His Name Is Frank
Bluelight Crew
Let me start off by saying that I no longer take Ambien. I went through a phase where I was taking them all the time. I don't remember 90% of my so-called trips, but the aftermath always gave me a mystery that I had to piece together to figure out just what the hell I had been doing the night before. This particular trip, I do remember. Well, most of it anyway.
I ate three 10 mg Ambien and began my routine of watching goofy shit on YouTube. Ambien is a funny drug. Sometimes you can eat 5 and get absolutely nothing from it, except a little drowsy. Other times, you can eat 1 or 2 and completely trip the fuck out. I first started noticing something was amiss when my cell phone started ringing. Being that I don't even own a cell phone, I was more than a little curious. I looked around and found that the ringing was coming the bottle of Melatonin I had sitting on my desk. Sure. Why not, I thought. Stranger things have happened.
This is when my memory started becoming choppy. One minute I'm trying desperately to search for videos, which is very hard when the keys keep blinking in and out of of existence, the next I would be in the kitchen looking for food. Ambien always made me so damn hungry. I got the idea to make some stew, despite not having and meat or potatoes. So I pull out my big broiler and inside, there are about 4 or 5 smurfs. Now, under normal circumstances, this would cause a person to throw the boiler across the room and run for the nearest exit. But Ambien has a way of making the bizarre seem as normal as a bowel movement.
They asked if I would let them out. I guess even my hallucinations were smart enough to know that I probably would have cooked them in my fucked up state. So I obliged and noticed that there was something off about them. For one thing, they had human noses, instead of those big, bulbous numbers they have in the cartoons. One of them was even missing an eye and it was freaking me out big time, but I tried hard not to stare. I didn't want to make him feel self-conscious about it. My memory of this began to glitch again. I do remember at one point that one of the smurfs was kicking the shit out of my sugar bowl that I have sitting on my stove top. I told him to quit it and he said, "Fuck sugar!" and started laughing hysterically. He was really starting to piss me off.
And just like that, it was the next day. I don't remember anything in between that little bastard chastising my sugar and me passing out on the couch. Hmmmm. Maybe I just dreamed it and for once didn't do anything stupid in my Ambien stupor. No such luck. I went to the kitchen and saw my big boiler on the stove top. The burner was on, but it wasn't the burner that the boiler was on. Good thing, too. Because when I looked in the boiler, I found that I had poured a gallon of milk in it, an open bag of marshmallows, and about 10 full, unopened spice bottles floating in it. My sugar bowl was upside down and sugar was everywhere. Goddamn that smurf! Yes, logic tells me that I did it, but the memory of that smurf kicking my sugar bowl is as real as any memory I have, so the anger remained.
I have several other stories involving my Ambien stupidity and maybe I'll share them at a later date. All I can say is that I will never take Ambien again. I don't understand how so many people can become addicted to that junk. I lost count of how many bottles I went through, but when I quit, I never gave it a second though. It's not recreational by any means and can put you in some dangerous situations. Forgive me if I sound like I'm preaching, but looking back on my Ambien experiences, I know I dodged countless bullets which could have resulted in me dying or behind bars. If you take Ambien, go directly to bed. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.00. And whatever you do, do not let those goddamn smurfs out of that boiler.
I ate three 10 mg Ambien and began my routine of watching goofy shit on YouTube. Ambien is a funny drug. Sometimes you can eat 5 and get absolutely nothing from it, except a little drowsy. Other times, you can eat 1 or 2 and completely trip the fuck out. I first started noticing something was amiss when my cell phone started ringing. Being that I don't even own a cell phone, I was more than a little curious. I looked around and found that the ringing was coming the bottle of Melatonin I had sitting on my desk. Sure. Why not, I thought. Stranger things have happened.
This is when my memory started becoming choppy. One minute I'm trying desperately to search for videos, which is very hard when the keys keep blinking in and out of of existence, the next I would be in the kitchen looking for food. Ambien always made me so damn hungry. I got the idea to make some stew, despite not having and meat or potatoes. So I pull out my big broiler and inside, there are about 4 or 5 smurfs. Now, under normal circumstances, this would cause a person to throw the boiler across the room and run for the nearest exit. But Ambien has a way of making the bizarre seem as normal as a bowel movement.
They asked if I would let them out. I guess even my hallucinations were smart enough to know that I probably would have cooked them in my fucked up state. So I obliged and noticed that there was something off about them. For one thing, they had human noses, instead of those big, bulbous numbers they have in the cartoons. One of them was even missing an eye and it was freaking me out big time, but I tried hard not to stare. I didn't want to make him feel self-conscious about it. My memory of this began to glitch again. I do remember at one point that one of the smurfs was kicking the shit out of my sugar bowl that I have sitting on my stove top. I told him to quit it and he said, "Fuck sugar!" and started laughing hysterically. He was really starting to piss me off.
And just like that, it was the next day. I don't remember anything in between that little bastard chastising my sugar and me passing out on the couch. Hmmmm. Maybe I just dreamed it and for once didn't do anything stupid in my Ambien stupor. No such luck. I went to the kitchen and saw my big boiler on the stove top. The burner was on, but it wasn't the burner that the boiler was on. Good thing, too. Because when I looked in the boiler, I found that I had poured a gallon of milk in it, an open bag of marshmallows, and about 10 full, unopened spice bottles floating in it. My sugar bowl was upside down and sugar was everywhere. Goddamn that smurf! Yes, logic tells me that I did it, but the memory of that smurf kicking my sugar bowl is as real as any memory I have, so the anger remained.
I have several other stories involving my Ambien stupidity and maybe I'll share them at a later date. All I can say is that I will never take Ambien again. I don't understand how so many people can become addicted to that junk. I lost count of how many bottles I went through, but when I quit, I never gave it a second though. It's not recreational by any means and can put you in some dangerous situations. Forgive me if I sound like I'm preaching, but looking back on my Ambien experiences, I know I dodged countless bullets which could have resulted in me dying or behind bars. If you take Ambien, go directly to bed. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.00. And whatever you do, do not let those goddamn smurfs out of that boiler.
