Hello everyone,
I have been lurking around here for years. I have been sober for six years. Opiates were my DOC. When I first got sober I went to rehab where they told me I had an incurable disease and I could only go in remission. Around the internet I have seen this was the belief held by the majority in the medical and scientific field. I found some other doctors and scientist who disagreed but they seemed to be in the minority. I was determined to follow their train of thought and beat this addiction and put it behind me. In a lot of ways I have. But I feel like in a lot of ways it still runs my life. The cravings, the panic of relapse, the screaming of my brain telling me to use. This stuff can last for weeks at a time. It feels as when I fight it it goes away or it gets worst. I want more than anything to stay sober and put this behind me, but I don't know anymore. Maybe they are right. Maybe I do have this brain disease that others have. Maybe i do not have a choice. Maybe I am in this battle for the rest of my life. Maybe I don't have a say in the cravings. I mean fuck I just want to keep living. Over the last six years I drank a few times. didn't have a problem with that but I haven't in a year and a half. I don't know Im just venting. I just want to be normal. I just want to live my life. Anyway to those fighting please hang in there. Some days are great, but its just been a bad month for me. I have been researching and reading about addiction and the field for five years and its seems that the industry does not have a full understanding on what addiction really is. Its all hypothesis it looks like. But I'm just like damn we are the ones suffering. Life sucks at times. Anyway everyone be blessed.
I have been lurking around here for years. I have been sober for six years. Opiates were my DOC. When I first got sober I went to rehab where they told me I had an incurable disease and I could only go in remission. Around the internet I have seen this was the belief held by the majority in the medical and scientific field. I found some other doctors and scientist who disagreed but they seemed to be in the minority. I was determined to follow their train of thought and beat this addiction and put it behind me. In a lot of ways I have. But I feel like in a lot of ways it still runs my life. The cravings, the panic of relapse, the screaming of my brain telling me to use. This stuff can last for weeks at a time. It feels as when I fight it it goes away or it gets worst. I want more than anything to stay sober and put this behind me, but I don't know anymore. Maybe they are right. Maybe I do have this brain disease that others have. Maybe i do not have a choice. Maybe I am in this battle for the rest of my life. Maybe I don't have a say in the cravings. I mean fuck I just want to keep living. Over the last six years I drank a few times. didn't have a problem with that but I haven't in a year and a half. I don't know Im just venting. I just want to be normal. I just want to live my life. Anyway to those fighting please hang in there. Some days are great, but its just been a bad month for me. I have been researching and reading about addiction and the field for five years and its seems that the industry does not have a full understanding on what addiction really is. Its all hypothesis it looks like. But I'm just like damn we are the ones suffering. Life sucks at times. Anyway everyone be blessed.
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