Apathetic, misantrhopic, antisocial.

[Georgie25]

Those three words basiclly define my life right about now

I have been clean from dope for over 3 months.I take 4mg of suboxone when i wake up and that's it.

But my mood has pretty much stayed shittier then when i was on dope. At least sometimes I was in a happy friendly mood when i was high.

My dad consists of searching for a job and even had an interview with burger king which they havnt called me back for about a week now after saying tey were ordering my uniform for me since the interview went good.

I don't like hanging out with my friends. They always call me to ask me to go to parties and I always ignore them or just go home once i get there and see everyone having fun.

Whenever someone trys talking to me I think "ffs, leave me alone" or just dont care about anything they say. Or i reply to their question and go back to my silence and they think i dont like them or it's too akward for them and they just stop talking to me. Most of the time i just cant think of anything to say or have any interest in anything.

I feel emotionless and not able to connect with anybody so i think it's pointless talking to people. I also talk bluntly and straight to the point which apparently people don't like? Since i don't feel much emotion my face and voice is also usually pretty expressionless and this puts people off as well. People stop and stare at me thinking I'm gonna kill them or something just as I am walking down the street.

I'm 20, never had a real girlfriend and always lacked the motivation to go out and find one, or even if I did find one I doubt they'd like my lack of personality too much. And I wouldn't put up with their bullshit games so they'd grow bored of me fast..

My days are spent mindlessly roaming around forums and watching videos online to pass the time.

I've always been introverted and enjoyed being alone before i even got into dope, but now I'm angry most of the time where i used to be funny.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of moods since quitting dope or drugs? Is this PAWS? Maybe a side effect of the suboxone? Input appreciated..

 

[Sweet P]

Yeah, that's me when I'm not on meth. When I was going through PAWS it got even worse, to the point that I wouldn't talk to anybody or leave the house at all. Like you, I've always been pretty introverted... but when I'm withdrawing from drugs or going through PAWS I'm also irritable and have a constant chip on my shoulder.

 

[bagochina]

I personally felt a strange kinda depression similar to what you describe from suboxone, and a few close friends have reported the same thing. It could be your environment/situation but I wouldnt doubt if the bupe does add something to the mix. 3 months is a short period so I wouldnt think you would be getting those kind of symptoms yet, but I could be wrong.

I noticed some kinda of fog lifted when I cleared the bupe from my system its been almost 4 weeks no suboxone, 12 days no opiates. I definitely feel MUCH better already but I am rambling.

peace,
seedless

 

[belfort]

i have always been very introverted but when i was getting clean i was that much more introverted...now that i am clean i realize introversion is who i am and thats that BUT i dont like being this way..forced socialization doesnt work either because i rarely get much out of talking to most people...i cant say i dislike most people its just i dont find too many people interesting enough to talk to at length...

when it comes to finding a girlfriend, i have zero motivation for that either...i actually dunno how most people can jump thru hoop after hoop in order to get a girlfriend..to me, thats a second job and not fun...get this, im introverted to the point where i almost find it a hassle to respond back to facebook messages sent to me by hot chicks!thats messed up aint it??

if you are introverted and you think there might be more to it, read up on schizoid personality disorder..

 

[Georgie25]

Yeah I'veactually been to a psychologist about it before I started my self medication with drugs. I hated talking to her though and found it pointless so I stopped going after a couple of sessions. The meetings wouldconsist of me akwardly looking at her and her doing the same, until she finally asked me a question or told me to do deep breathing excercises. I guess she is used to people coming in and spilling their lives to her while she sits back and pretends to listen...

And yeah Schizoid fits me quite well I'd have to say... I always thought that or social anxiety disorder, except with this most people actually want to socialize but are affraid, which isn't me.

 

[OpiYum]

Sounds like what I experience when I went on subs and stopped H. Fucking years later and I still have it, now and again, probably related to my occasional use of opiates.

I don't think you have social anxiety disorder, but maybe have a type of depression (same as me) of lack of motivation or care.

For me, it's like I don't give a shit and don't want to do anything. Complete apathy. People say it is a form of depression, others say PAWS, I don't know and shit, I'll find ADHD drug helpful for a bit, then not. Im finally considering an antidep again (even though past ones didn't work and gave me awful effects in the past) bc I keep relapsing. I keep doing the right thing, lifestyle, and after several months, things are okay, and then all of the sudden, I fucking don't care and everything is so much effort, so I use. I think I'm doing something really wrong. Sorry to be the bad news bear...this is just me.

I say 3 months is early still. Are you taking vitamins, exercising, having quality social connection w at least one person, etc... I know when I'm like that I can't fucking give a shit to take a vitamin, but I hope you have a better attitude than me.

Why do you say Schizoid? I think that is kind of hasty label to embrace, plus what type at what times?

Be careful with all the psychological labels in early recovery and while using. Otherwise, I almost have collected them all!!!

 

[belfort]

^^the reason i say schizoid is because i have been thru all of the above and when i really think about it, i can relate more to schizoids than i can socially anxious or depressed people...with schizoids comes apathy, zero desire for relationships, little emotions etc etc...

TC said he was like this before he started using drugs and so was i..just thought id throw out a few things...not saying its this or that...

 

[hyroller]

Yeah.... life minus drugs is deathly dull.

Yet life with drugs is deathly monotnous...

and life-threatening taken to the extreme.

catch-22. All I know is, life could still be exciting before drugs came along... so it can surely go back to being like that.... *sigh*

 

[Georgie25]

Sounds like what I experience when I went on subs and stopped H. Fucking years later and I still have it, now and again, probably related to my occasional use of opiates.

I don't think you have social anxiety disorder, but maybe have a type of depression (same as me) of lack of motivation or care.

For me, it's like I don't give a shit and don't want to do anything. Complete apathy. People say it is a form of depression, others say PAWS, I don't know and shit, I'll find ADHD drug helpful for a bit, then not. Im finally considering an antidep again (even though past ones didn't work and gave me awful effects in the past) bc I keep relapsing. I keep doing the right thing, lifestyle, and after several months, things are okay, and then all of the sudden, I fucking don't care and everything is so much effort, so I use. I think I'm doing something really wrong. Sorry to be the bad news bear...this is just me.

I say 3 months is early still. Are you taking vitamins, exercising, having quality social connection w at least one person, etc... I know when I'm like that I can't fucking give a shit to take a vitamin, but I hope you have a better attitude than me.

Why do you say Schizoid? I think that is kind of hasty label to embrace, plus what type at what times?

Be careful with all the psychological labels in early recovery and while using. Otherwise, I almost have collected them all!!!

Just from reading stuff I found on a google search about SPD it fits me a lot. Not like I'm searching for a label or anything.

Vitamins : no, never have. Also have very bad diet. Eat whatever I can afford, which I've been broke the past couple months. This week I've had nothing but Ellio's pizza and cup of noodles. I havn't eaten breakfast in years since I usually wake up around 12-3 P.M cuz I sleep ungodly hours such as 10-12 a night.

For excercise i'll sometimes go for walks or ride my bike, that's bout it.

95% of my time is spent in isolation on my laptop in my room. Don't care for any social connection..

Hopefully you'll be able to stay clean for good one of these days.. Prior to the past 3+ months my longest clean time was 5 days during my 2 year IV dope run...so this is a huge achievement itself..just wish this other shit wasn't happening..

 

[Georgie25]

Yeah.... life minus drugs is deathly dull.

Yet life with drugs is deathly monotnous...

and life-threatening taken to the extreme.

catch-22. All I know is, life could still be exciting before drugs came along... so it can surely go back to being like that.... *sigh*

True that, suicide cross my mind every day.

 

[Sweet P]

True that, suicide cross my mind every day.

Same here. Not to sound overly negative, but I really do believe that suicide will be the way I die. It seems like a rational decision to me. My health already isn't great, my life isn't going anywhere, and I don't want to grow old. I'm not saying I'm suicidal right now - just that I think I will commit suicide one day.

 

[monchi]

hey georgie25 -

i would try taking a vitamin b complex of some kind. i know it sounds simple, but if you aren't eating well, taking one a day with a meal will definitely make a small difference. 5htp has also worked well for me.

you have to nourish yourself to get those "happy friendly" moods you used to get with drugs. take care of yourself and be patient. don't give up!

 

[Georgie25]

Same here. Not to sound overly negative, but I really do believe that suicide will be the way I die. It seems like a rational decision to me. My health already isn't great, my life isn't going anywhere, and I don't want to grow old. I'm not saying I'm suicidal right now - just that I think I will commit suicide one day.

Same here. It sometimes feels like I was happiest using drugs, even though all the bullshit they bring. My life is even improving right now and I still don't feel anywhere near happy.

hey georgie25 -

i would try taking a vitamin b complex of some kind. i know it sounds simple, but if you aren't eating well, taking one a day with a meal will definitely make a small difference. 5htp has also worked well for me.

you have to nourish yourself to get those "happy friendly" moods you used to get with drugs. take care of yourself and be patient. don't give up!

Thanks man. Unfortunately I have been living on $15 a week for gas and food the past 3 months so I cannot afford vitamins and good foods (funny how the good foods cost so much more). Thankfully I will be starting my new job this saturday so hopefully I'll be able to improve my health with the money I make.

 

[Lights0ut]

Those three words basiclly define my life right about now

I have been clean from dope for over 3 months.I take 4mg of suboxone when i wake up and that's it.

But my mood has pretty much stayed shittier then when i was on dope. At least sometimes I was in a happy friendly mood when i was high.

My dad consists of searching for a job and even had an interview with burger king which they havnt called me back for about a week now after saying tey were ordering my uniform for me since the interview went good.

I don't like hanging out with my friends. They always call me to ask me to go to parties and I always ignore them or just go home once i get there and see everyone having fun.

Whenever someone trys talking to me I think "ffs, leave me alone" or just dont care about anything they say. Or i reply to their question and go back to my silence and they think i dont like them or it's too akward for them and they just stop talking to me. Most of the time i just cant think of anything to say or have any interest in anything.

I feel emotionless and not able to connect with anybody so i think it's pointless talking to people. I also talk bluntly and straight to the point which apparently people don't like? Since i don't feel much emotion my face and voice is also usually pretty expressionless and this puts people off as well. People stop and stare at me thinking I'm gonna kill them or something just as I am walking down the street.

I'm 20, never had a real girlfriend and always lacked the motivation to go out and find one, or even if I did find one I doubt they'd like my lack of personality too much. And I wouldn't put up with their bullshit games so they'd grow bored of me fast..

My days are spent mindlessly roaming around forums and watching videos online to pass the time.

I've always been introverted and enjoyed being alone before i even got into dope, but now I'm angry most of the time where i used to be funny.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of moods since quitting dope or drugs? Is this PAWS? Maybe a side effect of the suboxone? Input appreciated..

Bud i'm telling you i was emotionally fucked as a kid and it made me become just as you are at a young age. Not wanting to talk to people and shit honestly GO to the parties your being invited to you will find people care about you more than you think when i go to parties i feel so wanted even if you don't fit in the crowd be friendly and people WILL like you. I guess i'm the opposite of you and i feel comfortable at parties yet depressed by myself. Like i said i have been like you and my best friend IS like you just be active and be friendly BREAK THOSE HABITS!!

 

[Georgie25]

Bud i'm telling you i was emotionally fucked as a kid and it made me become just as you are at a young age. Not wanting to talk to people and shit honestly GO to the parties your being invited to you will find people care about you more than you think when i go to parties i feel so wanted even if you don't fit in the crowd be friendly and people WILL like you. I guess i'm the opposite of you and i feel comfortable at parties yet depressed by myself. Like i said i have been like you and my best friend IS like you just be active and be friendly BREAK THOSE HABITS!!

I've been to numerous parties. I just don't care for them. Shit, sometimes I feel a glimpse of "what the heck, I'll give it a shot, maybe I've CHANGED!" only leads to more reinforcment that it's definetely not my thing. Every time I go I feel the same way and this has been going on for as long as i can remember. I can't relate to anyone there, the friends i do go with get bored of me not being able to hold a conversation so they go off and chat with all the other people they know and leave me by myself standing in a corner awkwardly. I just don't see the point of having a party in the first place, especially since I have no interest in socializing or making friends in the first place. I feel totally fine by myself and horribly uncomfortable at parties. I avoid people I know walking down the street just so I don't have to stop and talk to them, even if its to say hi. I guess it's just a matter of introversion and extroversion..

 

[Georgie25]

Sad thing is now that i'm stacking and saving money again from my new job I really want to start using again, but just keeping it to my days off (1-2 a week). I'm just sick of feeling miserable and depressed 24/7 whether at work or home, it would be a nice outlet and at least feel good1 or 2 days out of the week instead of feelin like shit 7 days a week. =/

If my dad catches me using again he said i'mout of the house for sure, but even that doesnt really bother me cause i hate living with him. Living in my car doesnt sound too bad if i have my laptop and some money for food.