Attending an Ayahuasca Ceremony with mental illness

[Vastness]

In the past I have been called bi polar type 1 but I personally like to stay away from DSM terms because labels can be very limiting and misleading.

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I'd like to mention again that I don't think I have bi polar, it is highly over diagnosed nowadays and I believe I was mislabeled that after the drug induced psychosis. So I'm not sure what I should think about future use.

This is potentially a dangerous viewpoint to have. Sure, current DSM terms might be imperfect, but they are currently the best method we have to classify and understand the various forms of mental illness, and are the most widely accepted to be reasonably accurate by the scientific community.

By all means, if you disagree with your diagnosis, seek a second opinion. But otherwise please keep in mind that human beings are notoriously bad at accurate self-assessment and frequently overestimate or underestimate their own capabilities depending on their mood and a whole variety of other factors that they are not even aware of. In addition to this, you are (I'm guessing) not trained in a psychiatric medical discipline and thus probably not even qualified to make an assessment of anyone's mental health, let alone your own. If a medical professional has told you that you have Bipolar Type I, then in the absence of any medical training of your own, or the opinion of any other doctor, you may well "feel" that they are wrong but honestly, until you get a second opinion, your feelings need to take a back seat to the overwhelmingly more rational viewpoint that the assessment of one or more medical professionals is likely to be a far more accurate assessment of your condition than your own "feelings".

Regarding your main question, as has already been stated this is an absolutely terrible idea, and sounds to me highly irresponsible of any therapist to give you this idea. You have had not one but several drug induced psychoses, and by the sound of it some very serious delusions - this points overwhelmingly to some kind of latent psychiatric illness beyond that induced by the drug.

You should honestly abstain from all psychedelics, dissociatives and probably also hard stimulants for a very extended period (meaning, several years at least) until you have a far better understanding of your condition. It may not be advisable to ever attempt to take a psychedelic again but if you choose to do so it should be with very controlled doses and in the presence of, ideally, educated professionals but at the very least, educated and trusted friends with antipsychotics on hand. If you don't heed this advice you are very likely putting not only yourself at risk but also everyone around you.

 

[Vastness]

Also...

The psychosis involved a lot of strange ideas but I have narrowed it down to certain over activity in the 5-HT receptors, notably dopamine, serotonin and glutamate. Although I am not a psychiatrist I believe a lot can be narrowed down to these few neurotransmitters.

No shit, the bulk of human consciousness and indeed the bulk of ideas, motivations and decisions made by any animal ever alive can probably be narrowed down to activity involving these primary neurotransmitters, plus a few others, critical as they are to the function of practically every mammalian brain. It doesn't make your psychotic ideas any less psychotic.

Please don't take this offensively, again I just trying to give you a reality check. The idea that you might have a better understanding of psychiatry than an actual trained psychiatrist is in itself a delusion.

 

[washingtonbound]

I guess I should've been more clear on the experiences I've had with psychiatrists and other "medical professionals" in the past few years. When I was initially diagnosed when I was 19 following a manic episode I went to another facility for assessment that was more professional than the psych hospital I'd been discharged from. Over the course of my stay there I was diagnosed with an "unspecified drug induced mood disorder" because my psychiatrist believed that if the drugs hadn't been involved I wouldn't have exhibited the bipolar symptoms. I don't exhibit classic cycling behaviors or extreme mood swings which I have observed in others.

I also feel that I have a right to have skepticism about the western approach to psychiatry and mental health. You speak of psychiatrists as if they are a god send when the reality is they are trained for a specific purpose. If you were to travel to India or China and speak with those known as: "medical professionals" there you get vastly different opinions. We are still years behind the times when it comes to plant medicine compared to eastern countries and treating the tri-fold mind/body and spirit in general. As someone who has experienced hospitalizations several times I have taken away quite a lot of insight on the approach here and it is flawed to say the least. In my opinion there is no way someone in their right mind can be a big proponent of many of these "allopathic" medicines with the knowledge of the effects it has on the brain. As someone who had a suicide attempt after coming off of zyprexa, had a psychiatrist knowingly push me into toxic lithium levels, and experienced a bedridden month from a long acting haldol injection I can tell you first hand our system leaves a lot to be desired. The fact that I am seeking out alternative treatments to help me cope with the trauma dealing with this system has caused shouldn't be thought of so black and white. I fully understand what you all are saying but I will still draw my own conclusion.

 

[Vastness]

Sorry to hear you've had these experiences, I would nonetheless urge you not to throw the baby out with the bathwater, where the baby is the Western scientific approach to psychiatric theory, and the bathwater is the overly capitalist and sometimes harmful malpractice, filled with bad psychiatrists and biased scientific studies funded by big pharmaceutical conglomerates. Medication may not be the solution in your case, and some kind of non-substance orientated therapy might work better. I think my point still stands though that even if Bipolar is not an accurate diagnosis in your case, 7 hospitalisations from drug-induced psychiatric complications does strongly point towards some kind of latent and as-yet undiagnosed condition which is likely only going to be aggravated by more drugs.

 

[Scrofula]

As for recommending washingtonbound "gobble down some home-brewed psychoactive concoction," I thought it was pretty clear that I do not, in fact, think that's a good idea but I do believe it's safer--more easily controlled variables, and a safety net if he has a trustworthy sitter--than going the traditional aya pilgrimage route in this circumstance.

Thanks, and . . . I needed a little drama at the end. It was a bit unfair, true.

In any case, I got annoyed too when it suddenly seemed like everyone had Bipolar. I even had a regular therapist really grill me when I said I had trouble sleeping, only got five hours the night before. I had to emphatically remind her I've never had anything close to manic or hypomanic states.

And I agree that harm reduction includes telling people the best places to get the ingredients for their unsafe psychoactive homebrew. It's why I'm a member.