• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Attraction do's and dont's

N

Need4speed

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 23, 2011
Messages
440
guys-

what has worked for you as far as being attractive and feeling attraction for opposite sex ?
what things have you said or done to cause lack of attraction ?

women
What makes a guy or attractive to you, what turns you off in a guy?
 
What I find physically attractive is pretty boring and standard. Most of the intangible qualities I'm attracted to are also standard and boring. I'll limit myself to just two pluses.

*A voracious reader. *Nothing* will make me spark up a conversation with a woman more than if she's reading a book, especially if it's something a little unusual (i.e., not the latest bestselling author).

*Artistic talent, written or visual.

My minuses:

*Pretentiousness. Too bad this is often linked with artistry.

*Gossip. A huge turn-off.

*Badmouthing a past relationship.(*) We all need to vent, sure, but whatever garbage they air about Mr. X is something similar they'll spout about you to whoever's next.

*Being too goddamned serious.

(*) To qualify this, let's say that this past relationship was not abusive...
 
Belisarius said:
What I find physically attractive is pretty boring and standard. Most of the intangible qualities I'm attracted to are also standard and boring. I'll limit myself to just two pluses.

*A voracious reader. *Nothing* will make me spark up a conversation with a woman more than if she's reading a book, especially if it's something a little unusual (i.e., not the latest bestselling author).

*Artistic talent, written or visual.

My minuses:

*Pretentiousness. Too bad this is often linked with artistry.

*Gossip. A huge turn-off.

*Badmouthing a past relationship.(*) We all need to vent, sure, but whatever garbage they air about Mr. X is something similar they'll spout about you to whoever's next.

*Being too goddamned serious.

(*) To qualify this, let's say that this past relationship was not abusive...
Click to expand...

shes quiet therfore casuing me to be more vocal hence more boring because i run out of things to say

picking up her slack is exausting lol
 
Smelling nice never goes astray. I don't mean drowning yourself in au de toilet but a subtle fresh aftershave or perfume will often turn heads when you walk by. Once again there is a fine line though so if in doubt take along a trusted lady friend if you intend to buy some
 
My turn-ons:
* Lots of stories about adventures she's been on
* Very sweet, "nice girl" personality
* A touch of tomboyishness

My turn-offs:
* Drama queen
* Shamelessly materialistic
 
My end-all, be-all quality that attracts me to a guy is a guy who is extremely kind. Someone who is genuinely nice to people he doesn't have to be nice to at all. Both the guys I've ever been attracted to had an overabundance of this one quality, therefore turning my knees to jello :)
 
what do I like in a guy
- confidence
- being a generally good/nice person
- common interests
- has a goal or a passion
- intelligent
 
In general, the things I find attractive are, in order from most-to-least important:

1. Sweetness, defined here as a nurturing, feminine quality characterized by (emotional) generosity and kindness.

2. Mutual attraction (I have trouble being attracted to someone if I don't get the sense that they are equally or more attracted to me)

3. Adventurousness. I've never dated a really adventurous girl, but I get really turned on when I meet a girl who's going places and doing fun things and has an appetite for adventure that's slightly higher than mine. It makes me feel like I need to chase them and try to keep up and like I might get taken for a super fun ride. I kind of imagine this would get exhausting after a while, though.

This is a pretty universally attractive quality. Everyone wants to hang out with someone that will show them new things and take them new places.

4. Physical qualities: big, bright eyes, short, dark hair (curly or messy is best) smooth skin.

5. Expanded world view. As an American it's really easy to maintain a tiny scope of awareness. (TV shows and shopping?!) So I pop mad boners when a lady can speak at length about: science, literature, geography, politics, philosophy or certain other facets of culture. However, I'm an obnoxious know-it-all, so I don't get too caught up on this one.


Turn offs (discovered from past dating)

1. Lack of adventurousness, sheltered, closed minded attitudes, fear. I want someone who is up for anything.

2. Girls that don't care about music. (I'm obsessive, so this is a common problem)

3. Girls that can't stay up late.

4. Girls that cross the threshold of independence and simply don't need anyone, emotionally. Good for them, but I can't be attracted to someone that has no room in their life for a +1

5. Talking too much . . . yup, sounds trite and/or misogynistic, but it's a pet peeve.


EDIT:

to answer OP's question more specifically, in allowing myself to be more attractive to others, #3 on my list of attractive qualities is the one that has helped me the most. If you want people to like you, you have to offer something interesting.

In the negative column, a common mistake I see in my fellow dudes is "coming off as desperate" if you like someone, just calm the fuck down and try to pretend you don't care that much. Pay attention to them, sure, but if you focus on them too much it sends up a psychological red flag.
 
Last edited:
Turn-ons:

--BRAINS (my number one turn-on is a smart guy)
--Open-minded attitude, non-judgemental, empathetic
--Facial hair
--Seriously sexually adventurous, into sex, willing to try new things in the bedroom
--Preferrably dark hair, but I'm not too picky about it!
--Eclectic musical taste
--Tattoos
--Not afraid to express his emotions (especially when it comes to telling me he's interested in me!)
--Engaged with the world--well-read, opinionated, and articulate

Turn-offs:
--Guys who are into "grooming"...hair gel, tanning, ugh!
--Not having an opinion on anything
--Lack of self-confidence
--Loud, obnoxious drunks, especially slurring words and stumbling!
--Playing it safe
--Chronic unemployment (bad economy, I know, but I mean a guy who just can't get/hold a job for a reason)
--Bad spellers (this goes along with all-around stupidity)
 
pro:
adventurous
hard worker
an expanded world view
outgoing
dreadlocks (clean)

con:
backbiting
gossipy
bad hygiene
huge titties
 
Pro:
Brains (i tend to like women that are artistic and overall very intelligent since i actually want to be able to hold a conversation with her)
Adventurous
Self confidence (not to the point of being cocky though)
The kind of woman that stands up for herself and is independent as well
Empathy
Looks are important as well and i can be picky when it comes to what i find attractive in a woman

Cons:
Lying
Vanity
Hypocrisy
Gossipy
Clingyness
Materialistic
 
Last edited:
Things that attract me about men: personality, the chemistry we hopefully have, a good sense of humor, a caring and giving nature (selflessness), similar viewpoints on life, and overall kindness toward others.

Turnoffs: greed, vanity, douchebags (macho ego machines), hypocrites, shallow fuckwads, liars, cheaters, and generally evil people.
 
Pro:
Good knowledge of the natural sciences. (Ideally has a distaste for the arts)
Adventure... I mean ADVENTURE, shit that is actually dangerous, not fake "adventure" like touring Geneva or eating brain.
Cute...like, not hot, cute... um, hard to describe this abstract concept, but I guess a fairly high level of neoteny features?
Not an ubersturmbannfurher in das grammerstaffle who will gas you for misuse of a semicolon.
Kinky.

Con:
Hippy/peacenik/occupyfag/so forth. (Basically, I do not want a female version of Ebola or Cyc... I'd rather have Ebolavirus and get my arms crushed between two large CYClinders then put up with that shit)
Having any sort of religion.
Has a macbook.
Is a hipster.
Is not physically fit. (Not just image, I mean she better be able to hustle 10km with a decent pack on her)
 
Pro's:
- Conversationally intelligent
- Genuine innate kindness
- Genuine smile (as opposed to a 'smile when I want something' version)
- Affectionate but independent if need be
- Feisty (but not overtly belligerent or confrontational)
- A broad sense of humour
- That intangible feminine sweetness, coupled with a softness of similar genesis

Cons:
- Bitchy
- Plastic personality
- Deceitful
- Says one thing then does another
- Gossipy (to the point of making it a central conversation piece)
- Materialistic, especially in a 'keeping up with the Joneses' kind of mindset
- Treating the iPhone or Android like an indispensable security blanket and refusing to lay it down!!! 8(
 
As you can see, lots of shit is just personal preference, but the best advice for both sexes is to simply be polite, sincere, and respectful, but then again, some people are turned on when people are rude and crude and treat them like shit too.

Bathing can help.
Otherwise, just be yourself, but not too into your own world. A big part of attraction is receptiveness and flexibilty with the other person, but that doesn't mean you have to 'lower the bar' on standards totally.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top