Anxiety/Depression

[mogwais]

I'm about at the end of things it feels like. Anxiety and depression have been a problem for me for years now but I've always tried to "wait it out" in hopes that my life would simply get better. This doesn't work =\

I had yet another anxiety attack today and while physically it wasn't the worst one, mentally it was. This is making me so irritable that the littlest things set me off. Today I managed to fuck up the relationship I have with a few family members and successfully lose a best friend, ultimately telling him to "fuck off".

I think I'm going to try to move out of town in a little while. I feel like I have to get the fuck away. I've fucked up so many friendships I don't have that many people left here. My family all sees me as the "family fuck up" because, well, I'm the only member of my family not worth a damn for multiple reasons.

I used to shrug shit off and think "well, eventually stuff will be okay, so everything is okay" but I don't think it's the case. I don't know if I'm ever gonna get out of this and I'll share why...

I don't want to. I mean, I DO and I NEED to.. But there's no personal motivation. Fuck, there's no motivation to do anything. Go try to spend money on a psychiatrist? I got no job and the public funding for people like me is shit. I tried and the told me I get one appointment each month. What the fuck is that?

I can't do anything anymore. I can't be social and I can't stay alone because both drive me crazy. I can't get lost in the things I like because I can't do any of these particular things well and they wind up frustrating me.

What the fuck do I do. No more friends to talk to.. Family knows but that's that and they can only help so much. No real life going on, just the same shit day to day. I'm really tired of it.

Sorry for being a new member and throwing this out there, just on my mind

 

[crystalserenity]

Mog-all things u say are normal symptoms of depression. So instead of having a huge pile of problems u have 1 problem-depression. Does looking at it that way help u gain perspective? Please keep reaching out like u have here n u will find caring people. I am pretty new to this site + am amazed n grateful for the level of caring + help here.

 

[bighooter]

mog im in exactly the same boat as you only I think worse off, ive now lost motivation to even soicialise/interact with anyone.

I only feel comfortable when I am on my own and I went out with my family for a meal today and didnt say a word or conversate with anyone.
not coz im ignorant because I was constantly battling with the demons in my head, its like when I try talking I just end up stuttering my words n making a fool of myself.

I honestly feel like ending my life right now, but ye I think moving away is a good option mate I think thats what I need to do.

Im the local fuck up in my town and all my family n friends look at me like im retarded and I honestly dont feel like I can look at anyone in the face/eyes coz it just freaks me out having to interact with another human being.

 

[mogwais]

Yeah, moving away is feels like my only option because I just don't have anymore friends here. Problem is once I get somewhere else I don't think I'll be able to make friends there, either.

I'm out of options and I don't think I can put up with this shit any fucking more. This has been going on for years and I've pretty much concluded there's nothing I can do about it because I have been working my hardest with it. It's to the point I'm so uncomfortable I do shit like other dude mentioned about trying to force myself to talk only to studder my words and look like a complete fucking idiot. I don't feel like myself anymore and I don't know who the fuck I've become, but I'm not happy with it.

 

[MySecret]

It was free for me to go to counseling because I had no income due to the fact that I lost my job after drug addiction, leading to depression and anxiety as well. Your brain needs "assistance" and sometimes we go to drugs for that. The problem with that is these are the wrong drugs. Therapists specialize in these problems and they WANT to help you. It's up to you to make the first step. Medication for me was free as well. There are programs out there that will provide free assistance. We make excuses and lie to ourselves in order to do drugs without even realizing it. That's what drugs do. They change the brain and cause problems that affect our every day living. The point of anti-depressants are to speed up the brain's recovery process and return us back to normal. I'm not saying that you are addicted to drugs, but not only do drugs cause harm to our brain, but some of us are just simply born with chemical imbalances in our brain.