First time poster, wasn't sure where to put this so if a mod moves it I'll know this was the wrong place. 
I had an eye-opening experience last night after a night of "aromatherapy" - here's what I was able to put down on paper before starting work for the day (what I would call my "responsibility" at this point) I don't know what I'm looking for here but I just felt like I had to put it out there and I'd be afraid to relate this to friends or co-workers - at least until I get a handle on things. Okay, enough with my boring crap, here it is.
Fading already but it happened - When I went to bed last night “life” took a turn for me. I was able to experience and see that a “person” is really nothing but a collection of experiences of the soul – the soul is an eternal energy of some type – anyway, back to the experience. Laying there I could feel the weight of the world pressing on me – I forgot who I was, what my place was in this world, what I even looked like - the world was spinning and I could feel it – I could see all the people but it was more like looking at their souls and this world around me got bigger and bigger while I got smaller and smaller until I saw my death (not like getting run over by a car but that this life, this person will end) - It was then that this life came back in a sense - I felt like some great secret had just been revealed to me and the time of this life had come to an end. I could see the continuation of this soul. I could see the "person" that would be remembered by those around me (but the "person" was just a collective of other's memories, that's all - I remember thinking I didn't want to be that guy but I had to face it that I was that guy) and how we were connected and I was faced with a choice, don’t ask me what it was (I feel there was a question asked) but I made the right choice - and gained the knowledge that everyone will face the same at the end, some choice or question that they have to make or answer to determine where the soul goes maybe? - it felt like the choice I made or answer I gave was to save the soul inside me – not me, this life was irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but the soul. At first I was soooo afraid and upset because I KNEW this was the end of life that everyone experiences and I was so sorry I didn't get to tie up the many loose ends of this life that I had just lost. I just knew that this body would not wake up again, but when I realized that whatever the case I knew the path I had chosen or answer I had given was right and that all was well with my soul - it was like the lives this soul has been living were tainted or making the same mistakes over and over and suddenly I had broken that bad habit. I was happy and ready, ready for the next part - would the light everyone talks of be a rebirth? But there was no light, only sleep and now I’m still here –
I've googled my experience trying different key words and found topics on the death of the ego - is that what I experienced? I don't know, I do know the day just feels mundane and the only way I could go to work today was to accept that I have a responsibility to do so. Buddism also popped up and there are many tenets there that suddenly seem familiar and are attractive - I'll be doing some reading on that later. I definitely feel different now – I remember thinking that I would forget all this but that I had to have faith in the fact that at the end, I knew (know) - that the soul continues – and the choice I made felt heroic and epic at the same time and that I made the right choice. Again, don’t ask me how or why or what but I recall wondering if I'd get it right in the next life too. It's amazing and terrifying at the same time. I also know that at the end I remembered everything about this soul and while I was feeling so bad about leaving my family and past behind that it was okay because in the end those I hurt or left behind would also have a chance to see the truth and then they would know, they would feel just what I did.
I'm thinking of reading "After the Ecstasy the Laundry" by Jack Kornfield - any other constructive suggestions?
I had an eye-opening experience last night after a night of "aromatherapy" - here's what I was able to put down on paper before starting work for the day (what I would call my "responsibility" at this point) I don't know what I'm looking for here but I just felt like I had to put it out there and I'd be afraid to relate this to friends or co-workers - at least until I get a handle on things. Okay, enough with my boring crap, here it is.
Fading already but it happened - When I went to bed last night “life” took a turn for me. I was able to experience and see that a “person” is really nothing but a collection of experiences of the soul – the soul is an eternal energy of some type – anyway, back to the experience. Laying there I could feel the weight of the world pressing on me – I forgot who I was, what my place was in this world, what I even looked like - the world was spinning and I could feel it – I could see all the people but it was more like looking at their souls and this world around me got bigger and bigger while I got smaller and smaller until I saw my death (not like getting run over by a car but that this life, this person will end) - It was then that this life came back in a sense - I felt like some great secret had just been revealed to me and the time of this life had come to an end. I could see the continuation of this soul. I could see the "person" that would be remembered by those around me (but the "person" was just a collective of other's memories, that's all - I remember thinking I didn't want to be that guy but I had to face it that I was that guy) and how we were connected and I was faced with a choice, don’t ask me what it was (I feel there was a question asked) but I made the right choice - and gained the knowledge that everyone will face the same at the end, some choice or question that they have to make or answer to determine where the soul goes maybe? - it felt like the choice I made or answer I gave was to save the soul inside me – not me, this life was irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but the soul. At first I was soooo afraid and upset because I KNEW this was the end of life that everyone experiences and I was so sorry I didn't get to tie up the many loose ends of this life that I had just lost. I just knew that this body would not wake up again, but when I realized that whatever the case I knew the path I had chosen or answer I had given was right and that all was well with my soul - it was like the lives this soul has been living were tainted or making the same mistakes over and over and suddenly I had broken that bad habit. I was happy and ready, ready for the next part - would the light everyone talks of be a rebirth? But there was no light, only sleep and now I’m still here –
I've googled my experience trying different key words and found topics on the death of the ego - is that what I experienced? I don't know, I do know the day just feels mundane and the only way I could go to work today was to accept that I have a responsibility to do so. Buddism also popped up and there are many tenets there that suddenly seem familiar and are attractive - I'll be doing some reading on that later. I definitely feel different now – I remember thinking that I would forget all this but that I had to have faith in the fact that at the end, I knew (know) - that the soul continues – and the choice I made felt heroic and epic at the same time and that I made the right choice. Again, don’t ask me how or why or what but I recall wondering if I'd get it right in the next life too. It's amazing and terrifying at the same time. I also know that at the end I remembered everything about this soul and while I was feeling so bad about leaving my family and past behind that it was okay because in the end those I hurt or left behind would also have a chance to see the truth and then they would know, they would feel just what I did.
I'm thinking of reading "After the Ecstasy the Laundry" by Jack Kornfield - any other constructive suggestions?
