That's beautiful sir. If she's abusive I hope you won't reconsider. I've always empathized with abuser's, abuse histories and horrible past and current circumstances but I never empathized with my own pain and history, I never learned how to learn how to love myself, never learned what boundaries were or how to start building boundaries with people. You could tell her to research CPTSD Complex PTSD, it's from longterm childhood abuse and/or emotional abuse and/or physical abandonment neglect, or long-term adult psychological abuse and/or physical abuse, neglect ect, like a domestic violence marriage. CPTSD is a disorder that has significant significantly maladapted the nervous system, brain and body. It has serious physical symptoms and serious psychological symptoms, my symptoms have gotten much worse in the last 11 years to where I feel almost unemployable. Learning about CPTSD started my healing maybe 4 months ago.
CPTSD Books I recommend:
What my Bones Know by Stephanie Foo
Complex PTSD; Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
The Body Keeps the Score by last name Van Der Koch.
Follow Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle on FB or other social media.
There are many CPTSD support groups online... she might really find some happiness and peace and more!
Reconsider gettin back together. No way i rather

like you said.
Its been offered but i know its a dead ending trail. Thanks for warning me though,
the two lovely kids i have would get even more traumatized.
They are the main appeal to get back there. But that path is long passed.
What s done is done, no returning to the past. And folowing fantasies of another, nah.
Forgiving based on putting yourself in the position, like you describe. And my ex.
To myself, might she ask for it she hear it but its for my healing and towards my kids.
Know they live with her, " Could you be loved and be love ? " not meaning intimaticy.
Blood is blood, my ex is family. She a staple of shit, maybe she better skip and solve another live.
Its to much for one person to carry, so burying parts might be necessary in her case atm.
You might know, i only guess. She has Passive-Aggesion a conduct disorder a. o. which was painful.
To me.
And for the kids to see. Not her fault, result of upbringing. Not used in Psychology or Psychiatry.
So not even recognized. Plus PTSD and who knows what else.
Maybe I can benefit from the books you mentioned. As going through this 10 years.
Not letting myself be bitten, but not biting back [mental/ physical. Or leaving as we had 2 babys.
Responseabilty s! Prolonged Grief another disorder very similar to c-PTSD i also considered.
But recommending her not an option, will leed to troubles. So not stepping in that pitfall ever again.
Lets hope time heals things, when you put some effort in it.