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answering the phone / returning calls

nooneanymore

nooneanymore

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Feb 20, 2012
Messages
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im 30 and grew up in a time before cell phones were widespread and people were instantly and always connected. i'm dating now and i dont always like to return phone calls right away or text that much.

am i wrong to take a hard line approach and say to the women that i date that i don't like texting and that its not my responsibility to return someones call right away (unless its an emergency)?

im a guy if that matters.

am i within reason or out of touch with current times?
 
If you don't like answering phone or texting back, why don't you think about donating tung and fingers?

Get with the times.
 
nooneanymore said:
am i wrong to take a hard line approach and say to the women that i date that i don't like texting and that its not my responsibility to return someones call right away (unless its an emergency)?
Click to expand...
What country are you in? In Australia, mobile/cell phones have been pretty widespread for well over a decade. I'm the same age as you...so I can relate to you on that level.

Communicating on your own behalf is your responsibility, unless you have a secretary or PA.

It's up to you how you wish to communicate - and on what terms...but you might want to think about the signal you are (perhaps unwittingly - but not unconsciously - or you wouldn't have made this thread) sending to potential romantic interests...

How long have you had a cell phone? I've had one for 12/13 years - because I was given one around the time I turned 18 (legal drinking age here). I didnt want one, didnt want to be part of that scene... but I soon got used to the idea. Now it feels perfectly normal, because it was the best part of half a lifetime ago.

If you don't want people to find it rude/weird/worrying that you're not responding to their call/SMS, maybe consider not giving them your cell phone # ?
Or, you could try explaining it....but I think you might want to try being more creative if you want people to see it as "within reason" (ie think of a better reason IMO) :)
 
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"Old fashioned" can have charm and a certain style to it....but I think the "I'm too old to get this mobile phone business" excuse would fly if you were 60+ years old.
30 is gen Y...ie the age group known as "digital natives" to the information/tech industries.
Better excuse needed, perhaps....?
Or - if the person is worth it, maybe push your comfort zone a little. Couldn't hurt too much, could it?

Do you have anxiety about the phone, or is it possibly something else?
 
Yes, communication is important. Yes, if you'd like to start a relationship, returning calls is important.

When I was younger, we didn't have cell phones and I didn't text al the time. But it's 2014 and it's a VERY common way to communicate.

I mean, it might work for some people, but the large majority of people prefer to use technology to communicate.
 
i just think people have taken it to an extreme now.

before a date its like you have to text 4 or 5 times before it occurs... you have to say when you're leaving, how far away you are, etc... all i want to do is set up a time and meet at the restaurant at that time. f all of the unnecessary texts and calls before hand.

people hate my approach but I don't care. i dont and wont do online dating either. i seek out women i see in the neighborhood or whoever else i see around. i'm not wasting my time writing a profile or emailing a bunch of people in hopes that they email me back.

a lot of texts and cellphone conversations shouldn't occur. people just like hearing the sound of their own voice and feeling important.

The assumption that someone must call you back immediately is ridiculous and a newer thing. back in day you were supposed to wait a day or two after a date before speaking to the person again. now everybody wants and feels entitled to immediate communication.

I went on a date with a woman and didn't contact her for five days or so after the date (i was busy with work, and time goes by fast) and she took offense to that and as a "sign" that i wasn't interested. its not like we were bf/gf or she was in need of help. i just got busy with other things... plus i didn't have anything clever or interesting to report and needed time to process everything.

yeah, cell phones became widespread around 1998 or 1999 or so and i was a high school junior or senior... so i pretty much went through high school without the internet or "social media" and unlimited cell phone minutes (so you couldn't talk that long even if you had a cell phone). so yeah, i grew up without these things and don't want to change. social media only became big in the early 2000s. back in the day there was a stigma if you did online dating. ...all of that has changed now.

on a related note, if you're dating, people get mad or standoffish if you don't have facebook or an "internet presence" where they can look at (and judge) all of your information... its like you have to put all of your info out there before someone will even sit at a table in a restaurant with you. i say f that.

stop hiding behind screens and texts and meet people face to face, in the open, and get to know the person who's physically sitting across from you.
 
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That's fine if that's what you're looking for. But, as I'm sure you've experienced, that does eliminate MANY potential dates. But I'm sure there are people out there who are fine with that. Not many, but some. Good luck! :)
 
If you don't call people back within a couple hours they might get their feelings hurt and think you don't like them. I'm guilty of this but I have one friend who always keeps me on the phone for 90 minutes at least and it's draining. So with her texting is better for me.

I have another friend who hates texting and told me he prefers speaking over the phone. Nothing wrong with that. Just tell whoever that you would rather talk instead of text. Make sure you tell them also that you can't always return calls right away but you really should make an effort to call back the same day.

I'm old so I remember the days before caller ID, answering machines and cell phones. If you missed a call, that person would have to call you back until they reached you. I still use my house phone as my main means of calling people. The issue at hand is not technological but more showing good manners.
 
the thing is, even if you try to express a desire to not do the instant communication thing, people take offense or are against it. im just trying to not change but everyone else is ... so as they say, "it is what it is". in a lot of ways i think its funny ... but i understand. i'm making the bed that i will have to sleep in by having the opinions that i have.

i had a bad date this past saturday, 5/31, and she was complaining and saying that i was inconsistent (with my feeling towards her) ... but in reality, it just really boils down to the fact that we don't know each other that well and I don't do the online or constant cell phone thing... so it requires work for someone and myself to get to know each other and she (being younger than me) was foreign to this concept and felt "insecure" or whatever...

I said i was 30 but i find myself dating women who are younger than me and they don't know anything outside of internet dating or constant cell phone interaction. lol.
 
If someone really likes you, social networking is not necessary. You could even say your discount phone plan doesn't support text and that will be the end of texting bullshit. But like I said, tell whoever you're dating that you can't always call back right away. It's their choice to get to know you and once they do, see what you're all about.
 
nooneanymore said:
before a date its like you have to text 4 or 5 times before it occurs... you have to say when you're leaving, how far away you are, etc... all i want to do is set up a time and meet at the restaurant at that time. f all of the unnecessary texts and calls before hand.

a lot of texts and cellphone conversations shouldn't occur. people just like hearing the sound of their own voice and feeling important.

The assumption that someone must call you back immediately is ridiculous and a newer thing. back in day you were supposed to wait a day or two after a date before speaking to the person again. now everybody wants and feels entitled to immediate communication.

I went on a date with a woman and didn't contact her for five days or so after the date (i was busy with work, and time goes by fast) and she took offense to that and as a "sign" that i wasn't interested. its not like we were bf/gf or she was in need of help. i just got busy with other things... plus i didn't have anything clever or interesting to report and needed time to process everything.
Click to expand...

I can't help but feel you're exaggerating. People call or message before a date to be considerate if they're say running late. Wouldn't you do the common courtesy of letting your date know?

And no one expects immediate communication. You said back then you were meant to wait a couple days but you can't even manage that. Your date shouldn't have to wait indefinitely because you were "busy with other things...". So busy you couldn't have said "Hey, I had a good time the other night. We should do it again but I'm really busy at the moment." I think its the polite thing to do and if you can't manage that then you probably aren't interested.

nooneanymore said:
i had a bad date this past saturday, 5/31, and she was complaining and saying that i was inconsistent (with my feeling towards her) ... but in reality, it just really boils down to the fact that we don't know each other that well and I don't do the online or constant cell phone thing... so it requires work for someone and myself to get to know each other and she (being younger than me) was foreign to this concept and felt "insecure" or whatever...
Click to expand...

You're saying it requires work for to get know each other but it seems like you're not willing to do any of it. Things are your way and in your mind that makes her "insecure".

Honestly I don't think you're ready for a relationship if you're not willing to make small compromises. Communication is key. I feel its you hiding behind screens and texts. You say you want to meet people face to face and get to know them that way but how are you going to do that if you don't return people's phone calls and can't think of something interesting to say in 5 days.

It all sounds like a poor excuse for something you're hiding tbh.
 
nooneanymore said:
i just think people have taken it to an extreme now.

before a date its like you have to text 4 or 5 times before it occurs... you have to say when you're leaving, how far away you are, etc... all i want to do is set up a time and meet at the restaurant at that time. f all of the unnecessary texts and calls before hand.

people hate my approach but I don't care. i dont and wont do online dating either. i seek out women i see in the neighborhood or whoever else i see around. i'm not wasting my time writing a profile or emailing a bunch of people in hopes that they email me back.

a lot of texts and cellphone conversations shouldn't occur. people just like hearing the sound of their own voice and feeling important.

The assumption that someone must call you back immediately is ridiculous and a newer thing. back in day you were supposed to wait a day or two after a date before speaking to the person again. now everybody wants and feels entitled to immediate communication.

I went on a date with a woman and didn't contact her for five days or so after the date (i was busy with work, and time goes by fast) and she took offense to that and as a "sign" that i wasn't interested. its not like we were bf/gf or she was in need of help. i just got busy with other things... plus i didn't have anything clever or interesting to report and needed time to process everything.

yeah, cell phones became widespread around 1998 or 1999 or so and i was a high school junior or senior... so i pretty much went through high school without the internet or "social media" and unlimited cell phone minutes (so you couldn't talk that long even if you had a cell phone). so yeah, i grew up without these things and don't want to change. social media only became big in the early 2000s. back in the day there was a stigma if you did online dating. ...all of that has changed now.

on a related note, if you're dating, people get mad or standoffish if you don't have facebook or an "internet presence" where they can look at (and judge) all of your information... its like you have to put all of your info out there before someone will even sit at a table in a restaurant with you. i say f that.

stop hiding behind screens and texts and meet people face to face, in the open, and get to know the person who's physically sitting across from you.
Click to expand...

if you are interested in someone then your behaviour reflects it and waiting 5 days after a good date to have a minor communication says " i dont give that much of a shit"

i do agree with the too many texts before a date. just turn up and go from there, not a million texts on the way, very annoying
 
just because I have the phone in my pocket doesnt mean I'm just waiting for a call. I may be busy, work, driving, doing "something".
If you want a return call leave a message and I'll call back when I'm not busy. People are fucking idiots and think you MUST answer NOW! umm no, I dont.
If you call and do not leave a VM, that means it wasnt important and I might not call back if I'm doing shit.
If you need/want a call back, leave a MESSAGE!
If you call and leave a VM, then call again 3 minutes later an d leave another VM and then 3 minutes later do it again I'm going to answer and it will be the last time you EVER call me. TOTAL peeve of mine. You want to piss me off, just do that.
I'm not going to hear the 2nd or 3rd VM until after I hear the 1st one! So there is no point in any messages after the 1st one. But people are to fucking stupid to understand that concept.
 
This one gets me...you call someone, they answer and say "I cant talk, I'm driving".. Well why did you answer the fucking phone then!!!!
 
I dislike answering the mobile porn device... I meant my mobile phone when it rings.. i actually rarely answer ..
Or receiving texts.
Like "who/why are ppl calling me? Shit. Leave me alone. I'm high and i don't care.. unless drugs or sex is immediately imminent."
 
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