Hello,
I'm a long time lurker, first time poster. I can;t thank this forum enough on all the advantages it's given me over the past for months as far as being safe and coherent about this other world. But I'm lost. I've been abusing opiates for a while now.. Using up all my money, screwing up school, relationships and friendships... I've tried to quit once or twice, til I relapse a few days later. I've used loperamide and I know that helps, and i'm tapering myself right now. But, I just have a dim outlook on life.. I look at people and wonder, "how can you walk through this fucked up world without feeling the helpful buzz of opiates or (insert drug of choice)?" I mean.. It's so depressing. If I'm not on, I feel like I just wanna sit around and I can't really get anything done, feel like it's pointless, or just don't want to.. I use my opiates to go through-out the world and do what I need to do.. And i've been so depressed lately.. Feeling like i'm losing all my friends and family, and they just think I'm worthless. And i'm supposed to be going somewhere for a year that I have no control over and probably shouldn't discuss on here, so PM me if you'd like to talk about that.. I screwed up everything with my girlfriend and her crazy mother was trying to take me to court for all types of things, I'm broke. Just got in a car accident and my cars messed up, and i need to sell it but I cant til its fixed.. In a lot of credit card debt.. Can't even sleep at night anymore.. I just feel worthless. And I know what i'm doing is only a temporary fix to a permanent problem, but it's just so hard to quit, especially at this time in my life when i'm not happy at all... I've given suicide minimal thought but I would never do that because I know what it does to the people around you and i could'nt bare doing that to my family... I just don't know what to do. I'm at a dead end and i feel like i need these things to keep driving on but I know that's not the right thing to do.. I just hate life. I feel like what's the point? we're all just expected to do what everyone else does, follow blindly, do school get married, have some good times and some bad times then die. It's like our life is supposedly planned in advance for us and we're only allowed to stray from that template a little bit. It's so hard to find happiness in things anymore. It all feels pointless.. I didn't come here to bitch and have people feel sorry for me.. I'm surprised i'm even writing this.. But I just want someone to offer something... I'm trying to quit in the next few days and I know it's going to suck but it's something I really have to do.. I was up to 80mg a day but i cut down to around 40 so I know it won't be too bad.. But besides withdrawls I'm worried about the depression and anxiety, hopelessness, that i'm going to feel along with it.. I know others have been here before.. And there's a lot more shit than what I said in here going on in my life, I just don't feel like depressing myself by laying it all out on paper. But, this forum has always been helpful to me, and I know there's some great guys here.. Perhaps I'll elaborate more later on because I know this is kind of a broad post.. But I thank you guys in advance for your kind words.. I'd appreciate the absence of any trolls. Thank you guys..
I'm a long time lurker, first time poster. I can;t thank this forum enough on all the advantages it's given me over the past for months as far as being safe and coherent about this other world. But I'm lost. I've been abusing opiates for a while now.. Using up all my money, screwing up school, relationships and friendships... I've tried to quit once or twice, til I relapse a few days later. I've used loperamide and I know that helps, and i'm tapering myself right now. But, I just have a dim outlook on life.. I look at people and wonder, "how can you walk through this fucked up world without feeling the helpful buzz of opiates or (insert drug of choice)?" I mean.. It's so depressing. If I'm not on, I feel like I just wanna sit around and I can't really get anything done, feel like it's pointless, or just don't want to.. I use my opiates to go through-out the world and do what I need to do.. And i've been so depressed lately.. Feeling like i'm losing all my friends and family, and they just think I'm worthless. And i'm supposed to be going somewhere for a year that I have no control over and probably shouldn't discuss on here, so PM me if you'd like to talk about that.. I screwed up everything with my girlfriend and her crazy mother was trying to take me to court for all types of things, I'm broke. Just got in a car accident and my cars messed up, and i need to sell it but I cant til its fixed.. In a lot of credit card debt.. Can't even sleep at night anymore.. I just feel worthless. And I know what i'm doing is only a temporary fix to a permanent problem, but it's just so hard to quit, especially at this time in my life when i'm not happy at all... I've given suicide minimal thought but I would never do that because I know what it does to the people around you and i could'nt bare doing that to my family... I just don't know what to do. I'm at a dead end and i feel like i need these things to keep driving on but I know that's not the right thing to do.. I just hate life. I feel like what's the point? we're all just expected to do what everyone else does, follow blindly, do school get married, have some good times and some bad times then die. It's like our life is supposedly planned in advance for us and we're only allowed to stray from that template a little bit. It's so hard to find happiness in things anymore. It all feels pointless.. I didn't come here to bitch and have people feel sorry for me.. I'm surprised i'm even writing this.. But I just want someone to offer something... I'm trying to quit in the next few days and I know it's going to suck but it's something I really have to do.. I was up to 80mg a day but i cut down to around 40 so I know it won't be too bad.. But besides withdrawls I'm worried about the depression and anxiety, hopelessness, that i'm going to feel along with it.. I know others have been here before.. And there's a lot more shit than what I said in here going on in my life, I just don't feel like depressing myself by laying it all out on paper. But, this forum has always been helpful to me, and I know there's some great guys here.. Perhaps I'll elaborate more later on because I know this is kind of a broad post.. But I thank you guys in advance for your kind words.. I'd appreciate the absence of any trolls. Thank you guys..
