Misc am I on too many script drugs to realize I even have a problem?

[Jabberwocky]

I read some threads in here labeled "Phenibut" or "Gabapentin" or "Suboxone" and I see the hell people go through; or the stories people tell about the different feelings they get from being on these drugs, or the hard time kicking the drugs, etc.

yet I feel I live a somewhat "normal" life on all those drugs and then some:

8MG Suboxone
3200 Gabapentin
4000 Keppra
100 Seroquel
1MG Xanax

that is my daily intake of drugs - of course, I was a raging heroin addict at one point but nowadays I feel "normal" and OK throughout the day. makes me wonder if I am high as a kite and dont even realize it or do I somehow really just feel "sober" in my eyes because I am far from sober by looking at that list.

I have a brain tumor, so the gaba and keppra are used for seizures, so I DONT THINK I get any high from those. the rest, well, we know what the Suboxone does. the xanny, sure helps me sleep/knock the fuck out at night. I dont take them every night but damn close to it, but usually only .5 or 1MG. same goes for the seroquel. I dont take it every night but do when I know I need to be in bed and passed out by a certain time.

who else is on a bunch of diff script drugs but feel somewhat "normal"?

 

[tacodude]

You have a brain tumor go easy on yourself last thing you need is to worry about what people think of your drug intake and to not increase your stress levels. You're working with doctors to manage it if it's fine for you it's OK. Just know it will take work to get off any med you stop improperly so work with your doctor's whenever you want to stop a medication.

 

[Jabberwocky]

yea, thats what I do, too. its the brain tumor, so ill take it easy on myself, ha. not my fault I am on a ton of meds.

and stopping? you crazy. if anything I want to add more meds on. I just find it crazy when I read stories on here about how one things makes a person feel so "different" yet I am on 7-10 different drugs/day and just consider it "normal" living. well, at this point at least.

 

[tacodude]

I hear you... Definitely do what you know is right, but even you know it's better to not have to rely on taking multiple pills at multiple intervals to be stable. Plus those suboxone films suck....

 

[Jabberwocky]

i think all these people who are "getting fucked up" are just new to the game.

when you've been using and abusing any and all drugs 24/7/365 for years and years, maybe decades (like i have - and i think you also, forgive me if i'm mistaken...) we have unfortunately messed our bodies up to the point that what we take to get out of bed in the morning would have these kids dicks in the dirt for days.

been taking any and everything since 15; 33 nowadays and just taking drugs in order to make my body work normally.

 

[Razorfcknjdd]

I'm on a combo of methadone, ritalin, seroquel, and abilify,and recently came off clonazepam and mirtazapine, some people just need a number of meds in order to be okay. I know how you feel though.

 

[xivixive]

ya, into my 30's now as well. sad thing is when i was reading threads like this when i was 15 i thought what all 15 year olds think "that'l never happen to me, i can handle it, i wont get that way".... i learned my lesson, 15 years too late though. life without drugs is impossible for me now. back then i used to think being an addict would be great because that meant i would always have the drugs i wanted.... well i do have all the drugs i want, let me tell you - it's not great. its a hellish misery the beginners absolutely cannot comprehend. the only reason i post things like this is because i know there is some loner nerdy 17yr old reading this that really thinks drugs are the answer...and if i can get 1 out of 10000 to reconsider it may be brownie points on my soul... damn i wish i had some smack... well not some, like hundreds of dollars worth... i'd have a great few hours...

 

[skoat]

All drugs create 'reality distortion', they do it over a long time. It can take months, years or longer. Its so subtle that by the time you reach "off the logical path" you may not realize it and everyone who tries to say something, "doesn't understand". Its very, very hard to believe people when the change was was gradual.

We don't know you, but with all that, there is a chance you've distorted your reality in subtle ways. I hear you when you say you don't get high, just maintaining your health. Its important to philosophically analyze your behavior. Your the best judge of where you are compared to where you were if you can be honest with yourself. I've always struggled with this, good luck.

 

[cj]

As you should know from reading those threads everything is cool until the person stops using those drugs. That's easy enough to avoid for the most part.

 

[Whosajiggawaaa]

a benign or malignant brain tumour OP?

i can't function without oxycontin 160 - 240 mgs a day + 2 mg loprazolam at night for sleep. can't function is probably an understatement, (feel like I) can't survive might be more accurate.

 

[Jabberwocky]

malignant - stage 3 right now. was stage 2 and now going back into a chemo treatment; just a pain in the ass, man. and yes, I GUESS It gets me down and out so I shoot dope; or at least its the excuse I use for when putting a needle in the arm.

my reality is def. distorted; I live in the past; I have the mind of a 21yr old at the age of 33. I just cant picture marriage, kids, etc. I still think I want to bang 25yr olds, have fun, party hard and live rock star lifestyle; this is even while going through chemo because it truly doesnt STOP me much.

I just always wonder if things would be different off these drugs; or maybe if I didnt take the first drug. yes, I have a brain tumor but I legit have the mind of a 21yr old rock star rather than a 33yr old w/ a cancerous tumor. just makes me question if its me, the tumor, the drugs, or if it would be like this regardless because of the life I saw/lived, etc.

xivixive - you scripted anything good? real pain killers maybe; almost impossible to get here in Boston; esp. anything worth talking about. its why the fent/dope crowd blew up around here and people are dropping day after day. but yet its fine for me to go out, buy, and shoot, shoot and shoot. makes sense to me.

 

[Razorfcknjdd]

ya, into my 30's now as well. sad thing is when i was reading threads like this when i was 15 i thought what all 15 year olds think "that'l never happen to me, i can handle it, i wont get that way".... i learned my lesson, 15 years too late though. life without drugs is impossible for me now. back then i used to think being an addict would be great because that meant i would always have the drugs i wanted.... well i do have all the drugs i want, let me tell you - it's not great. its a hellish misery the beginners absolutely cannot comprehend. the only reason i post things like this is because i know there is some loner nerdy 17yr old reading this that really thinks drugs are the answer...and if i can get 1 out of 10000 to reconsider it may be brownie points on my soul... damn i wish i had some smack... well not some, like hundreds of dollars worth... i'd have a great few hours...

i completely agree with you when you say being in a position where you have all the drugs you want it is a hellish misery. Damn I used to think it would be a dream come true, but i now realize it is the worst thing that could happen to someone who is an addict.

 

[Jabberwocky]

i completely agree with you when you say being in a position where you have all the drugs you want it is a hellish misery. Damn I used to think it would be a dream come true, but i now realize it is the worst thing that could happen to someone who is an addict.

woah woah here guys. what drugs are you boys talking about? because I'd still like to get all the drugs I want. I dont think I have it THAT good, lol.

yes, its miserable having to wake up and take that drug just to get the day started; esp. for someone like me who needs to wait those 15-20 minutes before having the Suboxone actually take control and make me "normal", ya know!? but aside from that, what is the problem? pain in the ass having to go through the BS swallowing/taking pills each and every day. having your life in the pills hand but its become so common at this point nothing else can be done. again, esp. for someone like me who MUST TAKE PILLS REGARDLESS OF ADDICTION! whether I shot dope or not, I'd still be swallowing 8 pills a day just for seizure purposes; also, as of now, I am going through Chemo, so there are shots/more pills involved, all a hassle I must live w/.

just wondering why you boys are down and out about it all? I dont have pain pills but the subs put a smile on my face and make my life happy/livable at times. and I am not saying it as if the subs get me high but they make me feel like MYSELF; my true self. before drugs, ya know!? somehow I still hang around/know many of the people I grew up w/ and went to highschool w/; those people tell me I am still that same whackjob I was back then. yes, was on drugs then, too, but not even close to what is happening now. unfortunately, I still have that same mind as the young kid in highschool which is why I wonder if it was the drugs, tumor or what, that keeps my mind thinking so childish/immature at times. dont get me wrong, I am a smart fucking dude, who can put a sentence together, did well in the corporate world, can talk a Nun into bed and all that other BS - but yet my mind is set back 12yrs from the age, man.