opioids can potentially feel and then being regularly around with human who does them, there is just so high risk of them starting something completely unnecessary and unhealthy hobby in their life.
I know it won't always go that way. I have friend, of over ten years, and he has only single time taken from me one methylphenidate pill in the beginning of our relationship. Only other drugs I've made them take are shrooms, acid, MDMA, weed and alcohol. He categorically rejects all the dark stuff. Every single time.