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Banging dilaudid

C

closeau

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 15, 2012
Messages
1,143
Location
Durham, N.C.
This Dark Side category is great for this. For last 3 weeks I've been shooting my Dilaudid. Usually 3 times a day the other 3 I take orally. I have tiny veins and my arm is impossible so I've been using my hands and wrists. Hit my ankles a few times but I guess utting my body weight on them make them hurt and I'm limping around. <snip>I know the path I'm on is wrong and I do feel bad but nobody knows and I had to get it out. My hands aren't as bad as you may think. I coat them with neosporin so there not too bad. I know a lot of people shoot their pills but I never thought I would with my veins. Now I'm chasing that perfect shot last night. Right now I love it and I look forward to it. Had to get that off my chest. If you can relate please feel free to post but no criticism please. I'm just gonna ignore that shit anyway. Maybe I put this in wrong category. I mean I love it but I do feel really bad about it. Probably cause for the last 9 yrs I've been in and out of AA so I have some recovery knowledge under my belt and good thing is if this gets out of hand I have places go. I'm never going thru Withdrawl alone again. I just know when I shoot it I get what I want and need, pain relief and a buzz, even if it's short. So, that's it. My deep dark secret&#55357;&#56876;
 
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Actually, TDS is not a good place for this before my edit. Glorifying drug use or descriptions of drug use that are triggering to people trying to limit or stop their own is not allowed for obvious reasons. I've edited out the triggering parts of your post for this reason. I'm not closing the thread because I feel like you are on the fence and maybe some support (not criticism) will help you listen to your own voice which is coming through loud and clear, to me at least. That voice is saying that not one good thing but some temporary pleasure is going to come of this. If I were you, I would listen. You don't need anyone else to tell you this, you have sprinkled it throughout your post. What pain is it relieving?
 
Herbivore, I did not intend to glorify it and you're right, I'm on the fence but I thought the dark side was a good place to put it. I guess I was wrong and I do apologize. I've been on here about a month and I shoulda put in in drug discussions or something. I sure wouldn't want anyone to read what I wrote and go do it. I do have experience in recovery that's why I'm at a dark place right now. But I won't go on and on. To anybody out there thinking about getting heavier into use, don't. It only leads to misery and often death. I want to thank her score for straighting me out and I've learned a lesson from this. Thank you!!
 
^Hey closeau, no worries. I hope that TDS can lend support to you as you feel out where you want to go with this. The needle has become its own addiction to many people here and I would not want you to feel like you can't discuss that. You just have to be sure that in discussing it, you are being careful of not using triggering descriptions. <3
 
I'm new here, so I don't want to come across as condescending or an asshole, but if you think you have recovery knowledge now, come back in a year and tell me how much more you have learned. I promise you, if there is anyway to stop.... entertain the idea. It's a dark road and will leave you begging for mercy. Good luck my friend.
 
Thank you....I think? I didn't mean to brag about my recovery knoweledge but I know it's coming in handy now. I've stopped doing what I shouldn't be doing and I've returned to meetings. I broke down and told my sponser the other night and he was cool about it. I'm going to NA too with a friend. If I didn't have all those years of recovery in me I woulda kept going, crash and burned, went to detox and on and on. I've been in AA so long I hate to switch but I went to NA meeting last night and it was really cool, I can't bring up my problem in AA, not around here cause it has nothing to do with drinking. Anyway, I know what your saying and thanks for the wishes
 
Shooting Dilaudid-I remember-I didn't come out of the bedroom-except to use the bathroom of course, for 3 days. I shot in my wrists too. By God's grace it has healed. And my track aren't noticeable.

It's strange, one of the sentences I read has me almost in tears. It was what you said about your ankles hurting...I went through that. The day I went to a financial advisor, I was limping in agony from shooting in my ankles...I signed a check for an insane amount of money to be deposited...and it still left an incredible amount of money in my checking account. That is all long gone...all of it.

It was a gorgeous day....I was with one of my bestfriends that had no idea I was using. We went out to lunch. It was an amazing feeling having that money. So after that amazing day...I woke up at around 3am, and had heroin from the day before...and used it.

You didn't trigger me closeau....I understand. Just made me reflective, and wish with all of my heart, I could go back to that time and make different decisions. And wish I had my underlying issues handled...fuck. So after that incredible day...I ended up on a run, blew all of my money and ended up in jail. Now, I'm trying to rebuild my life.

You struck a chord in me closeau....I want to give you a hug. I get it.
 
Thanks stargazer. I appreciate that. I don't wanna trigger I wanna help. I'm still fighting it but been to a few meetings and it's getting better. Thank you for your post. Means a lot and could make a difference today.
 
God, this shit sucks lol. You'll be alright. Your post is something that lives inside of me...and I have to deal with. And, it is not easy as you well know. I wish you the very best closeau.
 
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