Mental Health Anyone else here with bipolar?

[Polluted_Mind]

How do you harness its energy more?

I've got it bad and it means I either have to defer university for the semester if the depression wins, or get full marks for the semester if the mania wins (staying up for days just studying, etc).

So how do you push yourself to be more manic?? It's like being on a good drug.

I've heard the more stress you put on yourself the more manic you become, which seems to be true. Thoughts?

Reason I ask is I want to be one of those manic depressives who comes up with some really cool shit: like Stephen Fry, Ludwig Boltzmann, Mark Twain, Van Gogh, etc.

Also an interesting question: if you could click a magic button WOULD you get rid of your bipolar disorder? I bet often the answer is 'no', because although you have a 1/3 chance of trying knock yourself off (with many of those succeeding, it has the highest death rate of any psychiatric illness), at least you can break into outer-space at other times

 

[fleea]

My mums bi polar and she really enjoys feeling manic but hates the downside of the cycle, she has been on lithium and a variety of of other drugs for the last 54 years. I have known her to not sleep for weeks at a time instead of sleeping she would turn everything on full like the TV, hoover, radio, and quote shit out of the bible at me through the LOCKED bedroom door, asking god to smote me.

She stole 1967 and would not give it back, sang apollo 11 into space and defeated the grim reaper in the toilet one afternoon, she leaves her body and flys around. During the Falklands war she was nodding off valium on the sofa and then started shouting about a boat being hit by a missile and that no one knew and the sailors were all drowning. She insisted that we phone the Royal Navy and tell them, we refused and she got on the phone and was telling someone all about it but it turned out that she had phoned the Royal Navy pub in Rochdale.

These things are the lighter side of her illness I have left out the dark stuff, I love her very much and to some people I may sound a bit harsh laughing at the mad things she has done but if you are bi polar or live with someone who is then you have to laugh at it as it helps you deal with it. It comes with a great deal of creativity, mum writes poetry all the time and some of it is really good.

She is 78 now and has been quite stable for years, when she was younger her life was chaotic there was a lot of financial stress my parents fortunes were up and down sometimes loaded sometimes bankrupt, tbh if I were you I would just be happy with the up part of your cycle as it is and not force it with stress, you may be able to do that but will be inevitable crash be worse?

Wishing you all the best PM, if you ever need to chat about anything msg me.

 

[neversickanymore]

If you haven't tried this med please explore it.. Lamotrigine. Very Best Wishes.. i have found to maintain hypo-mania, I don't need constant stress, for that can bring you down, but need to maintain a highly interesting and demanding (but not overwhelming) inspired pursuit, that provides ALLOT of opportunity for many small rewarding accomplishments. I avoid the mundane, tedious, and at all cost I avoid and strategize against boredom.. Keep a mood journal and include activities interests, stress, goals, and events, ect to determine your triggers.. Enjoy the ride, Mood surfing is an extreme sport in my opinion.

 

[T. Calderone]

It runs in my family too and it's just me and my sister left, both bipolar. We also self medicate- she uses cocaine and I drink. One thing she told me because she has medicare and can see a doctor, is fluoxetine (prozac) will increase manic level. I had an old prescription that I couldn't refill for lack of money but I noticed it really did prevent me from going to sleep. But that was not a good feeling for me. I like my sleep and it gets aggravating being up for more than 36 hours. She told me the last time she tried to get a doctor to prescribe it, he threatened to have her sectioned in a state institution if she asks for it again.

 

[Polluted_Mind]

@fleaa

Sorry to hear about your mother being in such a state of turmoil, some aspects of her behavior I can sympathize with. Ie: walking down the street when I was 18 and suddenly hearing a growling voice in my head telling me it was going to kill me, so I turned around to the person behind me and and got really pissed off at them (it was the first time I've ever had a voice in my head so I genuinely thought it was them saying it to me). So embarrassed now when I think of it!

I should've clarified in my original post that I don't wish to increase the intensity of the mania (or else things like the above will happen), but rather to increase the proportion and length of manic episodes, so I can get ridiculous amounts of quality work done. Being manic is in some similar way like being high on methamphetamine; you genuinely believe you're superior, gifted and unstoppable, and you're so wired that you can stay up for 3 days just musing on one subject. Like Boltzmann who would stay up for days trying to figure his equations out (but then when he crashed he would try to kill himself, and he eventually succeeded in both those endeavors).

PS: I find it really cool that you clearly still have affection for your mother. Some people that I used to be close with tend to turn their backs on you when they see you do bizarre and extreme things. They don't realize it's your genetic predisposition, but instead think you're just being a moron lacking in any self-control. Like Stephen Fry said: it took me a while to realize that I wasn't in fact a c***, but rather just ill.

@neversickanymore

Thanks for the heads up on lamotrigine. I will look into it but I tend not to take any medications as every one I have tried in the past has given me very unpleasant side-effects like nausea, dry-mouth, complete lack of any feelings, etc.

Completely agree about the need to maintain interesting pursuits in order not to be the constant victim of the black dog.

I lol'd at "Mood surfing is an extreme sport in my opinion". The caveat is that it's a very dangerous sport, according to NIH 25-50% of manic depressive attempt suicide in their lifetimes, and ANNUAL (I repeat: ANNUAL) suicide rate for the manic depressive population is 0.4%. That means if you are bipolar, each year you statistically have a 0.4% chance of killing yourself. But I can understand why this is the case, I already tried this, ended up clinically dead, but then they resuscitated me.

@T.Calderone

Yeah I read that bipolar is VERY highly genetic in aetiology (>80% is the best current estimate, 20% being environment which can greatly aggravate the condition if trauma is experienced). It also isn't one of those recessive illnesses which skips generations, so if one of your parents is bipolar there's a very high chance you will be as well.

Drug use also seems to be almost guaranteed in a manic depressive people, at least sometime during their life.

That's bizarre that they would want to section her for trying to take an anti-depressant!

Also I found this documentary I wanted to share on the condition for those who are interested:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3EacQ4GfiU

Thanks for the great replies and all the best everyone.

 

[neversickanymore]

I lol'd at "Mood surfing is an extreme sport in my opinion". The caveat is that it's a very dangerous sport, according to NIH 25-50% of manic depressive attempt suicide in their lifetimes, and ANNUAL (I repeat: ANNUAL) suicide rate for the manic depressive population is 0.4%. That means if you are bipolar, each year you statistically have a 0.4% chance of killing yourself. But I can understand why this is the case, I already tried this, ended up clinically dead, but then they resuscitated me.
v

Odds of being killed sometime in the next year in any sort of transportation accident: 77 to 1 =1.3%

Odds of being killed in any sort of non-transportation accident: 69 to 1= 1.45%

Its not really y that bad, probably way better odds than if I was born stupid.. Ha, hope u r doing just grand.

 

[FnX]

My mother suffers from this, she takes lithium and she seems to think it helps. She turns into a horrible alcoholic whenever she's manic, I used to think it was just an excuse to drink, maybe it partly is/was the reason? She used to go on multi-day binges and completely forget her kids to starve at home when we were young, then come back and be the most horrible suicidal wreck I've ever encountered, it's awful when you have to physically restrain someone so that they can't kill themselves.

I've been pretty far away from her for many years, although we are in good terms and share a close relationship in my opinion. The way I see it, what has really helped her harness the positive energy of manic episodes was laying off the booze. If she could do that, she could channel her energy into all kinds of productive and fulfilling activities. She also reacts to stress by going slightly hyper, which usually leads her to drink to relax which can easily turn into binge... not fun when you're just wanting to visit her after a long time and she gets nervous and drunk because of that.

Mania can be fun, but from my experience as a witness to my own mother, the more you tap into the mania part, the more you will suffer from depression.

 

[embers_fading]

I've been living with bipolar disorder for about fourteen years now. You cannot "harness its energy", so please don't bother trying. Mania isn't good for you and it will only lead to problems. Please take your medications so you have some hope of being able to live a stable life that is worth living. Yes, excess stress can trigger severe mania or a mixed episode, but the mania will only mess shit up in your life. Every time you cycle into mania you cause irreversible damage to your brain, and each time you cycle into mania the effects become cumulatively worse and you become even more resistant to treatment over time. Mania is just a bad thing all around, but it makes you feel so good, so inspired, so perfect that it's easy to start believing that you need it in your life.

If you want to be creative and make interesting and amazing things you need to have a stable mind. Mania may make you feel that you are coming up with amazing ideas, but you won't be able to focus long enough on any given project to follow it through to fruition. Without a stable mind you won't be able to benefit from your creativity. Your creative potential isn't based on mania and you can be just as creative when you are functioning properly and while not manic. Don't let the temptress bitch that mania is trick you into believing otherwise.

You really want to get into treatment sooner than later. The longer you wait the harder it will be to find treatment that works for you. The longer you wait the greater the chance is that you may die as a result of suicide or from doing some dumb shit while manic. Mania can cause you to wind up in jail, too, because your judgment goes out the window and you make foolish decisions and place yourself into unsafe situations. If you're here in the dark side I assume you have given up or are working on giving up drugs. Drugs and bipolar disorder just don't mix, and as long as you keep using drugs it will be more difficult to get better and your symptoms will be much worse than they normally would be.

As far as medications and side effects go, they almost always go away after a few weeks to a month or two. If they don't go away by then you need to tell your psychiatrist so the dose can be changed or so you can try other meds that will work better. The goal is finding meds that work well for you and don't make you feel like shit. It takes time but you will find a combination that can help you to some degree, or you may even find meds that work absolutely perfectly for you. Meds make you feel like a dead emotionless zombie for a time, yeah, but that goes away and there are many things the doctor can do to help with that.

My meds work. I take them every day. I am happy and content in life. Trust me, you don't need mania. What you need to harness is stability and in order to do that you need to be in treatment. Good luck.

 

[neversickanymore]

without a stable mind you won't be able to benefit from your creativity. Your creative potential isn't based on mania and you can be just as creative when you are functioning properly and while not manic.

bingo

 

[OverDone]

THIS is a decent thread regarding bipolar disorder

 

[Dr. Philgood]

both my mother and my half-sister have a diagnosis. my mother didnt take up caring for me until i was twelve. up until then, i was raised by my grandparents, my sister was given up for adoption.

living with my mother- who let my step-father abuse me- was hell. so, when i was old enough to handle things myself (18), i left home after a fight that left my step-father missing an eye. with little in the way of support i packed my bags and headed for the army.

both the best and the worst thing ive done... ive been diagnosed with `p.t.s.d.`, however, a lot of people that come across me mention the `bi-polar` aspect of my day-to-day behaviours. which pisses me a lil, simply for the fact i wouldnt have been able to get through the kind of service i did being bi-polar, just wouldnt fucking happen.

to anyone suffering from this condition, my heart goes out.

 

[Polluted_Mind]

OK so I didn't really get an answer as to how to increase mania, but have been doing some experimenting, and here is how:

- caffeine.
- cigarettes.
- Some types of music.

Ie: after being in mania constantly all last week and getting a huge amount of work done, I hit the black dog when I woke up two days ago making study impossible. At first I just hoped to wait it off, but then today decided to take action. After 4 red-bulls + 2 cigarettes + some david bowie, I am in full blown mania again.

Another interesting fact: I noticed that last week I lost a huge amount of weight, even more than would be accountable due to the standard loss of appetite. I was just reading a paper which found that during mania your metabolism shoots through the roof, this coupled with insomnia (being awake longer = even more energy burned) means super weight loss (which may be good for some). Problem is that when the mania stops your body becomes *insanely* hungry, as in you can eat a full meal and be extremely hungry 20 minutes later. I went to Subway 3 times in 2 hours and the people there laughed at me, lol.

So yeah I just thought I would share the personal research into this condition.

 

[sonicwhite]

Man, with me bipolar is great when I am high but sometimes I can't take being that high. Like I was telling ppl I was going to be a famous preacher and I was going to be with a ex that hated my guts and All I could focus on where these goals....When crap hit the fan and found out that none of them where true and I was high for like two yr's straight and yes it's like a really good natural drug....You try anything to find it....seek out your mind and thoughts that make you happy but, it turns on you bro in a hot second....You become manic all the time then you start going to the other side of the world for a date that was prolly fake anyway....I'm just sayin....I got high like that because I got saved as a christian. How and why it happened like that is beyond me. I used that time while I was manic to get off of meth because the high was so natural and I thought it was God's joy that I would rather feel like that then speedy....IDK how to answer your question because there is really no way to obtain a constant manic state. I am on gabapentin and if I abuse it it will make me manic for a couple hours then I crash into a deep depression...Would I want to be normal.....I would say yes if I didn't know the life I already lived...But since I know it wouldn't satifie me. If I was normal I wouldn't be here...

 

[Polluted_Mind]

^^ Mania (not hypomania though, but the full-blown sort) is well known to bring on a religious way of thinking. So this is more common for bipolar type 1.

 

[gloeek]

I don't recommend doing this EVER, but SSRIs make me manic. I think there's a fine line between hypomania and mania. Mania, although it feels great, leads to poor decision making and for me, psychosis. You just have to work with what your mind is doing at the moment. You have to cope with depression, mania or mixed episodes. I know that sounds like a lot to ask, but once you can predict where your mind is going then it's a lot easier to cope with the mood swings.

 

[Polluted_Mind]

You just have to work with what your mind is doing at the moment. You have to cope with depression, mania or mixed episodes. I know that sounds like a lot to ask, but once you can predict where your mind is going then it's a lot easier to cope with the mood swings.

Of course you are right and deliberately promoting hypomania within myself is borderline insanity BUT I've come to the conclusion that nearly anything is better than being in a depressed hole, as that's simply not living, it's an existence not even worth entertaining.

Turns out that pseudoephedrine is a massive trigger, have only gotten 3 hours sleep in the past >48 hours and am still perfectly wide awake and studying. It's amazing how the human body in mania can wake up thinking "wow that was a good sleep I feel really refreshed" only to look at the clock and realize it was just 1.5 hours long. 8)