Mental Health Bad anxiety. Can get meds but scared of addiction.

[purplehaze147]

I'm a 19 year old male who weighs 125lbs. I have really bad social and general anxiety, I've been suffering with it since I was a kid. I had a rough abusive childhood. I get tense, muscle spasms, extremely sweaty cold hands, tremors, inverted, anti-social, fear of starting a conversation about anything except drugs, mind races, and I get nervous when a girl gives me a compliment or anyone really but it's worse when I girl tells me I'm cute or something and that happens a lot lol.

I'm prescribed zaleplon for sleep but lately I've been using it in social situations and its a god send but I don't get enough as I only get 1 10mg capsule a day and I also have insomnia related to anxiety.

The only med I get for anxiety is zanaflex, a muscle relaxer but that doesn't do much. I've been thinking that I really want to get etiozolam but the fact that it's cheap and uncontrolled makes me worry I might get a bad addiction. I have a slightly addictive personality, I beat a heroin addiction and occasionally go in stim binges. I also can't stop smoking cigs and drinking coffee in the morning.

Is it safe if I take 1mg tabs prn style only when needed and definitely at bed time? I value my brain, I get called a genius like every day by different people. I've heard benzos can slow down cognitive functioning and cause short term memory loss. I take adderall so hopefully a combo would knockout the side effects from both meds.

I'm going to college in January full time and I think the benifits might outweight it tho cuz if I'm anxious I can't pay attention, can't talk to people like I would like to would lead to me not having fun, which would lead to depression and getting less work done, then my grades start to go, then I drop out. I need to do really good I'm prayin for scholarships to Rutgers. I wanna become a chemist or doctor.

I have a fear I'll be taking like 20mg a day after a while. I've never been thru benzo withdraw but I've experienced the tolerance build up. I kno there's other meds I can use for anxiety, feel free to suggest any, but etizolam appeals to me the most.

 

[shaddi]

its weird that im able to relate with quite a few people here, or at least i think i can. i used to keep my head down in class, in high school. like on the desk. had hair to my shoulders (im a guy as well). literally you could not see my face. had glasses, considered myself ugly. was bullied and teased as a young kid. had a rough childhood as well (no abuse, but OCD mother, (she still is) with a lot of strict rules). no need for me to get into my childhood details as i dont think they are too relevant, but i did feel completely different from everyone else, like im some fucking weirdo/freak/loser, which you are probably feeling yourself.

So let me just say, we are all human. We are all the similar, we are all have the similar worries and anxietys and stress. But some hide it better. There are ppl out there with much worse anxiety than you (not saying your anxiety isnt bad enough, im saying be thankful for what you have now and the fact that it could be worse). Be thankful that girls are complimenting you, because that's more than what I get lol

Fast forwarding, I have almost no social anxiety now (except in general, i dont like meeting new people, i dont speak out much in class. i dont talk to strangers much at all.) i have no problem talking to my friends and people i know, including girls. my mentality: i try to detach myself a little from this life, (and think about the next one, sorry throwing some religious beliefs in but I have to with everyone I talk to. Praying of course helps, and meditation). I do this especially when I'm feeling anxious/worried about something, I just remind myself that how others judge me really doesn't matter whatsoever. In fact it makes me feel better that someone is low enough to judge me. i'm more resistant to it because ive been thru it, so you're just getting stronger by all of this in the process. It's sometimes best to even say to yourself: "I really hope these people are judging me" and then u can throw in "because i'm not judging them" or "if they are, they aren't even real people" once u get more advanced u can trick yourself into ways of thinking, you just gotta believe what ur telling yourself.

im not sure what ultimately made me get over anxiety. I would have trouble walking through crowds of people, thinking everyone is staring at me and intensely judging me (quite paranoid.). now im bored in crowds lol. i do admit the first time i prob smoked, it made me change my viewpoints a lot, and killed my anxiety quite a bit. i can see u've already done heroin , so you already know what drugs are like, (ive never done that), but obv id suggest saying no to drugs, u can get over this in other ways.

go for a run, that will kill anxiety, (yes temporarly, but the endorphins do last a while). always after a run i feel like really chilled out and high, (its literaly just endorphins doing their thing). id suggest this for a start. start to get into shape and feel more confident about yourself. set reasonable goals and start reaching them. do what makes you happy. depression and anxiety go hand and hand. ive had both (was diagnosed w/ anxiety, depression, ocd thinking, and paranoia). i took pills for it all. but ultimately its not what really what u want/what i think u need

u need to re-evalulate yourself. write down your thoughts, go to walks. and EXPOSURE THEORY, start facing your fears a little. the one time u feel like making a little excuse for not doing something that will make you anxious, just do it anyways to prove to yourself that you can do it.

"I also can't stop smoking cigs and drinking coffee in the morning. " Well thats a big one. stop cigs because that makes anyone and everyone on edge, always. STOP SMOKING CIGS i cant stress that. stop drinking too if you're doing that too. stop all drugs PLEASE. coffee is okay! but it CAN make you anxious! Try as an experiment a few days without it! I actually prefer black tea, it seems like a smoother, more focused high

stop using meds because i honestly dont think u need them, and they can lead you down a dangerous path. also i failed college when i was in that sort of anxious/depressed state, so maybe hold off on it for a year. get a job, even one that forces u to talk to people, or at least be around people. ull be so busy and happy that you're making money that u wont really think about the anxiety. its all about distracting yourself and stay productive/busy/happy. stop talking about drugs if u dont want to, find new hobbies/things to talk about (maybe youtube gives u new ideas/things to talk about). small talk is okay. once u say a small little thing, they say a small little thing that they can relate to, even if its just about the weather. then the conversation just keeps going. an idea builds and builds and builds and goes back and forth the more people u have into a skyscraper of an idea, or conversation, all just talking about how funny that tree looks, suddenly you're talking for 4 hours about everything. it always happens like that, just gotta believe it. (just like how maybe i was going to make a shorter response that I actually wrote down, for EVERY response that i've written in the past hour or so lol). just know u have nothing to lose by opening up a little, letting loose a bit, being yourself, being a bit confident. i know those words scare you. but it can be done. i got thru it somehow. start writing stuff down and walk about outside feel the fresh air and the presence of others, and it may come to you. you may know the process already, so just work on it kid

 

[missmeyet?]

/\..just based on what the OP stated in his post how can you possibly tell him to stop taking his meds, that you don't think he needs them? Not to be contrary but I think it is a bad idea to give that advice based on his info...you don't even know why he takes meds!

 

[shaddi]

/\..just based on what the OP stated in his post how can you possibly tell him to stop taking his meds, that you don't think he needs them? Not to be contrary but I think it is a bad idea to give that advice based on his info...you don't even know why he takes meds!

you are right, i was wrong to suggest that. i didnt necessarily mean right now to just stop taking his meds. but i meant in general, overtime, so i shouldve been more specific about that. I was just trying to be more general. i dont think he should start to get into other meds and upping doses, as he wants to do, especially considering he has said he has addictive personality, is what i meant. I tried to list all of the alternatives. i just like to think that keeping a positive attitude and being grateful for what we have and staying healthy etc etc works better than what the pills are doing, supposedly. Obviously he is smart enough to make his own decision, I just wanted to make a few points, and my advice isnt to be taken step in stone. he did say why he takes them. but there is always a hidden underlying reason. I think ultimately my faith is what lead me away my mental disorders and drugs. Maybe i had just read some more extreme posts recently, so i misjudged. im trying to give him the more positive and lighter side/news.

 

[Alex000]

I don't know all that much about etizolam, and for that reason I am not going to suggest trying it for therapeutic purposes. If you want a PRN anxiolytic for general and social anxieties, which I think is pretty on the mark, there are different drugs that could be, potentially, of benefit. Remember, though, of course, you know your body and mind much more than I, or anyone else, ever could; you live with them, after all, and so if you choose a particular drug for the aforementioned anxiety-relief, it should feel right to you. That said, I will write a little on the subject.

We know benzodiazepines are very popular anxiolytics of today; they have their definite pro's, and their definite con's. If you choose to use any benzodiazepine as a PRN, make sure you don't get yourself into a situation of physiological dependence and then run out one day for some reason, and consequently go through what could be a set of fatal withdrawal symptoms. So, make sure you would use a benzo as a PRN (assuming it is a PRN you want), and not begin to dose chronically for any substantial period of time. Now, when I think of treatment, with a benzo, for most cases of acute episodes of anxiety, I tend to think that a low dose of Xanax (alprazolam) can be a very good choice with respect to other benzo's; it works quite swiftly, quite well, is not usually very sedating in low doses, and has a fairly short half-life which makes it a good PRN so that if you limit your dosing frequency, it won't hang around in your system too long and have as long an opportunity to cause physiological dependence. In lower doses, it tends to be fairly predictable, as a benzo, too, from my experience and what I have read. For someone with no benzo tolerance, I might recommend trying as low as 0.125 mg as a single dose up to about 0.5 mg. A little can go a long way, especially when used for therapeutic reasons and not pure recreation. If you take an insufficient dose, take a LITTLE more in 45 to 60 minutes - for a non-tolerant individual, for therapeutic anxiolysis, I would not exceed a total of 0.5 mg. Don't fall into the Xanax trap of taking some, then feeling relaxed and safe enough to take some more, then staggering and slobbering and finishing the bottle without any reservations; this CAN happen with any benzo, really. But, with low doses, that shouldn't happen. Another benzo, with which I have no personal experience in using, but might recommend for you as an option to try for a PRN, would be Serax (oxazepam). I have heard it is quite mellow, and it does have a somewhat short half-life. I doubt it would give the kick Xanax would, and it does have a slow rate of absorption (and time to onset), but it isn't a bad idea. It MIGHT have a bit less of an addictive draw than Xanax, but that is speculation, and the difference could be insignificant. I would recommend, with respect to dosing Serax as a PRN, to start with 10 mg (probably no more than 15 mg) for a non-tolerant individual. 10 mg Serax is approx. equal to 5 mg Valium (diazepam). Those would be my top two benzo PRN selections, just based on what you are saying.

Also, Neurontin (gabapentin) and Lyrica (pregabalin), MIGHT be drugs to investigate as PRN anxiolytics, though they are usually dosed chronically, and have some potentially different effects and side-effects than benzo's. Soma (carisoprodol) does have anxiolytic properties, but it does, in my opinion, have a pretty decent potential to overuse and form physiological dependence, perhaps even more than benzo's with respect to the draw of the drug to use. It is, also, unpredictable even with the same individual from dose to dose, and a little less safe than benzo's, I'd say, in the short-term. However, for PRN purposes, it might do a good job. It acts more like alcohol or a barbiturate, really. I'd advise particular caution in investigating that as an option, if you do. Along with other possible side-effects, it does lower the seizure threshold, and because you take amphetamines, might not be the best idea. But, I do not know how your body would react. I can say that I wouldn't advise a dose of more than 350 mg, with half of that (175 mg) being my recommended starting point. For some, Soma is the bee's knees, and others don't get it at all. For me, luckily and unluckily, it is the former.

I hope this helps a little - just some ideas.

 

[purplehaze147]

I think Im gonna try valerian root or kava along with my nightly dose of a 100mg of 5-htp for social situations and keep an etizolam on me for emergencys. Ill start of trying .25mg-.5mg and see how that works. Ive tried pregabalin and gabapentin before but they lose their effectiveness after a while and the effects are not worth the withdraws. Im assuming phenibut would be about the same. What interests me about etizolam is I read it gains effectiveness after 2 weeks instead of losing it like most benzos. Ill have my mom keep my supply of etizolam in her safe and only let her give me one a day just to be safe. Hydroxyzine or diphenhydramine should potentate it so I could take less. I don't want to be impaired at all I just want relief.

Would a max of 1mg a day of etizolam wont have any significant withdraws? Im really afraid of withdraws, I had a really bad experience in jail detoxing off of 100mg of methadone and 2g of pregabalin. Honestly Im pretty reckless and do some illegal activities involving drugs if you know what Im saying so theres always that possibility of going back. A low dose of Xanax might be good since it has a short half life if my doc agrees to prescribe it to me. Pyrolam(spelling?) probably has a short half life too but it not that good right?

Id like to not have to take any medication but I think it might be necessary. Not only is my anxiety mental but its also physical, twitching and stuff and Ive had people tell me I looked constipated when I didn't even realize lol.

 

[juststoppingby]

I would do what needs to be done to get lyrica, start at 3x75mg, thats what the doc's say too, but I know most here take more than adviced with their meds;-) The reason for the low dose is so you have headroom to up your dose slightly when effect seem to become less than you need. This will leave you level at 150mg x 3 in a year. Compliment with one or two valium/xanax/k-pin only on big hard days. You do not wan't a benzo habit. I am on methadone and have recently begun to realize I am addicted to benzos again, which is a bitch

T

 

[ad lib]

I would suggest talking with your doctor to explore other options for social anxiety. Just be honest with them.

With etizolam, I find that tolerance builds up very quickly, and it has a short half-life so you may find yourself re-dosing more than necessary.

As long as you're honest with your doctor and stick to your medications as prescribed, you really shouldn't develop too much of a tolerance. You may become dependent on it, it's just a fact, but even then if you feel it may be getting out of control- speak with your doctor to see if you can do a safe taper to a lower dose, or a longer acting anxiety medication.

 

[versd]

it has been shown in studies that in some cases when medication which is known to create physical and psychological dependence is used purely in a therapeutic manner and not abused, that no physical or psychological dependence results.

Of course this may not directly apply to you since you have had a history of abuse and addiction, but it is encouraging to know this fact.

good luck