Anybody else here identify as Asexual?

[Papaverium]

I'm just curious, because I met another asexual person yesterday and talked their face off because I've never met anyone else who is just as uncomfortable with sexual experiences as I am.

My whole life I was lead to believe that there was something wrong with me because I am not interested in sex or finding a sexual partner.
Only in the past year have I been slowly getting more comfortable in my own skin because I've read a lot more about asexuality and that it is perfectly okay to not feel sexual attraction.
I thought I had a deficiency of brain chemicals of some kind or something along those lines. It was making me really depressed and give me another reason to hate myself.

I'm so glad to know that isn't the case.
Why can't we just be friends?? lol

 

[GodandLove]

I'm just curious, because I met another asexual person yesterday and talked their face off because I've never met anyone else who is just as uncomfortable with sexual experiences as I am.

My whole life I was lead to believe that there was something wrong with me because I am not interested in sex or finding a sexual partner.
Only in the past year have I been slowly getting more comfortable in my own skin because I've read a lot more about asexuality and that it is perfectly okay to not feel sexual attraction.
I thought I had a deficiency of brain chemicals of some kind or something along those lines. It was making me really depressed and give me another reason to hate myself.

I'm so glad to know that isn't the case.
Why can't we just be friends?? lol

Why are you uncomfortable with sexual contact? Do you feel guilt when you experience an orgasm? Were you abused as a child? I'm only asking because finding sex repulsive is often a sign or symptom seen in childhood sexual abuse victims.

If be the case and if you wish to talk privately about this matter feel free to PM me.

Another possibility, are you an opioid user? Opioids can suppress your sex drive, but I'm sure you knew that already.

 

[iridescentblack]

I don't identify as asexual, but I have no desire to go out and find a relationship. Haven't had sex in years and couldn't care less. I guess my lack of sex in my life is a result of what happened the last few times I had casual meaningless sex. Upon climaxing, my sexual partners became the most hideous things in the world and I just wanted to be as far away from them as possible.

You see, an orgasm for a male only lasts so long and to top it all off, the feeling couldn't possibly be any worse when you pair it with a relationship that has absolutely no meaning for you at all. But apparently this doesn't happen to everyone. And if not, "Well fuck, aren't you lucky?"

 

[Papaverium]

Why are you uncomfortable with sexual contact? Do you feel guilt when you experience an orgasm? Were you abused as a child? I'm only asking because finding sex repulsive is often a sign or symptom seen in childhood sexual abuse victims.

If be the case and if you wish to talk privately about this matter feel free to PM me.

Another possibility, are you an opioid user? Opioids can suppress your sex drive, but I'm sure you knew that already.

I am a victim of molestation, Id rather not go into details. I mean it wasn't as bad as it could have been but i think about it often. I never thought it traumatized me for years, actually.. until i was about 18 or 19 I was in total denial as to even thinking it hurt me deep down.
And yes I am an opiate addict, but I have had a lack of sexual attraction my entire life, the drugs have nothing to do with it, other than self-medication.

I'm not posting this in attempt to "cure" myself of asexuality, I know there are probably pretty strong reasons as to why I feel the way I do about sex, but it's not going to change anytime soon. I'm a lot less repulsed toward sex as I used to be when I was 16-19 ish) .. Well really until I came to terms about my childhood I found sex to be disturbing and i tried to avoid anything sex related at all costs
Now I am 23, and I have had a decent amount of experiences, I recently had a boyfriend. We had sex sometimes. I still found it very hard to "get into it" with him. but he was the only person I've ever felt remotely comfortable doing it with. Even still, it makes me uncomfortable and he is aware.
It's really hard for me to explain.. because i dont have sexual attraction to anyone but him. and even then I don't like to do it really, I do it cause I know it makes him happy, which in turn makes me happy to know he is happy. No it's never forced, i am 100% consenting to it when it does happen, which is rare. And we are no longer a couple because out drug addiction was getting to a point that we had to stay away from eachother to "get clean" (meanwhile we still meet up to get high.. so stupid).

Bottom line, I think if i am to consider myself anything but Asexual, it would be Demisexual.. but that still falls under the asexuality spectrum. I only very recently have learned about these things and for years I was under the impression that there is something wrong with my brain.
I know I have issues deep down that I still havent gone to get professional help for, but I know that even if i do talk to a psychiatrist about my past, it's not going to change how i view being touched and how it feels for me. I can bring up other things but they are kind of off topic and I don't want to start throwing around mental illnesses if it has never been officially diagnosed, I hate when people do that so I'm not going to be one of those people.
All I can say about that is, I do need to find and talk to a doctor but have been too nervous to do so for ages and still havent built up the courage to go through such a tedious process.

I enjoy being asexual though. I dont want it to change. I like not having to worry about becoming pregnant or getting an STD. Pregnancy and having a kid is one of my biggest fears.
It is kinda creepy when people hit on me though, and Im very socially awkward so i dont know how to react properly. I just wish that people could just look at me and immediately know that I'm not interested in them.

Its also really saddening when a guy will talk to me and we get along really well, then as soon as he starts to lean oward the "so do you have a boyfriend?" type of questions, I make it very clear that i am not looking for one and that im not interested at all in a romantic or sexual sense, then they just stop talking to me altogether. It makes me kinda depressed, like is that all I'm good for? Just another pussy to fuck? I can't just make friends with people, there always has to be some bullshit that comes with it.

That's the only true complaint I have about my (lack of) sexual preference that I can think of at the moment. I may PM you cause yeah I have a lot to say and no one to say it to that will take me seriously. That's another reason why I dont wanna go to a doctor, because they dont care, they just want money.

 

[packet_sniffer]

I'm sorry to hear you were abused You didn't deserve that. No one does.

I think that's part of your problem. Have you thought about going to see a psychiatrist? It may help deal with your issues to talk to someone.

I know when I've been sick I have never felt like having sex. I always meet girls but I feel zero sexual attraction. Maybe your in the same boat?

 

[pofacedhoe]

being sexually abused will make you associate sex with that feeling and in a sense ruin your future enjoyment of it as both things have such close association in your mind

opiates kill your sex drive though.

come off them and watch the horny increase.

how long have you been off opiates during a time in your life where you weren't repressing bad shit?

 

[yacob]

used to be this and might be again kinda not sure, very attracted to girls though so itd be hard to just not go for that just because right now im not thinking about it...also getting laid in the last couple months kinda makes me a sexually active person technically. i get why people do it though, and if youre doing it because you "cant get laid" you just either likely have impossibly high expectations or you just gotta know how to act, straight up everyone can catch a fuck. there's like less than 10 percent of people who genuinely cant get laid and trust me you know bout dem niggas they have something triumphantly impeding that process such as not knowing theyre human let alone the possibility of sex, which if they did would probably either be a felony or the most national geographic appropriate sex video that every human saw because itd be like all planets in the solar system eclipsing the sun at once or something. not sure where that ended up....

 

[yacob]

also if something awful happened to you and has stuck with you for life causing you to associate sex with having someone assault you then im tremendously sorry about that and wish you nothing but peace within, seems like i came across as insensitive possibly so i just wanted to get that out. i couldnt imagine some scenarios that people are subjected to sexually at any age. something that even if you havent experienced is truly scarring to even think about happening to anyone

 

[-=SS=-]

Personally I don't believe asexuality as a concept. It's clear in many cases, as with your own, that there were traumatic circumstances in the past that have given rise to a form of mental block. I find it as ludicrous for a person to say they have no sexual desire as I do to those who claim they own their sexual drive entirely; sex is something that works through us, we don't own it or really control it as a force. We can direct or impede it though. The only exception would be if you've actually been castrated or neutered chemically, but even then I imagine the thought patterns would still persist independent of the chemical push.

There's a youtube channel I came across with a French girl who claims to be asexual, and talks about her experience with it. Might be of interest to you: https://www.youtube.com/user/Apn9a

There is nothing wrong with you. You had a traumatic experience and reacted quite normally. You have no obligation to be sexually active at all if that's what you wish, however I would at least consider the possibility that your fear/pain is driving your current perspective and it's not how you really feel.

Finally, sex is pretty weird anyway. I've have no problems with sex however I often have the thought during the act that it's just so fucking weird, makes me laugh (in my head, not out loud). 'Bumping uglies' always comes to mind :D

 

[thujone]

Why can't we just be friends?? lol

too right. i'm not sure if i qualify as asexual but i've found platonic relationships to be the most rewarding for me and they always break down. my latest one was with a girl who made it clear our relationship was non-romantic before i said anything but after a few weeks she quickly changed from normal to sweet to you-r-my-personal-rage-sink-now-motherfucker.

i feel very black and white about relationships in general. it can either be about nothing but sex, or anything but sex, but it's always been difficult for me to reconcile the two and just make it work.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Yeah, but not by choice. HA! Actually no, not HA! I'm going to go cry in my pillow now.

 

[UpInFlames]

I don't see why, if the OP is comfortable with the state of her sexuality, she should "have" to seek change. Human sexuality operates on a spectrum, just as gender identity does.

Asexuality, though not common in humans, is a perfectly fine way to be, so long as the individual isn't attempting to force her viewpoint onto others. Who cares?

The one issue I have is the idea of "having sex to keep someone else happy, even if it makes you uncomfortable.". I see the rationale, but on some gut level, it bothers me.

 

[nuttynutskin]

I'm surprised at how many people in this thread seem to think asexuality is always the result of some kind of problem. It doesn't always mean you're repulsed by it or uncomfortable with the idea of it, even.

I don't have anything against it but I don't understand it just as a heterosexual male I don't understand someone who's gay. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it per se and I think it's fine if someone is content to not be sexually active... Monks do it. But in the OP's case it sounds like it's because they were traumatized by molestation so personally I would qualify that as a problem. Personally I think it would be a tragedy for someone to go through life missing out on one of the few pleasures in the world because of something that happened to them, but of course someone can only get help if they want it. I think it's very possible that through counseling the OP could gradually overcome their insecurities about sex but that's something someone has to want. Keep in mind this is just my opinion and I'm not judging anyone.

 

[thujone]

I don't have anything against it but I don't understand it just as a heterosexual male I don't understand someone who's gay. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it per se and I think it's fine if someone is content to not be sexually active... Monks do it.

Asexuality is not celibacy (which is what the monks vow to). It's more like just not having such a strong desire. Maslow's heirarchy of needs is a good means of explanation. According to Maslow, sex is in the category of the most basic physiological needs along with water, air and food. In other words, a necessity for survival. An asexual person might place sex in a higher category than the rest of the basic physioligical needs.

 

[michelle lee]

Im also a sexual, due to too much past damage in sexusl unhealthy relations ive had

 

[used tin foil]

I have a slightly "off" circumcision so was scared to show a girl until age 19 and she was all "its nothing" and in the last 4 years ive had sex with between 7-8 more lovely ladies. but yeah before up until 19 i was 100% asexual and thought it would be permanent, wasnt really a big deal

 

[desertshore]

I am somewhat asexual. Googling before replying to the post I found that there is a new label, 'gray asexuals'. I don't see the need for more labels and categories, but that would describe me.
I had a few partners in my life, and I'm just not very interested in sexual activities. I like hugging and cuddling - sometimes this get misinterpreted as foreplay and then sex ensues, even if it was not my intention and I'd prefer to avoid it. Whatever, I learned to live with it

 

[Raze]

I've always wondered if I was asexual. I remember looking it up for the first time when I was 12-15, and everyone was "fancying" others, having bfs/ gfs, but for some reason, I just didn't fancy anyone, and never had any sexual desires for either girls or boys.

It's annoying, as so many times I get on with someone, they start fancying ME, and I don't know what the hell to do..

I have had relationships, hell, I'm still in one, but it revolved around drugs. (Given them up now, so don't know what to do!) Before then, relationships happened usually because the other person was SO dominant, they would just end up getting what they wanted. It's screwed up!

People always seem to think, after connecting on an emotional level, that SEX must come after. I've tried really hard to both stand up for myself and go along with it.. so many times.. It seems, unless sex is thrown in, people won't want to continue connecting/just talking on a deep level. So, if I like them enough, I end up agreeing, and hate the sex, just so I can continue to connect with someone on a deep level (through communication!).

.. I thought I was just messed up, not liking the sex, but I'm wondering if now, I am indeed asexual?

Whoever said they think asexuality just comes from abuse/ dysfunction: I was like this BEFORE my abusive relationships. I've never been interested in sex with another person. I never even masturbated until I was around 16, and then, it was focused on *my* pleasure, not sex with a guy/ gal.

Honestly, saying asexual = abuse, is like saying being gay/hetero/bi is the product of abuse. Sure, maybe in some cases, someone could be that put of, they wouldn't want to have a relationship. But, you desire who you desire, and don't desire who you don't desire, from birth. Abuse may change how someone approaches sex, but it doesn't change their feelings.

I really wish it was acceptable to be asexual, most people don't know what it is, or think of it weirdly.. Maybe if they didn't, people could be more honest about it. For me, the reason I got into an abusive relationship, aged 19 or 20 I think, was because I wasn't fancying other people, and this guy (who turned out to be a violent psychopath), "wanted" me, so after a LOT of persistence, I ended up obliging. (Bad mistake, he stole and crashed my car, then put me in hospital).

Another example:
I got on really well with the leader of this first aid group at uni. We went out on a social, and got smashed. He asked me if I wanted to go back to his dorm, "to watch a DVD". I believed him. When we went back to his dorm, he forced himself on me and I lost my virginity in the most painful way possible. =/ That was age 18. If he hadn't forced himself on me, I'd of been a virgin till my psychopath bf decided he wanted to have sex with me in my 20's.

I think, if it was up to me, I would never in a million years had sex the first time, and would never of had it any other time. It's just what I'm like. I can't help it, I am happy being like this, it's just others aren't.

Psychoanalyse that, biatches!

.. and seriously guys, can we please just be friends?!

 

[belfort]

Personally I don't believe asexuality as a concept. It's clear in many cases, as with your own, that there were traumatic circumstances in the past that have given rise to a form of mental block. I find it as ludicrous for a person to say they have no sexual desire as I do to those who claim they own their sexual drive entirely; sex is something that works through us, we don't own it or really control it as a force. We can direct or impede it though. The only exception would be if you've actually been castrated or neutered chemically, but even then I imagine the thought patterns would still persist independent of the chemical push.

There's a youtube channel I came across with a French girl who claims to be asexual, and talks about her experience with it. Might be of interest to you: https://www.youtube.com/user/Apn9a

There is nothing wrong with you. You had a traumatic experience and reacted quite normally. You have no obligation to be sexually active at all if that's what you wish, however I would at least consider the possibility that your fear/pain is driving your current perspective and it's not how you really feel.

Finally, sex is pretty weird anyway. I've have no problems with sex however I often have the thought during the act that it's just so fucking weird, makes me laugh (in my head, not out loud). 'Bumping uglies' always comes to mind :D

well i was never sexually avused nor did i have bad sexual experiences..its just i have no desire to have sex with a woman..penetration doesnt excite or arouse me nor does oral sex..done it and zero pleasure..i would blame it on my drug use but i was like this prior to using drugs..im a good looking guy in good shape so technically i should be getting laid often but nope..dont feel alone OP, me being asexual has hurt several relationships..women tend to feel really bad when they find out you dont want to have sex with them..then again, a guy/girl friendship is downright strange imo..

 

[Papaverium]

being sexually abused will make you associate sex with that feeling and in a sense ruin your future enjoyment of it as both things have such close association in your mind

opiates kill your sex drive though.

come off them and watch the horny increase.

how long have you been off opiates during a time in your life where you weren't repressing bad shit?

I really doubt that I will start to feel horny toward people if I quit opiates. I have only been on them regularly since I was about 20. Even when I was 16 through 19 sex has always felt extremely uncomfortable to me. Not saying that opiates don't contribute to my lack of a sex drive. Don't get me wrong, I do feel the need to masturbate more when I am detoxing (maybe it's because it helps me sleep), but as soon as another person is involved I just get turned right off. It's not appealing to me whatsoever.

And to answer your question, I am in a constant state of repressing bad shit, lol. Being sober is awful.