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Apathy towards life

evilthree

evilthree

Bluelighter
Joined
May 8, 2009
Messages
213
Location
Philly
Ok, so I'm not suicidal, but I really have been feeling an intense apathy towards life lately. I really don't care if I die, I feel like I'm going thru the motions of life, and almost hoping it tosses me a bone and just lets me move on. We all die at some point, I almost view life as a fatal disease from which none will recover

There was a point recently where I came quite near an OD. I was fine, but I was passing out standing up and drooling on myself. Sadly, I look at this and it makes me smile how close I came, yet disappointed it didn't just take me, and now I have to deal with lifes shit

I also find much of my depression and anger is directed at this society, this world we live in, and fellow humans. We have a system based completely on the profiteering of a few, driven by social engineers who brainwash the idiotic public on emotional heartstrings to act and think a certain way. Our society celebrates and reveres a drug which makes people boorish, idiotic, and wreckless, yet drugs which bring about relaxation and inspire intellectual thinking are restricted and treated like the plague by our idiotic society, who cannot see the impact of legality and the black market has as opposed to actual harm of a substance. All of my problems, especially recently, have been a result of this societal bullshit, and I truly am starting to think I've had enough of being part of this moronic society full of halfwit sheep who couldn't come up with a critical thought to save their life
 
I feel your contempt for capitalist and socioeconomics standards that can keep some people down, for sure, AND feel your skin crawl over the the poverty gap and unfair distribution of wealth. However don't you feel you are being a lil callous toward your fellow man. It's only a VERY VERY SMALL amount of people that own almost the entirety of ALL the world's wealth. There are people everywhere fighting to better themselves and BE better. Those who work hard to provide for their families and often everyone else they can. Sacrificing and sharing and caring. I think much of your blame is misplaced. People are good by nature...
 
Find something that you are really passionate about and put forth as much of yourself as you can into it.......
Dwelling on the wrongs of the world and how much society is fucked up isn't going to change it...... (I agree with you and in fact have a few favorite quotes about the subject. But they are based around one of my passions, nature- and how society kills all that is right through nature- ANYWAY) If you feel strongly about the subject, find something you can do to make the world a better place....in doing so, you may find that your apathy dissipates.
Just my suggestion, hope you start feeling better soon!! <3
 
I feel the same way a lot of the times. Just like ocean said, put your time into passions that you like to do. Its obvious that you dont want to be a CEO of a company and I completely understand the assholes that just want more and more money. You need to find happiness. When routines start to happen in life, life starts sucking. Keep on living man and one day you'll find a reason to be happy, you never know what can happen in the future even if your present sucks.
 
I feel immense detachment from the world, and from social situations. I don't know for sure, but I am starting to wonder if I can feel emotions for others. I feel as if any emotion or feeling I have for other people is based out of some kind of desire to gain something for myself. Furthermore, I grow increasingly angry with people who either seemingly care, are worried, or want better for me as I feel they stand in the way of my goals

Often I find myself daydreaming about a few outcomes I'd love. I find my mind either wanting to live in a world in which I'm the only person, being able to leave my physical body, or being transported to the future where everyone I currently know is dead and gone. Another is where these bullshit drug laws are gone, and I have the freedom to properly isolate and indulge without worrying about harassment from the law or a stupid society of idiots

Much of my current mental state I feel is due to issues with my ex. She is I feel the only person I've ever connected with on such a level; now she's off dating someone else. She goes from keeping me close to distancing me, whether for reasons that are my fault or hers. Either way, it's a constant point where I beat myself up over. I find as much as people try to reassure me I'm not a bad person, it isn't my fault, she has problems, etc., that I still can't come to terms with things, especially since she's off with someone spending all her time with him, while I sit around feeling guilty that I did some things to cause this, angry at what she's done, and generally confused, as most people I do come across seem to take somewhat of a liking to me, and basically everyone except her seems to have no issue with me. I feel this would all be different if she wasn't going out with someone

Though it may seem I stay completely alone, I do have a few friends and a large number of acquaintances. It just feels friendship or companionship for me is few and far between, and instead of continuing to attempt and fail at it I'd rather be content with being alone, apathetic, and isolationist
 
It is EXTREMELY hard to find people to truly connect with - at age 25, I've only found one. But as others have said, you simply need to find your passion. That's all. It's not easy, but it is that simple. Replace the anger you have towards the world with a passion for trying to make it better, and you'll find that you're a lot happier. Even though I hate religion, I was extremely active in my church youth group growing up because I loved doing all the charity work and community service. When you are more content, you will find that it's easier to make friends because you'll be more open. Or at least you'll be content not to have many friends. :)
 
i completely agree with you.
not only are we going through the motions of life, but when we're not high we feel-- compleate and utter emptiness; which people hate you for.
so what is right?
do we sit here and wait to die, or do we keep using and having a decent life doin it and then die?
I don't understand why people look so far down upon it, but honestly i could give a shit if i buy a drink and hand the person money with my hand FULL of track marks, even dried blood all over them. who cares?
it's summer, enjoy it. get high. and as much as oding looks like the best possible option, dont give a fuck what this shitty society tells you.

<3
 
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