My brother does tar heroin, recently he let things get out of control I.e. needs more to feel okay, so I’ve been going with him and holding onto his drugs and giving him his “daily dose“. We have also had control of his money for awhile because if we don’t he would spend every penny and its Something he’s agreed has to happen. He knows we would let him buy whatever he wanted with his money, just not buy a ton of drugs. Not that we can afford anything really right now lol. Obviously the end I hope for is he goes to rehab, but the issue is that he is the sole earner right now, since my unemployment is about to run out. without his income, even when I had unemployment, we wouldn’t be able to afford our rent, bills, etc. I am actively looking for a job that will pay well So he can quit and I can pay for a nice rehab, but I feel so guilty that he can’t quit or we’d be homeless, feel like I and my mom are using him. I will say though, in the Recent past he had a chance to go to rehab and left after 7 days. This new job he loves pays well and he says he’s afraid to lose it. And dont say we’re using him, because I used to earn more than him before COVID and almost all of his paycheck went to drugs, and he was no help at all. I am a recovered heroin addict (4 1/2 years) and he was there for me when I was a total piece of shit, much worse than him, and he kept things going when I wasn’t around. But he’s been an addict for 10 years, I only was for like 3. I know he’s scared of rehab, but if anyone needs it he does. I didn’t go because we had no insurance and couldn’t afford it but my family helped me through it. What the fuck do I do?
Am I doing the right thing? Holding my brothers drugs so he doesn’t do too much
- Thread starter Mehneesh
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Vastness
Bluelight Crew
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- Mar 10, 2006
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"The right thing" is relative, but reading your post it's not clear to me that you're doing anything wrong, or what it is that you think you might be doing wrong. What aspect of what you are doing do you have trouble with?
Presumably he has asked you to hold his drugs for him? What is the alternative option? Flush the drugs and set an ultimatum? I would say this is unlikely to be effective.
Obviously with him being the sole earner puts you at a power disadvantage which will limit the effectiveness of you being the controller of his substances. However it's hard to say how much of a problem this will be without knowing a lot more about both of you as people than you will realistically be able to convey in a few forum posts.
Before I say anything else take this with a grain of salt as I don't have personal experience with heroin addiction or the rehab industry - so my comments are based on an outsider's perspective if you like, but I'll offer it anyway. You say he has been to rehab already but it didn't work? The rehabilitation industry in many parts of the world is a highly flawed and morally dubious system with relapse and drop out rates which do not justify the extortionate and exploitative fees charged to the most vulnerable members of society. Again, this is an outsider's perspective and maybe you have tried other things already - but if rehab didn't work last time, what makes you think it will be different this time?
You say your family helped you through your own addiction - I'm assuming the main difference in circumstance is that this family is dependent on your brother's income? For sure, acting as the controller of the drug of choice of an addict while at the same time being dependent on their income is, IMO, an inadvisable power dynamic, but again depending on your brother's personality type it may work... I dunno, it's a tough situation for sure, I'd like to say more but I'm not really comfortable doing so because again I don't have personal experience and don't want to give bad advice, but good luck to you and to your brother.
Presumably he has asked you to hold his drugs for him? What is the alternative option? Flush the drugs and set an ultimatum? I would say this is unlikely to be effective.
Obviously with him being the sole earner puts you at a power disadvantage which will limit the effectiveness of you being the controller of his substances. However it's hard to say how much of a problem this will be without knowing a lot more about both of you as people than you will realistically be able to convey in a few forum posts.
Before I say anything else take this with a grain of salt as I don't have personal experience with heroin addiction or the rehab industry - so my comments are based on an outsider's perspective if you like, but I'll offer it anyway. You say he has been to rehab already but it didn't work? The rehabilitation industry in many parts of the world is a highly flawed and morally dubious system with relapse and drop out rates which do not justify the extortionate and exploitative fees charged to the most vulnerable members of society. Again, this is an outsider's perspective and maybe you have tried other things already - but if rehab didn't work last time, what makes you think it will be different this time?
You say your family helped you through your own addiction - I'm assuming the main difference in circumstance is that this family is dependent on your brother's income? For sure, acting as the controller of the drug of choice of an addict while at the same time being dependent on their income is, IMO, an inadvisable power dynamic, but again depending on your brother's personality type it may work... I dunno, it's a tough situation for sure, I'd like to say more but I'm not really comfortable doing so because again I don't have personal experience and don't want to give bad advice, but good luck to you and to your brother.